I had a few situations that disappointed me this week, and I’ve got to admit, I was pretty hurt. The first situation was certainly not what I had expected, but I came out with my head held high and a happy-go-lucky attitude. The second one beat me down a little more, and the third one had me so close to tears that I had to take a fifteen minutes to practice pranayama (3-part breath) to soothe myself. I think part of the reason that I was upset was because I didn’t want to be disappointed, and I resented my disappointment for so many reasons.
First of all, I hate the word disappointment. Absolutely detest it. The idea of disappointment, to me, assigns culpability to the person feeling that emotion by insinuating that he or she has expectations that are too much to be filled. When I feel disappointed, I feel like I’m blameworthy for having this emotion, like I shouldn’t be able to lean into my feelings because I’m the reason for them. I feel as if I’m a complainer, that I don’t appreciate all that I have and am instead dwelling on all that I haven’t. In the end, the word connotes to me that I don’t have a right to my emotion, and that’s what I truly hate most about disappointment.
I also hate the word disappointment because it reminds me of all the times that I have been disappointed, in others, in myself, in the world. It makes me sad to dredge up past instances that have saddened me, the kind of times that give you a lump in your throat just by thinking about them. Thinking about these previous instances feels like living the disappointment all over again, and I doubt anyone wants to relive painful memories of the past, and nor do I.
In thinking about disappointment this week, however, I realized two things that have made me feel quite a bit better about how to deal with disappointment. One, by feeling blame for my feelings, I am not in fact feeling the extent of my emotions. This keeps me from moving on with my life and really improving my attitude because I push the emotion away, feel that it is not worthy of being felt. Two, the moving on part really is important too. I can let myself feel disappointed fully and without abandon, but I have to find a way to pick myself up–and sometimes that is harder than other times, but there are things and people that can help me. I have friends and family that love me and who will talk to me about my feelings. I have hobbies that keep me happy. And most of all, I have resilience that I have practiced for years that has taught me that when times are down, the light is just around the corner.
Hi Anjali! I really relate to your post, as I too have issues with disappointment. Being in Catholic school for my entire life up until college, disappointment is beaten into your very being; so much so that you end up feeling disappointed for no reason sometimes.
Emotions such as these are never easy to deal with, and certainly aren’t the fun ones. However, I have learned, perhaps the hard way, that, in order to be able to continue on the path to more fulfillment and better news, picking oneself up quickly is essential. I feel that constantly reinforcing a positive attitude and optimistic thoughts truly makes feeling better a lot easier, especially after facing a disappointing blow.
Trust me, I have been there and I understand the feeling. Keep on keeping on, and things will improve.
Hi Anjali! Thanks for a great blog. It is much easier to talk about the good things in one’s life rather than the bad. I understand the feeling of disappointment and how pervasive it can be. I personally feel more disappointed in situations when I set up expectations and those expectations are not met. I also think that successful females (which many of us are) face a lot of disappointment from themselves because of expectations and standards they hold themselves too. Thanks for sharing your experience and encouraging me to think on a really important emotion in a more critical way.
Hi Anjali!
Hope all is well. Thanks for sharing.
I have had a similar week…disappointment is so reall! But, life goes on. My only pieces of advice that I hope are helpful are to 1) let it all out! That has helped me in the past year. I’ve found that the disappointment and pain feels less painful by talking and not talking, as well. Whether it’s working out, going for a drive or spending time with friends…thinking about nothing is actually awesome. I got my wisdom teeth out today and I spent the entire day watching Season 2 of Fuller House… I look and feel like chipmunk, so why not. After you let out all you need, take the time to simply experience what you’re going through. Bottling things up doesn’t help us use these experiences to positively impact our own personal development. Being present is important!
Get some perspective by taking that step back before you head into the next week. And then, do all you can to accept what’s happened and how you feel like you can move on best.
You’re awesome and you’ve got this. Even bumps in the road provide us all with an important life lesson to get to the amazing place that you’re bound to go!