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This week had been eye opening. Some changes have taken place and they’ve made me take a step back and wonder what I want. The day to day activities and commitments I’ve made don’t make me all that happy and I wonder if that matters. I’m conflicted by two juxtaposing quotes that I think of when I think about my life: “do what makes you happy” and “you have to do what you don’t want now to be able to do what you want to do later.” I’m constantly told college is supposed to be the happiest years of my life, but when I hear that it scares me. These are the climactic years? I sure hope not. I always saw these years as building blocks for the prosperous future I was working so hard towards. Am I really suppose to be happy having to wake up at 5 am for practice and then have a 4 hour organic chemistry lab right after? No, of course not. I do those things because I like winning national championships and I want to become a doctor. The sacrifices I make now will pay off later on, right? That’s what I tell myself. But, I can’t help but wonder if 10 years from now I’ll have wanted these years back and wished I had done things differently. I pride myself on knowing where I am and where I want to go, on always knowing the next step and the destination. There was little gray area when it came to my dreams but I’m beginning to realize I’ve never truly been black or white when it comes to anything. I’m interested in so many different things, but because I play soccer and want to go to medical school my time is limited. There is little room for deviation. I’m not sure what this all means for my future and I realize many people don’t know what they want to do with their lives, but that’s never been me and it’s difficult acknowledging that now I think it is.