— Ring the alarms, vulnerability alert —

During the beginning of the spring semester I wrote a piece about how stress has the potential to cause real life health crises and more importantly, how it almost ruined my academic life. I talked about how I’d effectively overcommitted to things and aired on the concept of “the busier, the better” as both my physical and mental health quickly deteriorated.

Knowing that my current practice of self-care, or the lack thereof, was detrimental to my potential success, I knowingly agreed that living a life of continued stress is never, ever something to be proud of. At the time, I vowed to remind myself that it’s okay to not be okay, it’s alright to struggle with things, and it’s okay to not have it all together. These are all things I believe to be true — I vowed to take on the mentality and believed I would, but I may’ve inevitably lied to myself.

Well over halfway finished with the semester, I decided to conduct a personal progress report to measure areas of improvement and make changes for a more successful and enjoyable future. Although I knew my results wouldn’t be anywhere near great, I was still surprised at my own reflection.

Ultimately deciding that time management was a leading factor, I stepped down from a few leadership positions and put my energy toward two organizations, both of which I’d been involved in since freshmen year. I reorganized my work schedules to fit around important campus events and began following my constantly updated agenda. With the exception of enrolling in a test prep course and tackling a heavy course load, my once jam packed Monday through Friday nights became relatively free.

But I still wasn’t seeing results.

Despite the decrease in meetings and responsibilities, my days were longer and less productive. I’d turned self-care and “I deserve a break” into an excuse to stay out later and avoid writing papers. Even with this sudden onset of a new mentality I was still reverting back to my old ways. Somehow, someway my inner Type A personality still came through as I utilized my Sundays to produce major content, projects, and power through an entire week’s worth of homework.

Okay, so what was the problem? My grades were relatively fine and I was getting everything done, but I was over exerting myself before the week even started.

In this reflection, I’ve come to realize that I’m struggling to find working solutions to my current problem. When I have too much on my plate I simultaneously thrive on the stress but unhealthily handle it with little precaution. When I’m not ridiculously busy I feel like I’m wasting valuable time. As the weeks wind down, I’ve decided to get to the bottom of this in hopes that I can enact successful solutions.

If you’re still reading, unfortunately, there’s no hidden life altering message or piece of advice in this post. I’m more so utilizing this space to openly express my thoughts and to hold myself accountable when I begin to mimic the actions and mindsets that I so desperately desire to eliminate.

Seemingly speaking on a large portion of negatives, I would be remiss if I didn’t share the positivity that has come alongside personal reflection. Since the day I posted my piece about stress, I’ve found some solutions and actions to take when feeling overwhelmed and longing for the feeling of “getting my life together.”

At this point, I am choosing to concentrate on time management and devoting a necessary amount of time to be spent with friends. I yearn to concentrate on ensuring my mental and physical health are in sync, allowing me to be productive, and aspire to find the root causes of my continued stress.

In doing this, I hope to continue to follow the path of improvement, leaving destructive practices and negativity behind while opening the doors to embrace new opportunities.