The other day, a member in a club of which I am a part started discussing toxic relationships and asking what to do when with faced with one. To my surprise, not many people could even fathom facing the problem in an effective way. Given my extended exposure with this topic, I feel as though I have the experience to properly speak on it. With all of that in mind, here is my two-cents, advice, and experience with toxic and unhealthy relationships.

The first thought is how one even goes about discerning whether or not a relationship is unhealthy. Despite it seeming like a daunting task, it really isn’t; the mere fact that the thought of a relationship possibly being toxic could very well signal that it is. However, if you are still on the fence, here are some questions to ask honestly yourself: what is this relationship centered around? How do you feel when this person contacts you to spend time together? Do you feel that they respect and value your time, or do they take advantage of you being there for their own gain, on their own time? And, lastly, does this person help you grow and look forward to the future, or are they holding you back? If you answer these questions honestly and truthfully, any “yes” could possibly represent a toxic relationship in your life.

In my opinion, identifying the problem is never the hard part – actually having the guts to do something about it takes a lot of strength and confidence. This is when you realize that being involved in some bad relationships does not benefit you in any way, not in the short-term or the long-term. This is when the true test begins: what are you going to do? In my experience, I have found many people just grin and bear it, telling themselves, despite their constant unhappiness and frustration, that the person will eventually change in the way they want them to. However, I think this is a grave mistake. In fact, I myself was guilty of this train of thought at one point in time, and I learned the hard way that, no matter how hard you try sometimes, there are people out there who will not change and grow with you. It is nothing personal, and not meant to be taken as such – there are people out there who simply get set in their ways and will not budge, even if they clash with the direction you personally want to go.

Cutting out these kinds of people and ending these kinds of relationships are never easy. As I mentioned earlier, I have had experience with this kind of thing and know how tough the choice is to make. However, once I decided to end these relationships that were no longer bringing me happiness or fulfillment, I was able to focus on what made me personally happy in the first place. After the fact, I can say with absolute certainty that I am the happiest I have been in a very long time (probably since I have come to college, to be honest).

Getting rid of the toxic relationships in my life gave me room to expand and become friends with other individuals who bring me joy and positivity. It is a way of practicing the most sincere form of self-love: you realize that you are worth more than being available for someone’s convenience. You deserve people who enjoy your time and your person, not to be treated poorly by individuals within unhealthy relationships. You are worth MUCH more than that.