I watched another TED talk this week, and this one was by a younger person with a lot of understanding of how to live life. She was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis at birth and was given a life expectancy of 10 years old. Now at 20 years old, she owns a nonprofit helping kids with Cystic Fibrosis and is a motivational speaker at various events around the country.
What I liked most about the beginning of her talk was she was not going to tell the audience how to be happy. Most inspirational talks from someone who is sick or is going through something hard talks about how amongst the sadness there is always something to be happy about.
However, Claire Winehand had a different approach to her story.
She went on to explain the exhaustion from taking care of her disease. How in some sense, there is guilt thrust upon her if she doesn’t do her treatments correctly or if she doesn’t take her medication every day. And if she were to end up in a hospital for having another episode, she would feel that it is her fault for not taking care of herself effectively.
She realized throughout her life that it was a constant battle, but she was defying the odds and living past her prognosis.
So Claire had a hunch about living with CF. That it isn’t necessarily about trying to find the good in every day. It’s about embracing the pain.
Without pain, you can’t be a stronger person. But Claire explained that pain is what makes life better and it makes you to want to go out in the community and give something of yourself to make your life worthwhile. She used it as amo to be the person that her younger self would have looked up to. That someone who is sick has done something despite it to better other people’s lives. (Thus her nonprofit was established to help other kids with CF)
But I thought this recognition about pain and suffering was interesting because I always thought about it like the rest of the population. Despite pain, there is always something to be happy about. But if you embrace your pain and accept it, not only are you not hiding the truth about your feelings, but you’re becoming a stronger person because of the acceptance. That you know there are hard times, but life is a roller coaster and there isn’t one streamline to live by.
So no matter if you’re having a bad day or you’re diagnosed with a terminal disease, I’ll now know to embrace the pain to understand that it’s normal and I’ll be giving myself dignity to my life. I’ll have a life that is full of ups and downs and truth to every day. And perhaps this approach can be applied to any leadership involvement. You’re going to have to learn how to lead different groups of people, but also to learn how to develop your leadership style. By accepting faults and mess ups, you’ll have a genuine understanding that there isn’t a “correct” way to be a leader.
Thank you so much for sharing, Kelsey! As someone who has a reputation for being bubbly and optimistic most of the time, it has been interesting for me to reflect more in recent years about how to respond to pain, either my own or someone else’s. I have been convicted recently that optimism is not bad, but for me, if it is based on ignoring reality, then it is unhealthy and unhelpful, not only for me, but also for those around me. However we choose to move forward, I think it is essential for us to recognize where we are, even if it’s a place of profound pain. Thank you so much for encouraging me to continue thinking about this!
Hi Sarah!
I hope you’re having a great semester and embracing everything that life is giving you right now. Whether it may be happiness or pain, one moment calls for an opportunity. What that opportunity is, we don’t know, but we soon will 🙂
After reading your blog I have a new perspective on the negatives of life. I pride myself on being happy, and often times see the glass as half full instead of half empty. Growing up my friends would always make fun of me for being so “peppy” and optimisitic regardless of the circumstances. However, while being optimistic and happy is good, it has not allowed me to embrace the emotional and mental pain that I have endured. No one wants to wallow in their sorrow, but there is a major difference between wallowing in your sorrow, and embracing the pain knowing that its going to make you stronger. When my parents divorced I ignored the heartache and distress that it was causing me, until one day it all built up and I burst out in tears. Since then, I have realized the importance of acknowledging your feelings. Tricking your brain into thinking “everything is okay” is only going to exacerbate the situation.
Alisa,
Yep. The classic “I’m fine” line has been engrained in my head too for years. So instead of kidding myself, I’m really trying to say “You know what I’m not fine. But I will be.” Bottling things up is never healthy. You always want to be honest with yourself. Thanks for sharing your experience!
Love this blog! I agree most of theses speeches focus on the “happy aspect” because they feel that people take advantage of being healthy. I am glad that she talked about the pain, because the thing about pain is that it let’s you know you’re still alive. I also find this story encouraging and a bit scary. Because when you have a child you never know what sort of health issues they could have. – Amanda
Amanda,
You’re going to be a great mom with lots of love and openness to anything thrown at ya. I think anything like this is scary, but to someone who’s lived in a situation all his/her life doesn’t know a difference. At first it’s hard to jump, but you end up figuring it out along the way. (trying to embrace that fact now while I look for jobs. yikes)