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A few weekends ago, my lovely partner, Max, came to visit from Seattle, where he attends the University of Washington. Reconnecting with Max after being apart for months never fails to leave me filled with gratitude and warmth. Even though the brevity of our visits often feel like the Beatles song, “Hello Goodbye,” they are days that I find immense happiness in.

Max and I have been fortunate enough to know each other since middle school (I’ve literally been head over heels for him since 8th grade). We’ve grown into ourselves together, and in a way, into each other at the same time. I sometimes felt danger in growing up so intertwined with someone and their family, their habits and values, and even the remnants of themselves that existed a long time ago, for fear that I would not know who I was, just as Siena. (This was certainly compounded by being an identical twin, too). But, it feels powerful and comforting to know someone’s life so profoundly, to have them know yours, and to still get to learn about each other every day in these new phases of life that we are constantly entering and exiting and swimming through.

Being in a relationship that is so deeply dynamic through years of goopy adolescent emotions, yet so physically fleeting due to distance and time, has taught me a lot about what it means to persistently support and love someone through times of turmoil, to find identity and purpose, and to think about the future in a way that most others do not.

 

People often comment how awful it must be to be in a long distance relationship. A lot of my friends say “I don’t know how you do it, I could never!” But the thing is, when you love someone, it doesn’t matter if you’re 2 miles apart or 8,000 miles apart. You love them! And what else is there to do but keep doing that?

In fact, I have found a positive aspect of being apart from Max during our time in college; I get to be absurdly busy, dive into new endeavors with fantastic new friends who I can fully commit to, and figure out who I am and what I want in a time and space that is fully mine… all while having the gift of calling Max at the end of the day and talking through all of these new adventures with each other. I have the comfort that I have him by my side through it all, for a long time from now, even if I can’t physically turn to him and say what’s on my mind. That’s my glass half full perspective, at least.

Yes, it is difficult to want nothing more than to crawl into the arms of the person you love on a particularly horrible day but have to wait four months to do it, or to be on a 3 hour time difference and stay up until 3am to talk after their work shift is over, or to have to deal with conflicts by sitting in a stairwell to get the right wifi connection and trying not to cry into the glitchy microphone. Sure, it sucks, but I am so happy. I feel so grateful to live alongside Max at all. He is immensely kind and supportive and hilarious and smart and dedicated and beautiful inside and out, and to get to be the person he says “I love you” to at the end of the day is a gift. Obviously, I would much rather be with him, and stop time as if we were back in high school going to rock concerts instead of Prom and sneaking out of class to see each other, but we’re moving on in life, and we’re doing it together, despite the mileage.

I find it a gift to watch the awkward, unhappy, confused boy whose handlebars I would ride home from school on blossom into the thoughtful, humble, caring, and confident member of society he is today and will continue to become.

Lastly, being on these short visits teaches me the power of being present. There are only so many hours to have a conversation where we actually get to make eye contact, to feel the warmth of skin, to walk hand in hand, to dance and belly-laugh and talk and eat gummy bears in bed until the crack of dawn. Even though I didn’t open my backpack once last weekend, I fully felt time, and I cherished every single second. I think I need to do that with everyone, not just Max.

I’m grateful for someone who knows me inside and out, who hangs out with my mom for hours when I’m not there, who sincerely conveys support and pride and love despite the strains that being so very far apart imposes on us, and who I can fully be Siena with; the Siena I am still learning how to be.