At around 3 am, I woke up suddenly to my phone buzzing. I was sick with a fever, so in my haze, I couldn’t tell if I was dreaming or if in fact I was getting a barrage of texts messages. Turns out, it was reality. I opened my phone to my best friend Abbey telling me something that made my stomach drop–her friend from freshman year, Tim, had fallen down the stairs at a fraternity and sustained a deadly traumatic brain injury. He died this morning.
There are many things I want to say about Greek life, about a culture of hazardous drinking, but I feel that that would diminish the importance of such a young, bright life. I feel nothing but hollowness when I think of how he was taken far before his time, and it brings perspective to my life, to my actions and feelings.
We’ve all heard the phrase, live like today is your last day or something to that extent. But what does that really mean? Does that mean take risks? Or do what you love? I think it means something different to everyone, and I hope that at some point each and every one of you figure out what that phrase means to you. To me, that means being honest with myself and others. And I know what you may be thinking–wow Anj, that’s the perspective that you got from the loss of a life? Pretty trivial. But think of it like this: in class, Dr. Eury talked a lot about courage, and when I realize how fleeting life can be, I need to have the courage to do things that I convince myself not to do regularly.
How am I to have the courage to be honest in all aspects of my life then? Well I believe the first way to do so is to be honest with myself. Sometimes I convince myself that I’m ok when I’m not; sometimes I push myself too far because I think I can, but I can’t; sometimes I let myself get walked all over by people in my life because I tell myself that I’m just being kind. If I were honest with myself, I would have a better self-concept and I feel that I’d generally be happier. Life is too short to not be as honest with myself is possible.
Please keep Tim’s friends and family in your thoughts and prayers as you lead your life with more courage today and for all days to come.
Hey Anj – thank you for sharing your thoughts on such a difficult subject, and I’m sorry to hear about Abbey. In our class, we’ve spoken a lot about fraternities and the nature of their cultures. But you’re right, Tim’s passing has to do with so much more than the negatives of fraternity life, and I really agree with your statement about not diminishing the importance of his life by consistently covering it with such discussions. I appreciate your candidness about that topic as I’ve heard countless conversations over the past few weeks that do not properly pay tribute or respect to him in the way he deserves.
As far as how to live like it’s your last day goes..I wish I had the answer. While it may mean something different to everyone, I can’t think of a person who wouldn’t want to go wild or travel or surround themselves with family and friends on their last day. So why don’t we do this more often? Why does it take a special event or plan for us to make time for these things? That’s certainly something I’ve struggled with in college – learning to do the things that make me happy and being content with my decisions, but I can say that college has been such a huge stepping stone in achieving that. If you ever fully figure it out, let me know!
Hayley
This was really nice, Anj. I agree that everyone’s interpretation of “live like it’s your last day” differs. Whenever I’m asked by someone do you consider yourself successful, I like to re-frame it as “would you be happy with what you’ve done in life if you died tomorrow?” Maybe it’s not perfect, but every time I think about that (and I mean seriously think about it, not just a fleeting thought) I find a way to find peace with my life and circumstances. I hope we’re all able to do the same 🙂
Hi Anjali,
I really respect your take on how to celebrate Tim’s life (not pressing the hazardous drinking issue). I believe we often hear the phrase “live every moment like it’s your last,” but how often do we take the time to figure out what that means to us? I really love that have taken the time to be introspective and think about what that means to you. Self-honesty is a beautiful thing, however I think that it also can take time to achieve. Self-honesty requires patiently asking yourself questions that require sincere answers. You are right; it takes immense courage to discover new things within ourselves.
Thanks for sharing Anj!