You have to be willing to do the work. Bottom line. It is not your friend’s job to educate you on what it means to be black or to be a person of color. That experience is tiring enough and to expect the intellectual and emotional labor from a friend is selfish and insensitive. Also, yes it is possible to be racist or be racially insensitive and have black friends. This happens everyday. As a person of color I had low expectations for my white friends when I was younger. I lived in the south and expecting a “woke” white friend was just asking for too much. If my standard for friendships were that high then I would end up not having them. However, since moving up north and enter college life I’ve been given more freedom like most other college students. With this freedom came exposure to more types of people and I realized there are friendships that exist in which the person of color does feel understood and empathized with by their white friend. Although mostly a good thing this revelation came with some sad byproducts. Because I realized there were white friends who could be racially sensitive and understanding, it became more difficult to invest in my childhood friendships. This is happening currently. It’s hard and I’m not sure we’ll make it and I don’t know if that makes me close-minded or if it makes her stubborn. Either way it’s a dilemma I didn’t fully expect having to make anytime soon.
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