Long Lasting Romantic Relationships

As we discussed in this weeks lesson attraction is the first steps in any romantic relationship.  Generally two people find themselves attracted to one another and in most cases start to bond and spend quality time together.  Also like we discussed in this weeks lesson the saying “Birds of the same feather flock together” is a true saying and I stand by this old saying.  As mentioned in the lesson sometimes adolescents find themselves attracted and dating someone who is totally different from them both physically and personality wise however if you look years later down the line they are not attracted nor dating this same person.  People in most cases like to date/be romantically involved with someone who shares common interests, beliefs, customs, values, etc.  With that said this occurs because it makes people feel more comfortable when they are romantically involved with someone who understands them.  Many times in relationships the “one major psychological explanations that is used is the similar-to-me effect.”  Basically the “similar-to-me effect is when individuals are attracted or like people who think and look like they do.”  There are proven facts that people who like the same things or who have similar personalities and demeanor’s end up getting along a lot better than those who don’t.  My fiance and I are living proof of the similar-to-me effect. We both share common interest, likes, values, beliefs, and customs.  We’ve been together since 2009 and still together almost nine years later and finally engaged with plans to be married July 2019.  I feel like communication is that much easier in a romantic relationship when someone knows you because you feel comfortable to be and act yourself.  With that said we still have so much diversity between us which is a good thing and a very unique thing in my book.  You want some diversity in a relationship because if you literally have none then it could just seem washy or even like you are dating yourself.  Fortunately our diversity is something I love about our relationship he is African-American and I am Caucasian and we both come from different places.  He was born in Zimbabwe and his family migrated here for good when he was just four years old while I was born in the United States.  We still have diversity but our personalities just connected on a much deeper level because we share so much in common.  I believe that these are true and valuable traits to a long lasting romantic relationship.

(Luo & Klohnen, 2005)

(Lurtz, 1999).

1 comment

  1. So something that your post made me think about is how as human beings we change so much over the years… The person that I am now is not very similar to the girl I once was lets say back in 2010. At 32 I am so different than I was in my early 20’s. I would say that at my core, my deep down inside little voice in my head that helps me decide what I believe to be right and wrong, and what I want out of my life, in a grander sense hasn’t changed. But my taste has changed drastically. My life experience has changed the way I behave and act. I still have a lot of the same friends I had back when I was younger and I think in many ways its because our deep core beliefs were similar regardless of our more superficial differences.I think marriage is interesting for this reason. I have parents who are celebrating 47 years together this December but I often find myself wondering about marriage and if it makes sense to believe that the person you fell in love with at once point in your life is till going to be the person your in love with decades down the road. You say that you and Cork use to have nothing in common and didn’t get along, but with time your differences became fewer and fewer and now you are incredibly close. Friendship is different from romance in many respects but I find myself wondering about the timelessness of love. If birds of a feather flock together what does this mean when time changes your feathers? I do think that relationships based on similarities last longer, perhaps because they are easier to maintain…and that relationships with those different than ourselves can be very rewarding as they help add balance our lives. But what I really find myself wondering is how these psychological tests on relationships hold over time. The only constant is chase they say… so …. ?

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