When people consider my husband and I’s relationship they often comment that “it must be true that opposites attract!” My husband is an extreme extrovert, he’s a musician, and at times can be all over the place. I, on the other hand, am structured and organized and prefer quiet nights in to wild nights out (with an occasional exception). These examples are the basis of the idea that we are total opposites, so of course opposites attract. What most people fail to realize is that we are much more alike than we are different. When we began dating we learned that we both wanted the same sort of things out of life. We knew both eventually wanted kids and a stable relationship. We both had educational and career goals. My husband and I both wanted to move to a different area and travel when ever and where ever possible. Most importantly we have the same morals and values. This is indicative of the similar-to-me effect, which states that people generally get along with others that think and look similar to them (Nelson, 2018). Our relationship doesn’t exemplify the notion that “opposites attract,” it represents the notion that “birds of a feather flock together.”
As I reflect on the similar-to-me effect, it not only rings true to my romantic relationship but to my friendships as well. I have one friend in particular who worked for me years ago, and we couldn’t stand each other, but at the point in our lives we were complete opposites. I had one child and was very career and family focused, to be perfectly honest boring. Cork on the other hand was the epitome of a wild child, she was single, had zero responsibilities, lived at home with her parents, and I had already outgrown this phase. Since then we have both evolved and grown, had similar life experiences and lessons. She is now one of my very closest friends and confidants.
References
Nelson, A. (2018). Lesson 12 Relationships/Every day life, Attraction. Retrieved November 8, 2018. https://psu.instructure.com/courses/1942493/modules/items/25002553
I can totally related to what you went through with your friend. I also had a friend who was on the wild side and unfortunately she really never grew out of it and in result we aren’t friends anymore but I do not regret having to remove myself from a friendship that just was not what it once was. I also am the type that would prefer a quiet night over a long and loud one. What I’ve learned is that some people grow out of these stages and it is just a phase while others just naturally have that personality and sometimes two people just won’t click like they once did and life goes on.
Hi!
I love hearing stories where people who used to not stand each other, end up becoming best friends. I sadly can’t say the same for me, but I’m glad that that has happened to you. When it comes to relationships, I definitely agree and have experienced the same thing; you seem like opposites until you get to know each other and date for a while. The similarities become obvious and then it turns out that you’re more alike than you originally thought. I love that! It sounds like you have quite a wonderful relationship and friendships. It looks like the similar-to-me effect can be applied to almost everyone then.
Great post!
-Maya