Review: Face/Off (and wrap up)

Here it comes.

The moment you’ve all been waiting for…

Pretty much every blog post up until this final installment has been positive and glowing (with the possible exception of “Argo,” but even there I didn’t critique much). I love movies. There aren’t very many movies I don’t enjoy.

Enter the review of “Face/Off”…

*SOB*

Pictures from this point forward will consist primarily of GIFs.

This movie stars John Travolta and the actor the Internet loves to hate, Nicolas Cage. Seriously, everything he does is a joke. Why does he still play serious roles in movies?

Anyway, we know there’s trouble from the beginning when Cage forces a woman to sit on his lap and suck on his tongue. Perversion seems to be one of his character’s fundamental qualities.

I can’t even think of a caption for this…

If GIF files made sound, you would hear all the weird Nic Cage-noises that accompany his batshit-crazy facial expressions.

And the craziness does not stop with Nicolas Cage.

An extremely-contrived plot line is the least of the action movie holes that this film falls into. Well of course the easiest way to find the bomb planted by terrorist-Nic Cage is to steal Nic Cage’s face while he’s in a coma.

“Take it, it’s yours!”

Seriously. They remove his face. You can’t just take a face off and put it on at will, that’s not–it’s not–it’s…

Nevermind. Nothing in this movie makes sense anyway. If your willing suspension of disbelief holds for the face-exchange scene, then you’ll be fine for everything else– Travolta brings down Cage’s plane by stepping on it with a helicopter, Cage throws a container of sulfuric acid in the air and then shoots it (brilliant), both actors get into a boat chase where Cage drives his flaming boat through another flaming boat, which explodes, and society decides that the best way to lock up Nicolas Cage is to give him metal boots and construct a prison with a built-in magnetic field so he can’t move his feet.

It didn’t work. Nothing ever works.

This movie also taught me that everything makes sparks when you shoot it. It was probably someone’s job to run around the set placing fireworks, in which case where can I get an application?

My favorite part of this movie was when Travolta’s character wakes up to find that he’s got the face of Nicolas Cage, and promptly freaks out, breaking three mirrors with a coat rack and shouting “FUCK YOU” at every person in the room, one at a time.

I don’t think Mr. Cage handles emotions well, especially the fake kind. I sometimes wonder if he embraces his own lunacy. It would certainly explain “The Wicker Man.”

I must, however, admit that I enjoyed the hell out of this movie. If you’re really into cheap action flicks or the so-bad-it’s-good genre, check it out. And in the meantime, enjoy this tasty treat, straight out of the caring and warm oven of the Internet:

The Wrap Up

Well, I gotta say it’s been a pleasure reviewing movies for you all. So much of a pleasure that I’m considering keeping this going. One thing’s for sure, as long as there are new movies out there to watch, I will be watching them. So stay tuned, keep in touch, and continue watching movies, because some day you might see a name you recognize in the credits. Tee hee.

That is all.

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14 Responses to Review: Face/Off (and wrap up)

  1. Katy Harlow says:

    I didn’t realize so many people disliked Nicolas Cage so much. I never saw him as a bad actor. I actually quite enjoy his films. Maybe I’m weird. Though I must say that I think I will avoid Face/Off…it looks a little too strange for my liking. But the GIFs are pretty amusing……and creepy the same time. Great reviews Caleb!

  2. Mike Stavrakos says:

    I sometimes wonder if Nic Cage has just at this point embraced his horrible reputation and the ensuing internet fame that comes with it just so he can remain relevant, albeit in a degrading manner. Great blog post, definitely would have summed up most of Nic Cage’s movies pretty well.

  3. Maddison Rhoa says:

    Ew, Nicholas Cage. He grosses me out on so many levels.

    That being said, your blog has never EVER been dull. I have greatly enjoyed your movie reviews and I’m glad to hear that you’ll be continuing to do so! As far as Face Off goes… well, I think your review is the closest I’ll ever get to watching it. But take that as a compliment – I feel very fulfilled having read your post. Nice job! 🙂

  4. Mary Newman says:

    Nicolas Cage. There are no words to describe this man. I thoroughly enjoyed your review of this movie, and was wondering if you had heard of #OperationCageOnCageOnCage that occurred on campus a few days ago. I saw a post about it on Onward State, and if you enjoy laughing about Nic Cage, you will enjoy reading this article: http://onwardstate.com/2013/04/10/nicholas-cage-photoshops-invade-campus/

  5. Sean McGowan says:

    I’ve read many of your reviews, and this one is by the far the most persuasive. I feel like I need to watch this movie – right now. Right after I watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xP1-oquwoL8

    Again. and again. and again.

  6. Lindsey Hannon says:

    Your blogs have been awesome this year!! I may not have commented on yours a lot but I definitely read alot of them and have been extremely impressed!! Great job!!

  7. Christina Murdoch says:

    Loved the GIFs! I may watch this movie to see how riduclous it is. But to honest, I can’t even stand Nicolas Cage! The only good movie I have ever seen him in was Moonstruck. Otherwise, I just can’t watch.

  8. May says:

    The number of Nicholas Cage GIFS available from the, and I quote one of my favorites, “the caring and warm oven of the Internet” is quite terrifying to be honest. Not because I necessarily think he’s a bad actor (I actually think he’s not that bad, based on the few movies I’ve seen with him in it)…but rather, due to the way the Internet elves manage to choose his least appealing moments and center primarily on those. It’s been a joy reading this post, as well as your previous ones!

  9. Dani Smith says:

    Not a fan of Nic Cage as an actor, though I do enjoy is insanity, I’m not sure if I’d be able to make it through the movie because I’d probably be laughing through the whole thing. Maybe my friends and I will sit down and attempt to keep each other breathing while watching it.

  10. Austin Marlowe says:

    Ha Ha, this movie looks horrible. I am however a big fan of national treasure, so I can t pick on Nicolas Cage too much. As a fellow movie fan I have thoroughly enjoyed your reviews, thank you.

  11. Sabrina Evans says:

    I just finally understood the title! Seriously, I never had a bad opinion about Nicholas Cage because the only thing I’d ever seen with him in it was National Treasure. And who doesn’t love National Treasure?

  12. Kimmie Williams says:

    Yeah I’m not too sure where the whole “let’s hate on Nic Cage” thing came from, but it’s entertaining…to a certain point. I’ve never seen this movie but based on your review, I’m pretty sure I’m going to stay far far away from it. I’m more of a fan of the “Good Will Hunting” genre of movies, but I’m not limited. Thanks for the great blog this semester, it was a pleasure to read

  13. Anurag Sen says:

    I do not really get why people complain about Nicolas Cage’s acting. I would not say it is the best but it is still adequate. I realize he is a bit emotionless and when he tries to become more colorful he looks a bit silly. The only Nicolas Cage movie I truly enjoyed was probably National Treasure. I have not seen too many Nicolas Cage movies but the ones I have seen like Ghostrider were pretty bad.

  14. Steven Weiss says:

    I love Nicolas Cage. As a man, as an actor, as a G**D***** visionary. Vampire’s Kiss is a sublime film that I have never seen the equal of. The Bad Lieutenant sequel? Hell yes. Wicker Man? Two words: bear suit.

    In related news, did you see the pictures of Nicolas Cage that were all over Willard on Wednesday? It made my day.

    Also, thanks for the awesome and well-written blog.

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