Winnie the Pooh is not so Innocent

For my next conspiracy theory I would like to discuss a classic childhood story that was made into books, TV shows, movies, and much more.. Winnie the Pooh. Now I know that growing up Winnie the Pooh was one of my favorite characters and I am sure he was (and still is) for many other children. However, there are a few conspiracy theories that get brought up about the famous bear and his friends. I would like to focus on the one that I thought was one of the better ones and that is that all the characters of Winnie the Pooh are on drugs.

Lets start out with my absolute favorite Winnie the Pooh character: Eeyore. Now as any Winnie the Pooh fans know, this donkey doesn’t really care about much compared to the other characters, has slow reactions, and is not too motivated so obviously Eeyore has been smoking some marijuana.

Now Tigger is kind of the opposite of Eeyore. The crazy tiger can’t calm down and is always bouncing and never tired, which means only one thing.. Tigger has been using ecstasy.

I’m not going to lie, Piglet was always one of my least favorite characters for a couple different reasons. First, I always thought piglet was a girl and when I found out she/he wasn’t it was awkward because I thought him and Pooh were dating, but hey I support gay rights! Secondly, i just found piglet to be super annoying with always being scared and paranoid that he was being chased. I guess I should excuse that second reason though because the reason he was so paranoid is because he has been using mushrooms.

Now as for Rabbit he constantly in everyone’s business and is rather needy so the only explanation that makes sense is cocaine.

Now lets talk about Pooh Bear himself. He loves his sweets (honey) and really can have the wildest imagination so I think it is safe to say the Pooh Bear’s drug of choice is LSD.

Now I think it is obvious that Christopher Robin has been using hallucinogens.. he talks to animals, including a bear and a tiger.. that’s crazy.

Now you all may be wondering where these characters get their drugs but I think it is obvious if you think about it. The owl is the one who is their when anyone needs him so he is clearly the dealer.

I hope this didn’t ruin anyone’s outlook on Winnie the Pooh. It’s all the same, the characters are just not as innocent as you think.

 

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2 Responses to Winnie the Pooh is not so Innocent

  1. Alissa Janoski says:

    I just sat in the back of this lab and laughed out loud to this blog. Thank you for making Thursday totally worth it.

  2. Emma Gambino says:

    Piglet would be a lot happier if he was on shrooms. Also, the rabbit definitely isn’t coke, if anything Tigger is. The rabbit is more like the narc of the group. but overall I am disappointed with this conspiracy theory, Catherine. Next you should totally look into the Montauk Project. It’s super creepy and totally true because I live there and I’ve grown up hearing stories about it. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Montauk_Project check it out!

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