Well, my loyal readers, it’s been a good time.  This semester has sped by so quickly and I cannot believe I am already closing out of a blog topic.  I loved writing about conversations with strangers this semester, because it provided me with that push to talk to strangers and learn things.  Unfortunately, it can be a hit-or-miss type of subject, which is why I won’t be continuing with it in the spring.  I have learned a lot from some of the conversations; for example, the best of people comes through when you speak to them and don’t have any presumptions.  Simply attempting to talk to people teaches you things, such as how to empathize, what others see in the world and in you, and where you can improve upon your own communication.  I know I’ve gradually gotten better at really listening to people and putting myself in their shoes.

I hope you gained something similar to my personal lessons learned from reading these blog posts.  Hopefully, you all gained something from them, whether it was an entertaining story or a thought-provoking subject for reflection.  As always, I continue to encourage you to feel the bravery to talk to strangers, even if it is just small talk.  Some of the most interesting things are learned in the most surprising ways, but it does require you to step out and take part in the world.  So talk to that stranger in line, or ask someone what they think about a current event.  Just talk.  And thanks again for reading along with me these past few months.  🙂

On Thanksgiving last week, I was working at a community dinner at my church, serving a free dinner to anyone in the community in need.  While working, I struck up a conversation with someone else volunteering at the dinner who doesn’t go to my church.  It began with the typical starter for the day:  “What are you doing for Thanksgiving dinner this evening?”  After exchanging the simple answers (family, dinner with relatives, etc.), the woman asked me lightly, “Are you planning to go Black Friday shopping?”  “No way!” was my response, because I had gone last year and that one experience was enough for me.

She said she was not planning to go Black Friday shopping either and I mentioned how crazy it was that last year the mall opened at midnight, but this year the mall was opening at 8 PM ON THANKSGIVING NIGHT.  So much for “Black Friday.”  And she responded, “So much for Thanksgiving.”

(image credit:  mojosavings.com)

We discussed the following issue which I want to present to you, my readers, as a topic of thought.  On Thanksgiving, we eat and we are supposed to be thankful for all that we have.  Then we go out Friday at the crack of dawn (or Thursday at this point) to fight for deals on material items that we don’t need to buy!  Granted, the original idea was to shop for gifts for others, but what does it say if you buy a gift for someone because the sale is amazing, rather than getting them something they’d truly enjoy?  I would personally rather receive a small, meaningful gift than a huge gift that someone got me on Black Friday because it was 90% off.

(image credit:  gadgetronic.net)

In general, our society has an attitude that has increasingly become materialistic.  For starters, the Christmas season should really not be about gift-giving, but about spending time with family and about the religious holiday, if you so believe.  However, it is not that way anymore because companies have become so obsessed with selling us things (as we have with buying things) for gifts.  I don’t know about you, but the lady that I talked with and I agreed that this holiday season, we should strive for less gifts and more appreciation for what we already have.

As a part of Vole, the ballet club, I go to socials on a regular basis.  The awesome thing about socials is that you get to actually talk to people and get to know them.  On multiple occasions I have talked to the pledges – the guys that are currently in the process of becoming brothers of the fraternity.  But one conversation I had recently struck a chord with me and I really want to share what I heard.

Pledges are always the ones that have to do the work for socials and parties, and that honestly makes me feel bad.  I told this guy who was manning the doors that I felt bad because the brothers always tell them to do things and they have to obey.  This guy was just getting done with his “shift” at the door and we continued to converse afterwards.  He told me that I shouldn’t feel bad for them because they know what they are signing up for when they decide to become brothers.  Every brother has at some time been a pledge and had to do whatever the brothers told him, so it’s “tradition.”

As an independent person, I told him, I’m amazed that you all drop what you’re doing and obey whatever they tell you to do.  I’m someone who would never be able to deal with another person bossing me around.  He told me he was lucky because a lot of pledges at other fraternities have it worse.

Now, obviously there are strict rules about hazing today and fraternities can get into a lot of trouble just for the smallest things.  But I was told some stories about the hazing that happens at different frats and how it varies in degrees depending on the tier (or ranking) of the frat.  For the sake of their privacy and to prevent the frats from getting into trouble, I will not share specific stories.  But for the most part, it’s innocent and silly for the pledges.  For example, quizzing them on things they should know.  It’s not a big deal at all, but the reason hazing has become a problem is because of the more intense frats that do terrible things.

I was told stories about what they supposedly do at top-tier frats, which basically is really inappropriate.  So hazing DOES exist.  No one wants to admit it because they don’t want to get the frats in trouble.  But this is an issue.  Most of it isn’t dangerous, but with the recent anti-Semitic prank, it needs to be addressed.

Having this conversation with this pledge reminded me that this is still an issue.  While I don’t think every frat should be punished, the ones that commit crimes like the recent swastika vandalism need to be addressed.  How can we do this?  Is there something average students can do or is it the responsibility of the brothers/pledges?

Did you go canning last weekend?  Or have you gone at least once?  It’s an interesting experience and you sure meet some interesting people.  I was canning last weekend in a town outside of Philly and we were at a very backed up intersection.  So it was the perfect place to collect money.  However, it makes conversation short.  But I heard a few things throughout the day that really struck me as important to share with you.

I was wearing a tutu (yes, I had pants on underneath) and dancing around so that people would pay attention to me.  It seems like a stupid thing to do because they see you anyways, but people REALLY pay attention when you are acting like a fool.  I had someone donate a solid $20 and what did they say to me whenever I thanked them?  “I give you so much credit for having that much energy when you’re standing in the cold all day.”  At least 5 other people thanked me back whenever I thanked them because they were happy we took the time to stand outside in the cold for the kids.

(image credit:  Saray Checo)

One lady had a green light but pulled over and gave me money.  She said, “I was in a hurry but that seems so much more important than my other priorities.”  Wow.  Impacting statement that I wasn’t expecting.

And then there was a lady who told me her grandson has leukemia.  It can be hard when someone you don’t know shares such personal, intimate information with you.  I didn’t really know what to say but I thanked her and told her that’s why we do what we do.  We want to support the kids and help find a cure.  She must have thanked me 10 times.

(image credit:  lockhaven.com)

Although my conversations this week weren’t long, they were thought-provoking.  We all do so much as Penn State students to benefit THON but we often don’t feel like it’s impacting much.  There are little reminders like this that really hit home.  That lady whose grandson has leukemia was so thankful that she couldn’t say it enough!  It’s a great reminder to hear these things and know that we ARE making a difference in the lives of these people.

Have you taken the time to get involved in THON?  If you are involved, have you had a personally impactful conversation with someone who is actually benefitting from all that we’re doing?  What was it like to realize you were doing good for those people?

Tonight, I went to the Macklemore concert and had in the back of my mind, “Gosh what can I write about tonight?  This week of conversations with people was a bust.”  However, sometimes these conversations come out of nowhere, as my conversation tonight did.

(image: popdust.com)

I was waiting for the Blue Loop at the bus stop and a guy was asking someone where he should catch a bus to go downtown.  He was clearly not from around here and the guys he asked were clueless (and probably drunk/high).  So I heard him and said, “If you want to get down to College Ave, the Blue Loop takes you there.”  Thus began our conversation.

We made small talk about the concert and other concerts we have been to.  We talked about how the concerts at State College are cheaper than seeing the same performance elsewhere because it’s for college students.  And he told me that he was new to the area and from Pittsburgh.  I’m from Pittsburgh as well, and this created another path of understanding because I’m still (relatively) new to the area.

(image: globalcool.org)

However, multiple things this guy said hinted that he was not a college student.  He said he’s ex-Army and also something about house arrest.  While the house arrest thing should have scared me a bit, I honestly felt a friendly connection with this guy.  We didn’t talk about anything important, but that’s not the point of this post.

As I talked to this guy, I realized that I have prejudices that can easily be disproven.  And I’m sure I’m not alone.  I grew up in a upper middle class home and went to school in a safe area.  So my far-off understanding of people who have had lives other than the typical college/service path seem to be really foreign.  But this guy reminded me that we all have a basic humanness that means that we can relate to each other.  He and I may not be able to relate in our lifestyles but we could have a conversation about music.

Though it was an indirect lesson, I encourage you to not be afraid to talk to a stranger who is from a different background than you.  It might seem scary, but you won’t know how other people see the world until you allow yourself to talk to them.

Seeing a guy walk by in a bunny costume on my way to lunch today, I decided to talk to a stranger about costumes, being that it’s Halloween and that they are always a subject of controversy.  I enjoy costumes like his:  humorous, not offensive, and just plain silly.  But when does humorous become offensive?  When does sexiness become inconsiderate?  I’ve been thinking about this lately as the “Native American” costume has become popular this year.

(image courtesy of halloweencostumes.com)

I decided to talk to someone who was sitting near me in the HUB and just casually bring up the funny costumes.  She was very easy to talk to, which made this that much easier.  I eventually asked her what she was being for Halloween.  “Sexy Red Riding Hood.”  Simple enough, I thought, and not offensive to anyone. (Although sexy costumes are another topic altogether).

I told her that I was wearing an old dance costume because I had no time to think of anything creative.  But I asked her what creative costumes she’d heard about and/or seen pictures of on the internet that were trends this year.  Sure enough, the “Sexy Native American” costume was a top choice.  I told her that I thought that such a costume was racist and offensive to people with Native American heritage.  Sure, it’s not saying anything bad about the culture, but it is stereotyping them into a false image of what the culture actually is.

(image courtesy of vegaoo.co.uk)

Another costume I mentioned was the “Sexy Mexican” costume.  That costume has to top it all because who thinks it’s okay to dress in a sombrero and poncho (and a very skimpy one, at that) and feel as though they aren’t offending others?  Then, you add the “blackface” makeup.  Again, who even invented such a thing?  Is it really okay to pretend that you have black skin?  I would be offended, I told her, if someone wore “whiteface” and pretended to be a pale chick like me.  That’s not cool.

I found this to be an interesting conversation, and it’s definitely one that a LOT of people have around this time of year.  So what are you being for Halloween?  Does it avoid offensive stereotyping?  I leave you with a diagram that will help you determine whether you’re in the clear or not:

(image courtesy of collegehumor.com)

This week, I started to notice people wearing capes around campus.  Being somewhat curious about the reasoning behind this, I sat down next to a guy wearing a cape in the HUB on Wednesday.  Feeling brave (because it can be surprisingly hard to talk to strangers, no matter how outgoing you are), I said, “Can I ask why you’re wearing that cape?”  He responded, “Yeah that’s actually why I’m wearing it.  Have you ever heard of RAM Squad?”  I’ve heard the name but didn’t really know much about it.  So he told me how RAM stands for Raw Aesthetic Movements, and that RAM Squad is a hip-hop and breakdance group at Penn State.  They’re open to anyone on any dance level and don’t hold auditions.

What’s the cap about though?  He told me that it was for spreading awareness of an event they will be holding this Saturday called For The Heroes.  This event is the first alternative THON fundraiser that the group is holding.  The idea is that the kids battling pediatric cancer are heroes to us.  In an attempt to portray this, RAM Squad wants to use the power of dance and community.

(photo credit:  RAM Squad Presents For The Heroes (FTH) Benefiting THON! – Facebook event)

So I asked him, “What will actually be taking place at this event on Saturday?”  There will be dance workshops (for kids and for college students), face painting, and cape making!  Who wouldn’t want to make a cape?  The focus of the event is to involve kids themselves in spreading awareness of pediatric cancer.  And there will be a lot of kids on campus on Saturday already, because of the THON 5K.  The event will be taking place at Heritage Hall in the HUB from 11 am to 3 pm.

So this week, talking to a stranger actually was encouraged in general by RAM Squad.  They wanted people to stop them and ask about the capes, but it takes bravery to do so (whether you find that surprising or not).  I encourage everyone, as always, to take the chance and talk to a stranger.  Especially if you see them wearing a cape!  And check out more information about For The Heroes at the RAM Squad website and in this Prezi!

Website:  http://www.ramsquadpsu.com/for-the-heroes-fth.html

Prezi:  http://prezi.com/odxkhat6weh2/for-the-heroes/?utm_campaign=share&utm_medium=copy

At the involvement fair two/three months ago, I signed up for information from a LOT of Christian groups, but I have yet to be able to attend any events with any of the groups.  Once in a while, I get an email or a text message encouraging me to come to something.  But recently I got a text message that was different:  a girl asking me to have lunch with her sometime so we can meet and get to know each other.  She was really sweet about it and not pressuring me into anything besides lunch so I said sure.  We went to lunch today at Chipotle and I decided to write about the casual conversation that ensued.

Faith for me is a very personal thing, and Callie brought up faith through casual conversation, not directly by saying “What do you think about Christianity?” or “Are you a Christian?” but by asking about whether I grew up in a church at home.  I told her about my Christian upbringing and how I love my church family and can’t wait to see them when I finally go home.  She immediately could relate, saying she knows how great it feels to be accepted by a group of people and to be able to call them family.

Then she asked, “So what’s your goal for your faith throughout college?”  It wasn’t asked in a forward manner, but it really got me thinking about what I wanted to do and learn about my faith over the next four or so years.  I go to church here, like I did at home, but I haven’t really stepped out of my boundaries or attempted to take it beyond that.  And I guess that’s what Christian groups are for on campus!

So naturally I asked her about the group she works with, RUF (Reformed University Fellowship).  It seemed like a very welcoming group because she told me that it was a group who accepted her for the good and the bad.  It’s unfortunate how rare that can be with groups sometimes.  But talking to this girl at a relaxed lunch was just what I needed.  I now have plans to attend their weekly large and small group meetings, so long as they fit into my schedule.  Sometimes, when a stranger reaches out to you, you just have to go with it and see where it takes you.

Body image as a dancer can be a struggle.  You want to look like you have somewhat of a body when you’re outside of the studio but when you’re in the studio… everything on your body seems to swell.  How did I gain 20 pounds walking into this room?  Oh, because the girls around me are really small and have the perfect “dancer’s body.”

The term “dancer’s body” can refer to so many things because there are so many different styles of dance.  But when referenced here, and in general, it usually refers to the skinny ballerina who has like 3 pounds of fat on her entire body.  And walking into a dance studio as an average dancer, it’s easy to feel inadequate.  This always seemed to be a problem I suffered alone, because at my old studio at home, I was one of the largest in my dance class.  Most of the girls were just naturally really small.

That all changed, however, when I joined Volé, the ballet club here at Penn State.  In my intermediate class on Monday night, I noticed something on a small chalkboard that started a conversation between myself and a couple other girls whom I did not know.  It said, “I love dance,” and had an arrow above dance pointing to another word:  “food”.  I laughed and said to a girl, “That’s so true for me!”  She confirmed the same for herself by saying that she loves food more than dance!  It was funny to myself and another girl and we briefly discussed this “ultimate struggle” that apparently a lot of dancers have to deal with.

It was lighthearted, and I joked that I eat a lot, then I feel fat and dance makes me feel skinny again so I can eat more.  The never-ending cycle.  But this cycle can unfortunately lead to body image issues, eating disorders, and depression; and feeling like others can relate makes it seem a little bit more bearable.

Though this exchange with these two girls was short and sweet, it made me realize something.  The three of us are in the intermediate ballet class, so we aren’t beginners.  And we aren’t all one size, the size that seems to be expected of dancers.  We are all different shapes and sizes and yet all at the same level of dance.  In this encounter, I was reminded that a real “dancer’s body” is simply one that allows us to do just that:  dance. And that’s enough for me!

What happens when my attempts at talking to strangers turn up blank?  This seemed to happen over and over to me when I tried to talk to people at lunch this week.  So, as a psychology major, I decided to take this opportunity to apply what I know from social psychology to such blanks.

Nonverbal communication is the use of body language, expressions and gestures to convey messages that are not verbally expressed.  What does this mean with strangers at lunch?  Have you ever thought about it?

Most people sit by themselves and keep their head down and focused on anything that doesn’t require them to make eye contact with others.  It’s a miracle that cell phones were created because no one is that focused on their food.  More often than not, whenever I sit down at lunch at the HUB, the people around me are hunched forward, looking at something besides people around them, and have headphones in to block out noise.  With behavior like this as the norm, it’s no wonder people are “strangers”.

So how can we knock down this wall and start a conversation?  Smile.  Say hi.  Ask about something the person is doing.  It sounds simple but when the time comes, even I, who am blogging about such things, finds it hard to do.  The first step is the hardest.

Chances are, the person sitting next to you is thinking just as much about how awkward it is to sit alone at lunch as you are.  So do something!  The worst that could happen is exactly what happened to me this week.  Some blanks are drawn but it’s not the end of the world.

Instead, think of some positive things that could happen.  That girl next to you could need a smile to get her through the day.  Or that guy might have a great personality waiting to be seen!  You just might make a new friend, which is something everyone could use once in a while.