This paper is a satire of the “pledging process” that many fraternities go through.
It is a very scary scene when you come to college for your freshman year and have no clue who your friends are and how to be social and get into parties. Many freshman will roam the streets and look for any party to get into, but most likely will get turned down. The reason for them getting turned down is because they are not part of a very important organization that many people today know was Greek Life. Greek Life consists of two main organizations called fraternities and sororities. Many students initially will be persuaded by current members of said organizations to join their fraternity or sorority, being promised with things like social events, abundant parties (including drugs and alcohol), and most importantly for fraternities: an irreplaceable brotherhood that lasts an entire lifetime. Fraternities create these brotherhoods through the most important part of these young mens life, the pledge process.
The pledge process consists of many young men bonding with their fellow pledge classes. Their pledge classes consist of other students that decided to join the fraternity at the same time as them. Currently pledging consists of doing minor tasks such as drinking obscene amounts of alcohol, cleaning up the house of their fraternity, and doing small chores for the brothers of the fraternity they are pledging for. I do not think that is enough to establish a bond between these brothers that will last for the rest of their lives; I believe extreme hardships experienced together during the pledge process creates an everlasting bond that cannot be replaced. I propose that fraternities step up their pledge process from their current process, to a much more effective method consisting of periods of slavery, extreme isolation, and ultimately a human sacrifice.
One of the first steps of the pledging process should consist of the brothers giving up parts of their past to establish a new connection with their new family–their pledge brothers. One attribute that most people carry with them for the entirety of their lives is their name. I propose that as soon as the pledges enter the pledge process, they change their last names to the Greek letters of their fraternity. This will immediately establish and important connection between the pledges and serve almost as an icebreaker to start up some important conversations. This also creates more distancing between them and the rest of society, letting the rest of society know that they are part of an important organization.
After they change their names, the pledges will need to start focusing more on the pledge process more than anything else in their lives, including prior friends and acquaintances. This kind of distancing strengthens the bonds between the pledges while also establishing some distance from society, because being involved in a fraternity needs to be known as something that is held to a high esteem, and thus they cannot be involved with people of lower social classes such as normal students. Pledges can only remain in contact with other sororities and fraternities at this point in the pledge process. Even though other fraternities and sororities shouldn’t be perceived as better than ones own fraternity, they should still be perceived as much better than any other social groups.
Once a distance has been created from the rest of lesser society, it is important for the pledge brothers to start creating their own types of mannerisms and sayings. The pledges should start to develop code words and other sayings that create even more of a bond and when heard by outsiders makes them appear to be “cool”. Many common phrases that exist in modern pledges classes consist of “Turnt up” and “Rage”. Not only should they use these kinds of words and phrases constantly, they should also make sure that the focus of every conversation they carry out with anyone in a Greek Life organization or out of Greek Life should be about Greek Life and only Greek Life. For example, if pledge brother Bobby was to go talk to his pledge brother Thomas, he might say “Hey did you hear how Tim (who is also in Greek Life) blacked out last night after drinking 20 shots?” This maintains a constant reminder to everyone around that only events that happen within Greek Life are important, and things in life such as school work, family, and other forms of entertainment, are not.
At this point in the pledge process, it is now time to cut off all existing connection with ones family and pre-existing friends. This will once again emphasize the importance of the brotherhood, and that this brotherhood will be with you for the rest of their life. Not to worry though, once the pledging process is over, contact with families will be able to be resumed. One phone call for five minutes per month with family is allowed. It is important to maintain a connection with ones main source of income, as they will be funding most of the pledge process and pledge uniforms(which will be talked about later).
At this current step in pledge process, the pledge is feeling very pleased with his decision to pledge. He has little to no repercussions, many social interactions with other pledges and Greek Life, and is forming a unique bond with his pledge class. Sadly, the bond he is forming is not enough. The pledge now needs to experience extreme hardships with the rest of his pledge brothers through extended amounts of slave labor. The pledge will be stripped of his possessions, including all clothing, and will be given woven clothe to wear for the duration of the slaving period. Taking away the pledges possessions and replacing his clothing is crucial because this humiliates the pledges. When all of the pledges are humiliated together, the bond between them is once again reinforced. The slaving period will consist mainly of manual labor, often pointless, just to break the will of the pledges. Some slaving activities might include, cleaning an entire bathroom with a toothbrush, trimming the hedges with scissors, breaking up rocks with a pickaxe, and also doing lots of pushups for no reason. The pointlessness of the tasks is important because it shows that they are doing all of this slave labor for no other reason than the brotherhood. Many pledges during this period might choose to leave the fraternity due to the intense amounts of manual labor. If they do choose to leave, they should be banned from ever returning and should be made fun of indefinitely.
One of the main themes that is reinforced over and over when pledging is the idea that any pledge brother will sacrifice almost anything for the fraternity or any other brother. After the slaving process is complete, many pledges will be near their breaking point, not being sure whether or not they are willing to continue any longer. During this time, the pledges are then to be presented with an ultimate psychological and physical test — a human sacrifice. The human sacrifice will be the final test to make sure that every pledge is fully devoted to their fraternity. Each pledge will be lined up one by one in front of the house gallows. From there, a pledge will be chosen randomly from a hat and will be executed in front of all other pledges to see. The sacrifice is the final symbolic part of the pledging process and demonstrates the sacrifice each brother gives to the fraternity during the pledge process. This also ensures that everyone in the fraternity in the fraternity would literally do anything to get there. It is only through near death experiences that the pledges can sufficiently bond enough to be called brothers.
After the final sacrifice, every pledge is now considered a brother and can continue on with their lives, with a few restrictions. One of the main ways they maintain their bond is through the official fraternity uniform. Every brother in the fraternity must wear matching shoes, pants, shirts, hats, etc. The uniforms must be of the same brand name, and every uniform will be the same, changing every season. Generally the uniforms consist of expensive clothing that changes depending on what is considered “In style” at the time. Because appearance is a very important aspect of Greek Life in general, every brother is also encouraged to spend 5 hours at the gym daily and spend at least a couple of hours every day making sure they look perfect before they can be seen by the rest of society. If a brother is caught dressing inappropriately, they will be made fun of and shamed into dressing like every other brother.
After graduation from college, every brother will continue to be in the fraternity and will consider it the most important part of their life for the rest of their life. They will eventually stop going to events involved with the fraternity, but continue to look back at what many consider their “glory days.”