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‘Passion Blog’ Category

  1. Tinder Finale

    April 14, 2015 by David Fanelli

    Well folks. This is it. The final blog. Before we begin, let me just assure you that it is your support and guidance that has brought me this far. You are my constituents; without you, I would be nowhere and many ladies would be hankering for a Tinder match with David Fanelli. But no. You were there. So thank you.

    Now onto serious matters. As soon as I publish this blog post, I am 100% deleting the Tinder app. I do not want to ever be associated with that application again. It has been the bane of my existence for this semester, and honestly I barely even used it. It has just sat there mocking me for far too long, and it’s for it to be gone from my life. No longer must I sit there waiting for a match. No longer must I swipe right on literally every person. Just thinking about getting rid of this app is so good. You have no idea. Anyways, let’s have some real talk.

    As surprising as it may sound, I managed to get a match on Tinder. But this is the kicker; the girl messaged  me first. Now honestly I didn’t reply because I will soon be leaving the world of Tinder. Needless to say, it’s nice to think that after 9 blog posts about this godforsaken app, I got a girl to message me first. I can’t fathom why she would do that, but I’m impressed. Keep in mind this is without a bio or anything of that nature. So 10/10 points for me on Tinder.

    Throughout this whole process, I have noticed my distaste for Tinder and anything related, and I have also noticed how odd people are on social media. I’ve definitely discussed this before, but there’s no doubt that people act differently on Tinder and other similar social media applications. They’re more open, judgmental, and they’re not afraid to take risks. Some of this is good, albeit most of this is bad. To me, social media applications such as Tinder are really just destroying the youth today. Similar to increased cell phone use, people are forgetting how to communicate. Although I’m no expert, most Tinder conversations are the stupidest thing; people talk about very generic things and “flirting,” but in reality it’s just people saying things so they can hook up. That’s another problem with Tinder; it’s detracting from the meaning of the word “relationship.” Tinder is designed to help facilitate the forming of interactions between people who (hopefully) find each other attractive. But this hardly ever happens. Most love stories don’t begin on Tinder (although I could be wrong). The point is is that Tinder and other similar apps have made dating and relationships extremely informal and “just another thing,” when in reality they are crucial to our development as humans. A relationship is by no means on the same level as Tinder. I can say that with the utmost confidence. But alas, people still turn to Tinder for these types of things, and maybe that’s why society faces so many issues; people can’t form relationships.

    To sum it up, here is a video of Conan O’Brien screwing around on Tinder:


    I don’t want to go on too long of a rant about Tinder because I just want to forget that I was ever part of it. Just admitting that brings pains to my heart. However, I would sincerely like to thank you for reading my blog throughout this year. While you were probably forced to read it because you have to get a good grade, it means a lot to me knowing that somewhere out there people actually care what I have to say, even if it is about something as trivial as Tinder. So from the bottom of my heart, and with a little sadness, it is time for me to say farewell. Goodbye, my friends. Perhaps one day, when this is all over, we shall see each other again. But not yet. There is still work to be done.


  2. Tinder: the Definition of Awesome

    April 7, 2015 by David Fanelli

    Hello again, my disciples. I can only imagine that you’ve been putting my teachings to good use in the world of Tinder. If not, then you’re probably doing something right. Anyways, I’m sure you’re all dying to hear about all of the mischief I’ve been up to in the two weeks since I’ve blogged. Well my friends, wait no more, for I have achieved a whopping matches on Tinder. I have not had a conversation with either of them. The first one started off with a glimmer of hope. I said, “what’s cookin’ good lookin’?” This is a common phrase among the whippersnappers these days, and golly did it work. Just look at this conversation I had:

    Screen Shot 2015-04-07 at 5.49.14 PM

    I know. It was very seductive. Altogether I’d give it a solid 9.62 stars out of 10 (and I don’t usually give that high of praise). Anyways, I’m not quite sure what I did wrong there. I thought it was going smoothly, but alas women are (even more of) a mystery on Tinder. I mean, in real life it’s hard for a guy to a approach a girl due to fear of rejection, but on Tinder it seems to disappear for a guy. That being said, even the greater amount of confidence one can display on Tinder may seem more attractive, it still doesn’t seem to work. I think a lot of times guys just end up coming off as idiots are jerks. And girls usually don’t like that. Aside from the fact that cheesy pick-up lines (thank you Sarah D’Souza) are a great way to get attention, the only other Tinder interaction that I’m 100% confident in is being weird. I know that 100% of the time this will fail. Take, for example, the second person I matched with in the 2-week break. She had a really cool-sounding name, and I commented on this. As is expected, I got no reply. Overall, 9.9 stars out of 10 on my part.

    Now, if you guys want to see some real Tinder prowess and skill, I’d like to give a special shoutout to my friend Haley Janowitz. I guess spending time around me has donated some of my Tinder skills to her, because she sent this literary masterpiece to a very fortunate fellow:

    Screen Shot 2015-04-07 at 5.50.32 PMScreen Shot 2015-04-07 at 5.50.37 PM


    Now according to Haley, this young chap responded with, “wow definitely the longest.” I don’t know what caused him to utter this blasphemous statement, because frankly I would shower a girl with gifts if she sent me that on Tinder. However, I guess it just goes to show that, similar to girls, guys are very odd on Tinder. From what I can tell (and this is very inaccurate data), it almost seems as though girls are looking for a more serious relationship on Tinder (correct me if I’m wrong), and boys tend to be looking more for “hook-ups” as the kids say. Thus, a girl sending such a goofy message as Haley might not illicit a similar response compared to a boy sending that to a girl. Like I said, I could be wrong, but it’s interesting to consider.

    So that’s about it for now, folks. I wish you well on your Tinder adventures.

  3. How to Be Bad at Tinder

    March 25, 2015 by David Fanelli

    Folks, I’d like to clear up a misconception you may have formed from reading this blog; contrary to popular belief, I don’t get a copious amount of Tinder matches. I know. I’m not gonna sugarcoat it. Thus far I have accumulated 19 matches, a handful of which are my friends. That’s a horrendous number, and as you know I don’t really take Tinder seriously. I just found out recently that you need to have location services on on your phone in order for people to see you on Tinder. Oops.

    But what really got me the other day was this:

    Screen Shot 2015-03-23 at 8.42.20 PM

    That’s right. I ran out of likes. As I’ve mentioned before, it’s gotten to the point where I just swipe right on every girl I see. Keep in mind that I usually have a 50 mile radius. Moral of the story is that I managed to run out of likes, and after all of that, I still have only 19 matches. I think the only song that can really describe me at this point is this song:

    What really bothers me is the fact that there’s an option to pay a whopping $9.99 PER MONTH for an unlimited amount of likes. Forgive me if you disagree, but frankly I can’t understand why anyone would pay that exorbitant amount of money just to screw around on Tinder. I mean, you can probably pay the same amount of an eHarmony account. It’s just preposterous. I can’t even download Facebook Messenger, but people are out there buying Tinder likes? That just really chaps my hide.

    Anyways, as usual, there were some moments of success. One girl matched with me and said “hi.” For once I was not weird and I said, “hey how’s it going.” I got no response. I’m not exactly sure what I did wrong, but apparently I just came off too abrasive. It was really just perplexing.

    Another thing I noticed is that one girl posted in her bio that she’s not the age she is on Tinder. Maybe she was just taking advantage of Facebook before and wanted to get a Tinder too (since Facebook you can lie about your age), but it would be really troubling to lie about your age just to be on Tinder. That being said, I’m not really sure why you would then proceed to tell the truth about your lie. I mean, I know that I don’t understand the appeal to Tinder, but I really just feel as though it really takes the point (whatever it may be) out of Tinder. If you’re looking for a relationship a person probably won’t like somebody who fakes their age just to be on Tinder. And if you’re looking for “other things,” I think the same thing applies. Then again, that’s just my perspective, and perhaps this was just a very isolated case. Whatever it may be, I figured it was worth mentioning. Anyways, I’ll try to keep trucking away at this Tinder thing and hopefully I won’t run out of likes again (because this is a scientific pursuit).

    Until next time, children.


  4. Tinder Stuff Again

    March 18, 2015 by David Fanelli

    Ahoy maties. I must apologize in advance because although I essentially had two weeks to screw around on Tinder (potentially doubling my usual charm output), this was sort of a down time. I took spring break to relax from the Tinder game a wee bit. Anyways, let’s talk about the Tinder.

    As I mentioned in of my previous posts, a foolproof method for succeeding on Tinder is to use cheesy pickup lines (a tactic courtesy of Sarah D’Souza). However, I managed to start a conversation with a girl without using one of these lines. I simply said, “Hey there cutie.” I like to keep it short, sweet, and to the point. For whatever reason this worked, and I’m assuming that it’s because people generally like being complimented, or perhaps this girl only talks to guys who start with that aforementioned line. Whatever it is, this girl seemed to deem me worthy of being talked to. Frankly, I didn’t think I would get that far, and so the rest of the conversation was pretty run-of-the-mill. Not too much action happening, but perhaps this conversation will actually last more than three lines. We’ll see.

    Another thing that I would like to address is the fact that this one girl actually unmatched with me without ever actually talking to me. I’m sure there are many who have done that to me before, but for whatever reason I noticed it. I’m not upset or anything, but I just don’t really understand (not a surprise) what this girl was expecting from Tinder (or what anybody expects from Tinder, for that matter). Tinder is just breeding grounds for random hookups and what not, so I guess if you don’t talk to a person fast enough the opportunity is gone. But I mentioned in a previous post that there seems to be no passing of time on Tinder. You can respond weeks later and a person will gladly accept that. So I guess I’m confused as to why not talking to somebody means you’ll unmatch with them. I mean, if I mean so much so to you that you go through the trouble to unmatch with me, then it would make sense to just start the conversation yourself. You know what I mean? I just think it’s very peculiar how the minds of people work on Tinder. In real life if we see somebody we’re attracted to, we (usually) make an effort, but on Tinder there are just so much more available people that I guess it’s not worth it brood over a single person (which kind of makes sense). But in reality I feel as though we have a habit of brooding over a single person who we don’t know, or maybe I’m just making that up.

    Another thing that I don’t understand (nor do I intend to) are “Moments.” I’m still not sure what they are, but from what I gather they’re pictures you can put up that everybody you matched with can see. Frankly I don’t have any “moments” in real life that are worth taking a picture, but that’s just me.

    Anyways, that’s all for now. I shall keep you updated on how many women fall for my devilishly good charm on Tinder.

  5. Tinder Success

    March 4, 2015 by David Fanelli

    Folks, as I mentioned last week, I messaged a girl on Tinder asking something about a woodchuck. Well, she did eventually respond, but alas it would seem I did not respond fast enough. Unfortunately, the girl was so impressed with my questioning of her woodchuck knowledge that she decided to unmatch with me. It was a real shame, because I thought we had something special. Maybe she doesn’t like wood chucks as much as I do. I’m still gonna say it was a success though.

    So about a month ago, I messaged this girl I matched with on Tinder. She responded back, and asked me how I was doing. Now folks, this message was sent on February 9th. I did not respond back until March 2nd. I was not expecting a response, but for whatever reason, she messaged me back. I am honestly just confused. I can understand maybe a week or two (tops), but almost a month? That’s ridiculous. It’s like time does not exist on Tinder. Nothing against this girl, and maybe it’s actually “normal” Tinder behavior, but I simply do not approve. Or maybe it’s just because of my attractiveness.

    Anyways, I must apologize to Sarah D’Souza for not taking her advice earlier. I used a cheesy pickup line and by George it worked. She was immediately wrapped around my finger. Simply magical. That brings me to my next point, which is in fact a very important tip for all of you aspiring Tinder kids; if you’re going to message people first on Tinder, it’s usually better to either go with a cheesy pick-up line rather than some absurd comment. Just take a look at this example:


    Screen Shot 2015-03-04 at 7.55.31 PM

    I honestly am not sure what inspired me to say that, but clearly it was not effective (surprisingly). So I know I can handle heartbreak well, but I just want everyone out there struggling with Tinder to learn from my experiences. Even if my experiences are extremely useless.

    Another thing I was dwelling on is my friend’s reaction to my Tinder. One of them asked me, “What does your bio say.” To which I replied, “nothing.” They were flabbergasted. I was informed that a good bio is extremely essential for a successful Tinder adventure. I have yet to actually test this hypothesis, and frankly I’m not sure I will, but knowing me, I’ll probably come up with an extremely stupid bio and see how that works out. I’ve always been one to keep people on their toes. It does also make me wonder how much people really look into that kind of stuff though. I mean, on Tinder you just kind of go through making artificial evaluations of people based on their looks. Does a bio really make that much of a difference? If I say some random fact about me, does that really make a girl more inclined to swipe right? Personally I am skeptical, and since I generally put minimal effort into being successful on Tinder, I doubt I’ll go through the effort of making one.

    Before I go, Emily Rothermel requested a shoutout because she was one of my first Tinder matches. So here ya go:


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