The Subtle Art…

As part of the “Self-directed informal learning” assignments, I decided to read “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck; A counter intuitive approach to living a good life” by Mark Manson. Warning: if you’re offended by the use of the F-word, you may not want to read on.

At the end of Chapter one, the last paragraph states “This book will not teach you how to gain or achieve, but rather how to lose and let go. It will teach you to take inventory of your life and scrub out all but the most important items. …It will teach you to give fewer f*cks. It will teach you not to try.”
The not trying part is the counter intuitive action (or non-action) to the the endless feed that we receive regarding the need for unwavering positivity, participation trophies, entitlement and social acceptance. The book is based on the idea that we’ve been conditioned to the need to achieve (bigger, better, faster, more more more) and in reality, even if we reach those goals, we’re still miserable. (side note: which I realize flies in the face of what PSEL is about).
The book didn’t necessarily teach me anything new, but it did give me a new way to apply what I already knew. As a result, I’m trying to spend more of my greatest commodity — my time — on the things and with the people I actually care about, rather than spreading myself so thin. Additionally, it’s helped me recognize when I’m obsessing over something I have no control over and when it’s appropriate to “care”. I find this especially helpful at work, when working in the office. If the person across the hall is talking to her family on the phone more than she’s working, while it’s certainly not a great practice, in reality it does not affect me and my ability to do my job in any way. Therefore, “no f*cks given”. In general, if another person’s behavior doesn’t directly affect me, my ability to do my job (or in my personal life, if it doesn’t affect my finances and ability to live my life), in the big scheme of things, it doesn’t matter. It’s someone else’s job to supervise my yappy co-worker, not mine.
You can apply this logic to all sorts of things, work related or not. So, in short, the take homes from the book are:
  • Focus on what you can control and that affects you – you have the ability to make those choices;
  • Don’t waste time/energy/money chasing a dream that will make you miserable achieving and then not provide happiness when achieved;
  • Get comfortable with your status/body/etc; you’ll be much happier if you enjoy your “status quo”.
If anyone would like to discuss the book more or have any questions, let me know. If you’re looking for some “light” reading, and you suffer from the same “need to care” (some may say “nosy nature”) that I do, it might be a great resource for you to read. My friend sent me a TED talk that is similar in nature to this book, but by a different author. In doing some research I came to realize that the concepts covered in this book are also presented by others under similar titles.
I’ve recommended this book to oodles of friends after reading it. The concept is simple to understand, and honestly, isn’t anything I didn’t already know, but reading this book renewed my desire to live focused on the things I really do give a f*ck about.

Six Words

Recently while on vacation, I was introduced to a new game called “Six Word Memoirs”. It’s based on the story that once Hemmingway was challenged to write a short story in only six words. The story goes that he responded with something like “Baby shoes for sale, never worn.” The Six Word Memoirs game is a little simpler – players are given several (five?) people, places or things, and are instructed to write down 6 words that they think describe the people, places or things. Then, players are given a short amount of time (1 minute, I think) to say those words to their teammate in an effort to get their teammate to guess the person, place or thing.  I grew up watching $100,000 pyramid, and I love word games, so I bought it the first chance I got and plan to play it as much as my family and friends will tolerate it.

In our last PSEL training we were challenged to write a six word purpose statement for our team. Since I have a small ESP team and a larger Dutton team, I wrote two:

For ESP – deliver quality ESP-related education online

For Dutton – deliver innovative, engaging educational content online

While not perfect, I think these brief purpose statements convey a lot of information in an effective manner.

Once I had the purpose statements for ESP and Dutton crafted, I tried to do the same for my personal 6 words, but didn’t get far – outdoor loving, adventurous, caring, fun seeker. Sounds more like a personal ad than a personal purpose statement. It’s hard to write a personal purpose statement, let alone in 6 words.

Our speaker showed us a video about finding our “Why” and then the “What” will fall into place. I’m not sure I completely understood that little section of his presentation, but I think I get the gist. And I think that once I better define the “why” the purpose statement will be easier to write.

What’s your “why”?

 

Impostor Syndrome

Overall, teaching at a college level is challenging for so many reasons. Yes, there’s strong personalities to deal with and administrative processes that bog things down, but the giant, smelly elephant in the room is that I DON’T KNOW HOW TO TEACH. I may know what I know, but I readily admit, I am not an expert in anything. On top of that, conveying what I do know, requires a whole new set of skills. Determining what to convey, how to convey it, and then how to assess if I’ve conveyed it successfully is all an interesting conundrum for me. I would guess that I’m not alone in my inability to effectively sift through the information and determine what to present to the students.

For me, the lack of knowledge related to teaching pedagogy, partnered with the lack of PhD depth expertise in any particular topic, leads to impostor syndrome: “Impostor syndrome can be defined as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist even in face of information that indicates that the opposite is true. It is experienced internally as chronic self-doubt, and feelings of intellectual fraudulence.” (Caltech Counseling Center, no date)

When I expressed my fear of inadequacy to my Assistant Director recently, she promptly pointed out that Learning Designers are the people that bridge that gap for instructors. Learning Designers specialize in helping instructors determine what to convey, how to convey it and then creating assessments that adequately measure how successful the knowledge was transferred. I was nearly 6 years into teaching online, before I got a true taste of what it means to have a Learning Designer (LD) in my corner.

I have never taught in person, and I’ve only ever delivered courses that were in existence before I came on board. So the idea of creating content is daunting and creates feelings of anxiety that I’ve never encountered before. Not only do I have to put together information that is worth reading but I have to do it in a meaningful, interesting and relateable fashion. I have to write. And then revise. Then write some more. Then revise some more. Putting together each lesson is incredibly time consuming. On top of questioning if I am even qualified to create the lesson, then questioning if I’m conveying the right info, I also question my abilities in conveying it correctly. Is my grammar ok? Is the whole thing crap? What if my commentary comes across as preachy or self-righteous?

Impostor syndrome.

 

https://counseling.caltech.edu/general/InfoandResources/Impostor

Job Shadowing Experience 3

Amy Stever has been on my “advisory board” for a few years now; I really enjoy her energy, perspective on life, and respect her opinions and advice. Amy serves as the Director of Education Strategy and Planning in the College of IST. She’s been with the University 14+ years and in higher education for 27 and has managed to work her way up the ladder without a PhD behind her name. While that isn’t a big deal outside of the University, at Penn State, most often a PhD is required for upper level administration positions, even though the subject area studied may have no relevance to the job itself.

In the past when I was debating pursuing doctoral studies and questioning my path forward at the University, I met with Amy to pick her brain about how she got where she is professionally and why. Amy is very diplomatic, knowledgeable and also radiates a very warm personality — and because we once shared a ride to/from work, I have a very frank relationship with her and we can discuss things openly. When we met a few years back, I expressed that I was feeling a bit lost, with no clear path forward and no real desire to pursue a PhD. I was concerned that my lack of enthusiasm in pursing an advanced degree would stymie my career here at Penn State. And, big picture, I was really struggling with the question that my self, and worldly worth would be less if I didn’t have a career to identify with, or to hang my hat on. One of the things that Amy said that resonated with me is that years ago she decided not to pursue a PhD and build a life around her career. Instead, she had decided to place her values elsewhere, pursuing interests outside of the University to constitute her self and worldly worth or “identity”. She has been very active in her community, serving on the school board, the Rotary and involved in other service based organizations. She has built a resume of service that anyone could be proud of.

Until Amy mentioned the possibility of focusing on using non-work time to establish an “identity” (for lack of a better way to describe it), I hadn’t ever considered that approach as an option. I’m not sure why; my mother was very active in the community and dedicated her life to serving others in so many ways, so it isn’t like I didn’t have an amazing role model in this capacity. Perhaps it’s a value I determined long ago as I ogled over nice cars and expensive homes, or maybe it’s society’s value that I adopted over time: what you do = your identity (or self/worldly worth). Think about it, one of the first questions asked when meeting someone new is “what do you do?” or “where do you work?” In fact, the connection may start when we’re very young, with relatives asking, “what do you want to do when you grow up?” At one time I probably answered cowgirl, bus driver, or doctor, but honestly, I’ve never had a strong calling to a particular field of interest, and therefore, never really identified with any of my jobs per se. I’ve always been envious of those that have known for a long time that they wanted to be doctors, or teachers, or firefighters. Because of my lack of calling, I’ve always struggled with my “identity” and where I fit in. After talking with Amy and discovering her approach, I really started thinking differently about my values and how a career fits into that framework. This is fundamentally different than allowing a job or career determine my values.

More recently, Amy invited me to sit in on the IST statewide meeting for the College. Basically anyone that teaches online for the College of IST was present, either in person or via Zoom. It was great to hear about the challenges faced in a different college and the initiatives that are being implemented. I met some interesting people and was fortunate enough to sit in on a discussion regarding how their college is managing academic integrity issues. All in all, it was a great experience, and I’m glad that I was able to get some face time with the IST folks and hear about another college’s challenges and perspectives.

Amy will continue to be an invaluable resource to me. I have asked her to continue to serve on my board, as I find my way here at the University and beyond.

 

Job Shadowing Experience 2

Ashley Adams, Director of Student Affairs for World Campus, was kind enough to invite me to sit in on her team meeting. There I met a few of her staff that help run the student affairs services at World Campus. I was particularly interested in job shadowing Ashley for a several reasons: her position was brand new when she came on board approximately 2 years ago, so I was curious about the challenges she faced developing the position; and she is one of a very small group of women of color holding leadership roles at Penn State, and potentially the only at World Campus. I wanted to know about her experience as a woman, and particularly a woman of color in a predominately white male dominated arena.

I enjoyed sitting in on the team meeting and learned that there are responsibilities that fall under student affairs that I was not aware of. For instance, student conduct. I had only been thinking about student affairs as operating in the realm of engagement and inclusivity, not student behavior issues. Ashley and her team have been working to pull all relevant teams together to work under the umbrella of student affairs. Right now, it is my understanding that the Student Affairs unit is made up of members from Student Conduct, Care and Concern team, the Mental Health team, and Career Services.

One of the best things I learned from watching Ashley in action was her ability to make everyone at the table feel important. Additionally, she employed a little exercise that I thought was really fun and a great way to get to know her staff on a more personal level. She called it “Pew, pew pew” (you have to say it like a stormtrooper’s gun in Star Wars). Basically, it’s an exercise in which each meeting attendee is engaged by answering a question that she poses. Meeting participants are to respond rapid fire, (hence the name, “pew, pew pew”), without much thought, just the first thing that came to mind. This time, the question was, “When you think of your childhood, what did it smell like?” Think about that for a second – whether she meant to or not, she instantly transported us all back to our childhoods and, inevitably good memories (or at least, hopefully, good memories). So, not only were we all then nostalgic, we were also in a totally different mind set. It changed the tone of the meeting from all business, to more of a calm vibe. As we went around the table I heard stories of first houses, oceans, grandparents and other childhood memories that gave me some insight to the people I was sitting around the table with. I really liked the exercise, and hope to employ it as a leader myself someday!

After everyone left, Ashley and I met individually where I peppered her with questions about her career path and her experiences here at Penn State. She outlined the World Campus strategic objectives and priorities and framed the role of Student Affairs within that strategy. Some of the goals specifically for the Student Affairs unit are still being developed by Ashley and her team, but she did list the following as considerations:

  • Moving student affairs from advocacy to action
  • Expanding Co-curricular partnerships
  • Encouraging student leadership development
  • Advancing scholarship of student affairs

We talked a lot about retention and also the demographics of World Campus students. The number of students of color is low, and the stop out rate for those students is high. This is a real issue and something Ashley feels passionately about addressing.

I asked her about her experiences here at Penn State World Campus and if she had encountered discrimination. She was very positive overall, stating that the support to get her unit up and running was good and that she’s been able to build a few key partnerships that have really helped her accomplish her vision for the unit. Regarding my discrimination question, Ashley provided some examples of microaggressions and challenges that she’s faced as a result of her gender, race, and/or appearance. I can’t say I was surprised, given the historical environment of higher ed, however, I was still disappointed that we aren’t doing better as a University, as a community. I too am guilty of not doing enough, not being a productive advocate. I realized this when in a PSEL training a few weeks back in which we were asked “What do you do to promote/support diversity here at Penn State.” While I do not do anything in active opposition, I can’t honestly say I’ve done anything to support those that look different than me, live a different lifestyle than me, or have different religious beliefs than me. By not doing anything, I am not helping the issue, and perhaps, I may be unknowingly contributing to the lack of diversity problem. This is something I do hope to change in the near future by first participating in the diversity training offered through the University and then by getting involved. More on what that involvement will look like in a later post.

 

Job Shadowing Experience 1

I asked Ann Taylor and Stevie Rocco (Director and Assistant Director, of the Dutton Institute, respectively) both to let me shadow them because, well, I like them. I like their management style, I like their personalities, I like what they’ve done with their lives. I admire these women because they’re relatively young, successfully managing an innovative and essential Institute, and, because they’ve both been with the University for decades, they have connections out the wazoo. I typically only see them in action internally. I wanted to see them moving and shaking outside of the College and Dutton and it makes a ton of sense for me to follow them around and see what I can learn from them.

While I haven’t yet had the opportunity to attend an event with them outside of our cocoon, they did ask if I’d like to accompany them to a meeting regarding space allocation in our building. I attended the meeting and as a result, I learned a lot about how building space is managed at Penn State. Of course, it’s complicated, but the basic idea is that all areas that can be used by anyone (a.k.a. common spaces) are to be managed using a central database. Other spaces are to be utilized a certain percentage of time or they should be opened up as available common space for the times in which they are not being occupied. It’s an interesting system meant to maximize the use of existing spaces vs building new. I think the jury is still out on if the system and the associated guidelines are working, however, it was a good learning experience. I met a few new folks and gained a new appreciation of what it takes to reallocate space here at Penn State.

Stevie then asked me to attend an online E-Learning meeting. It was attended by several (9?) folks across Penn State, all who work in online learning. We all attended using Zoom, which I felt was appropriate, given the crowd. I enjoyed attending the meeting and listening in on discussion regarding artificial intelligence. It was a short meeting, but I did meet some new folks and gained a better understanding of how E-learning is managed across the University by different units.

Interviews and Job Shadowing

As part of the PSEL program, we are expected to find a few opportunities to interview some folks that we’d like to learn more about and  job shadow some people that are in positions that we find interesting. I reached out to the following people:

Amy Stever, Director, Education Strategy and Planning, College of IST

Ashley Adams, Director, Student Affairs, World Campus

Lynn Atanasoff, Career Counselor, World Campus

Mike Zeman, Director, Student Engagement Network

Ann Taylor, Director, John A. Dutton E-Education Institution, College of Earth and Mineral Sciences

Stevie Rocco, Assistant Director, John A. Dutton E-Education Institution, College of Earth and Mineral Sciences

I received positive responses from all of the above, except Mike Zeman whom never responded. To date, I’ve “shadowed” Amy Stever, Ashley Adams, Ann Taylor and Stevie Rocco. I’ll write more about each of these experiences in later posts.

In my requests, I suggested shadowing or an interview. My form email which I slightly modified for each request is below:

Hello Mr./Ms. XXXXX,
I’m reaching out because I am taking part in Penn State’s Emerging Leader program and one of our assignments is to shadow those serving in roles that we’d like to learn more about. I’m very interested in learning more about your position and responsibilities! Would you be willing to allow me to accompany you for a few hours a day this spring? Perhaps I could attend a meeting or two with you, or assist you with an event?
If you’re not comfortable with the shadowing, would you be willing to sit through an interview with me? We would discuss your job, your career path, challenges you’ve faced along the way and any advice you’d be willing to give.
I appreciate your time and attention! I look forward to hearing from you.

Emotional Intellegence

And, here we are again, more assessment/reflection work! We’ve been asked to complete an assessment and then read the book Emotional Intelligence, 2.0 by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves. I have to admit, I avoided this assignment. Mostly because I knew I wasn’t going to do “well”. I’m not great at controlling my emotions. This is something I’ve known about my self for quite some time and it was reflected in a few of the comments I received in my multi-rater feedback. My scores further confirmed the work I need to do:

My scores for the personal competencies –

Self Awareness: 70

“Self-awareness is your ability to accurately percieve your own emotions in the moment and understand your tendencies across situations.” (p. 24)

Self Management: 61

“Self-management is what happens when you act — or do not act.” (p. 32)

Personal Competence: 70

 

My scores for the social competencies –

Social Awareness: 83

“Social awareness is your ability to accurately pick up on emotions in other people and understand what is really going on with them.” (p. 38)

Relationship Management: 75

“Relationship Management is your ability to use your awareness of your own emotions and those of others to manage interactions successfully.” (p. 44)

Social Competence: 79

The book then directs the users to choose on EQ skill to work on. Then we had to identify three strategies to practice.

I chose to work on Self Management first, as I received the lowest score in this section. The three strategies I chose to work on are:

  1. Set aside some time in the day for problem solving. “A 15 minute period each day where you turn off your phone, walk away from your computer, and take time to just think, is a great way to make sure your decisions aren’t muddled by your emotions.” (p. 116)
  2. Take control of self talk.
    1. Turn “I always” or “I never” into “just this time“, or “sometimes“.
    2. Replace judgemental statements like “I’m an idiot” with factual ones like “I made a mistake.
    3. Accept responsibility for your actions and no one else’s.
  3. Breath right & Count to ten (I’ve combined two strategies here because I believe the go hand in hand. Likewise, the sleep on it strategy is the same idea, just on a larger time scale.)

The last strategy is something I’ve been practicing for years, and it has served me well, when I remember to use it.

The strategy of controlling self talk is something that I’ve just recently become aware of. The book mentions that “the average person has about 50,000 thoughts every day.” (p. 117). It wasn’t until I started really paying attention to those thoughts that I realized how not nice I am to myself. A few weeks back I started really tuning in and processing what I my internal voice was saying, and wow, I would never speak to anyone else that way. I’ve begun asking why it’s OK for me to talk to myself that way.

The strategy of setting aside some time is something I love to do, but rarely enforce. Meditation is a great way to spend 15 minutes a day, but I often don’t think to do it until I’m in bed and any meditation will inevitably end in snoring. Walking our foster dogs is something that I enjoy, but I only walk the neighborhood once a week or so when we aren’t housing a dog (approaching our 2 year, dog-free mark).  Bottom line is, I need to find more opportunities to practice implementing time to think.

Self Reflection: Summary

Gosh, enough about self reflection already, right?! It’s been a long process and not always easy to take at times, but it really is starting to come together for me. The things that have come to the surface through this process aren’t all that surprising, but perhaps hadn’t been all that obvious either. A more notable example, is my growing desire to travel and see the United States. Not at all career related, I know, but as I answered questions about my peak life experiences in the past and ones I’m hopeful for in the future, I realized my heart and drive aren’t career-oriented at this time. Probably not at all the expected outcome of this process!

While, I’ve known that my strengths and career aspirations point more towards the Administrative side of higher ed, as I worked through the self reflection process, it became increasingly clear that pursuing a career path on the administrative side of things at Penn State will have to be put on hold in order to fulfill my dream of traveling extensively around our country. The position I have now affords the flexibility and the freedom to do just that. I’m an online instructor and adviser. I can instruct and advise from anywhere I have internet. Nowadays there aren’t many places that don’t have internet. Alternatively, finding a more advanced administrative-focused role that will permit me to work for the University while not physically located on campus are nearly nil at this time.

Self Reflection: Reflected Best Self

For me, the Reflected Best Self exercise was by far the hardest and also the most informative self reflection assignment to date. It was difficult because we were asked to identify 20 people to email and ask them to respond directly to us answering the following:

One of your greatest strengths is… For example, I think of the time that…

What I value most in my relationships is… For example, I think of the time that…

One thing that I think is unique about you (in a good way) is… For example, I think of that…

So basically I had to email friends, family, co-workers and ask them to say nice things about me. I was nervous that no one would respond. But, of course, I have amazing friends and coworkers, and I had 13 respondents of the 20 invited.

Ultimately, I could not be more glad that I was forced to do this. It turns out that it was a really fun exercise. I loved reliving the moments that my friends thought I was at my best! I, of course, cried tears of joy while reading each and every email as it came in.  In reading the responses, I got to take a trip down memory lane with some of my favorite people as a guide. One friend reminded me of an amazing hike in Joshua Tree where we got a little lost and saw a great horned owl, and one friend reminded me of a time when we were a bit lost in Cusco, Peru (hmmmm…I’m sensing a theme here…) Several friends talked about less fond memories, particularly about my Mother’s and my Mother in Law’s illness and death. While those memories are always hard to revisit, it was living through those tortuous challenges that I, and apparently others recognized my ability to be strong in the face of adversity. Two examples that were stated repetitively in all three categories, included my completion of a the John Muir Trail last summer and my service as a dog foster.

I attempted to group all the comments into a few core common themes:

  • Caring & Supportive of others
  • Strength/Determination/Self discipline
  • Positive attitude
  • Open minded
  • Adventurous/Try new things/Tackle new challenges
  • Unique personality

The PSEL program instructions suggest that we write a story with the information the respondents provided. I was uncomfortable with that, so I got permission to do a word cloud with the information instead. I found a free word cloud program, and then entered the phrases from each response and this tree shaped word cloud is the result.

While there’s nothing earth shattering in any of this information, it’s great to have a better understanding of others’ perceptions. I’ll elaborate more on this entire Self Reflection process in my next blog post.