I think I understand to a degree the importance of learning etiquette in order to propel our careers forward and ensure we take advantage of every opportunity. In the societal system we live in, knowing how to eat salad correctly and order promptly can play a factor in the job we do or do not get. In this economy especially, it makes sense we all want to put our “best foot forward” and leave the best first impression possible. I am also a supporter of making others feel respected and comfortable, and I agree, to a point, that maintaining manners does that.
However, a part of me feels like we are blindly giving into a system layered in historically unjust power dynamics. Before I continue, let me establish that I am writing this post not as a complete hate on etiquette, but as a challenge to perhaps spark a conversation that did not seem present at the etiquette dinner. We focused on the importance of learning these etiquette rules, but I believe when learning these things, we need to have a conversation about the other side, on where exactly these etiquette rules came from and who is getting the most advantage out of knowing them.
Throughout the dinner, the instructor of etiquette emphasized that these rules were founded from tradition.
So where exactly did these traditional ideas of what is acceptable,. and what is considered proper come from? Who made these rules and why do we still feel the need to follow them?
According to Think Quest,
“Much of today’s formal etiquette originated in the French royal court during the 1600-1700’s. The nobles who lived at court did not work, and so they developed elaborate social customs mostly to avoid becoming bored. The nobles drew up a list of proper social behavior and called it an etiquette. This word came from an old French word meaning ticket. This code of behavior soon spread to other European courts and eventually was adopted by the upper classes throughout the Western world.” (http://library.thinkquest.org/2993/history.htm)
After reading this, more questions on etiquette unfolded in my head. One being, do I really want to mimic the French nobles?
On a serious note though, who is at an advantage by knowing these french etiquette rules? Who is ensuring that we teach the next generation what is right? To what extent, is etiquette a systematic example of white privilege?
To me it doesn’t seem entirely fair with a country as culturally diverse as the United States to pressure the entire professional sector to adapt a singular set of etiquette. One could make the argument (and one may be making the argument right now) that enforcing etiquette is enforcing people to adapt a culture other than their own. Perhaps we don’t question this because a majority of us learning this are of european descent and this is our “normal” culture.
But if instead of French table manner culture, I tried to pressure every one of my interviewees to adapt to a Native American culture at the lunch table, I think people would be resistant and I would receive a lot of criticism. This is not because Native American do not have tradition in the United States, but this is because they have not had the majority power for over 300 years. When the etiquette educator emphasized that that etiquette was built on tradition, I would challenge that this etiquette was built on power. To clarify historically because europeans have had power, it seems their culture has been accepted as the social norm.
What do you guys think?
On a separate but related note, I wonder how does prioritizing tradition may inhibit innovation. What if I invented a new utensil or a new way to hold a fork?
Throughout the dinner, it seemed that we were emphasizing and focusing on the fact that there are judgmental people out there that we should conform to. We discussed how we must follow these rules to get ahead. In general when talking about etiquette this seems harmless. However, if we are going to take that same philosophy and apply to all leadership, it scares me. It limits creativity. How much progress has come by following orders and maintaining tradition?
Overall, I want to talk about how there is a very touchy fine balance to when we should follow the rules and press boundaries or challenge tradition. When a job is on the line and the difference is cutting your chicken into smaller bites, I understand why people are not willing to challenge the rules too much, but overall I just wanted to open up this conversation and make sure we continue to critically question.
