The Freshman 15.. or 20..

I’ve never been a particularly healthy eater; I’m Italian and love anything carb-related and also am convinced that my stomach is a black hole. I can consume more than most 200 pound men with little difficulty.  You may think I’m exaggerating but unfortunately, I am unstoppable (especially in the presence of pizza.)  And that’s what college is about right?  The ramen noodles when you run out of meal points, the late-night study snacks, the even later-night drunk food.. wrong.  While I am a firm believer that weight is just a number and is not the end-all-be all determinant of your health, eating junk in excess will catch up to you even if you’ve eaten like that all your life.  It may not be evidence in weight gain, but it will make you feel sluggish and probably less motivated to study, contrary to the notion that ordering a pizza is the only thing that you get you through a 3am cram.

It’s not about cutting junk from your life; that would be totally unreasonable and consuming.  It’s about finding alternatives and keeping things in perspective; that bowl of ice cream after dinner really will not make a difference in your night.  But if you’ve just had a really difficult week and you want to treat yourself; by all means go for it.

Though I love food and will eat for just about any occasion or feeling (people call themselves stress eaters; I am a happy, sad, ambivalent, mad, anxious, tired, stressed, eater) I have learned, after quite some time, the difference between real hunger and emotional eating (which is not to say I have cut out my emotional eating; now I can just recognize it as such.. what an accomplishment).

And it is so hard!  The endless availability of junk is so tempting, I mean have you tasted a West cookie?  And that’s the  bane of habit-forming; it seems absolutely impossible to change but more importantly maintain them.  But research shows that changing habits of health takes only about two weeks to comfortably envelop the new habit.  That is not to say those two weeks won’t painstaking at points, but when all said and done, that is a really short period of time.  Think back to two weeks ago; it seems like yesterday to me, which is another issue in and of itself for another blog.

I think that people are far too concerned with solely weight; we are all maturing and therefore we probably are not going to weigh exactly what we did in high school, even with a healthy lifestyle, and that is perfectly ok.  But we are also all really busy people, and want to perform as efficiently as we can.  And diet and moderate exercise plays such a huge part in that, even though we don’t always recognize this.  I even notice how much more sluggish I feel walking from class to class when I decide to have buffalo chicken pizza for lunch instead of a salad and some soup.  It really is about little changes; having a glass of water before a meal decreases your appetite, and having a side salad is a great way to get nutrients and feel more satisfied.  Apples have a natural source of caffeine so you don’t need to chug a liter of coffee to get through the day (I tried this one THON weekend, and as someone who averages one to two cups per day, I can attest that an apple a day does more than keep the doctor away.)  And soon, your cravings for junk food will wane, and the healthier foods will actually be appealing.  College is about taking initiative for your own well-being; and your health is absolutely a part of this.  So let’s all stop focusing on gaining the Freshman 15 and instead on developing mature lifestyle habits.

Your Roommate Will Be Your Best Friend

 

The freshman rooming situation is a very scary prospect, especially at a school the size of Penn State, where a random roommate assignment is like walking through unchartered territory with a blindfold on.  You really can get any personality type, sleeping pattern, cleanliness level, partying habit concoction of a person that can make living comfortably with another person a challenge.  So we figure, if we are going to be sharing the restricted space of a dorm room, wouldn’t it be make life a lot easier if we were best friends?   It would solve all of the potential difficulties that arise when it smells like there is something decaying on your roommate’s half of the room, or when you need to go to bed for that large exam the next day, but she needs to watch four more episodes of Gossip Girl on the TV.

So we start our ruthless Facebook stalking and connecting with other “Class of 2017’ers”, a process that I am convinced is worse than online dating (though I can’t affirm that unfortunately), and attempt to make conclusions on whether you have found your new best friend based on some profile pictures and the fact that you both liked the Forrest Gump Facebook page several years ago.  Some of us chose our roommates and some of us took the plunge and went random.  And the funny part is, the likelihood that you actually become best friends is probably close to equal for both outcomes.  Because in reality, it is impossible to predict the friendship or relationship that will develop between two people; there are simply too many variables that play into it.  And regardless of whether or not you are good friends with your roommate, living with another person in a new environment will inevitably present challenges.

It is better to go into the situation with the expectation that you will be civil and develop a nice living relationship, and see where it goes from there.  Adaptability and accommodation are key when it comes to living situations.  And though I would not wish some of the nightmarish rooming stories that I have heard on anyone, I do think that learning to live with someone unlike you is an undervalued skill that college can instill in students.  It teaches you to be adaptable, and to take things in stride, as well as keep things in perspective.   Because if the largest concern for your day is that your roommate has some clothes lying on the floor, your day is pretty good.  I guess what I’m trying to say is that if your roommate ends up being your closest friend, that is awesome and you are lucky.   And if he or she doesn’t, that’s ok too.

You Will Have No Free Time

Though I liked to keep myself busy in high school, I definitely did appreciate my free time to watch the Kardashians, even if abashedly so, and do other mindless activities that let me unwind after a hectic day.  I was involved in a lot of activities and found that the busier that I kept myself, the more successful I was because I was forced to budget time effectively and plan ahead (a skillset that I will probably always be working on in all honesty.)  But, I still always had time to do things that weren’t inherently related to academics or strictly outlined “extracurricular activities” (I don’t know where you would appropriately classify vegging out.)

 

I knew that my high school had prepared me well for a college course load, as well as you can prepare for the increase in rigor, but I was still very concerned that I would be unable to manage my course load or overextend myself with extracurricular activities, or both.  This concern was compiled with the fact that a transitioning period would be inevitable, in which I may get distracted with homesickness at points, and not be functioning at a normal level of productivity.  And while I can attest that the transition phase does hinder efficiency because getting into a routine takes time, I have found that time management and prioritizing, and a lack of sleep every once in a while, will allow you enough time to do things that you simply enjoy, even if that be an episode of the Real Housewives here and there.

 

It definitely took me a while to understand this.  While I didn’t spend every waking minute cooped up in the library, I would spend far too much time dilly-dallying or worrying about doing assignments rather than actually chipping away at them, little by little.  I think I will always be a procrastinator by nature, but I can definitely attest in the value of planning after a semester of college-level academics.  It will save you a ton of time in the long run and probably a lot of hair that you won’t rip out of your head in the stress of the time-crunch.  And placing value in time to de-stress from the chaos of life will allow you to a) remain sane and b) appreciate the short time that we have here.  Without it, things can turn into a blur and we can lose sight of our appreciation for the unique experience that college provides.  So go ahead, if one episode of Dexter is calling your name, watch it, then get back to the books J.

Greek Life

I don’t want to discuss the condescending GDI that bashes anything Greek barring that of Aristotle and Plato, or the fervent sorority girl that proudly sports her letters on anything, and I mean anything, that can be embroidered.  We all know that both extremes exist on campus.  But what I want to discuss instead is the pressure that a lot of freshman feel to join Greek Life as an ultimatum for finding friends, or the alternative pressure to not become involved because they are afraid of being judged. The pressure is not external, it is often self-driven.  At a school the size of Penn State, I can sincerely say that you can “do you.”

I didn’t rush because I knew that there were a lot of things that I wanted to get involved in on campus and didn’t think that I could commit the time to joining a sorority.  And while my decision sometimes made it easy for me to make snarky remarks about the “sratty and fratty” culture, I eventually realized that the Greek stereotypes are stereotypes like the rest.  Two of my closest friends are involved in greek life, and they are both still the same people, with the same personalities, quirks and values.

It was also very easy for me to question my decision to not rush in the beginning when I was still forming groups of friends.  It is a clear-cut way to socialize and meet others who are similar to you.  In retrospect, I am happy with my decision but I am equally as happy to see that the process has been really rewarding for so many people that I know.   I think that one of the reasons that Greek Life fosters a negative connotation is because some people place sole priority in their position in their respective sorority or fraternity.  Greek life is an activity like anything else, and while it may be more time-consuming than an intramural sports team, it still shouldn’t take precedence over everything else in a person’s college experience; I’ve come to see that for most people it doesn’t, it just enhances their four years.

Finding and maintaining a balance between everything that occurs in our chaotic lives is crucial and will lead us to the most fulfilling and successful experience at the end of it all.  Many frown upon Greek life because some don’t join for the right reasons, to find a group of friends that they can really connect with, but instead to gain status symbols based on the tiering system.  But if the intentions are true, I see absolutely nothing wrong with Greek Life.  At a school like Penn State, the opportunity is more than available for you to join Greek Life if you want to.  And the opportunity is also more than available for you to do other things.  So do what you really want to do because we’re only here for four years (or so..) and that, as I’m sure we can all attest to, goes much quicker than anyone can ever forewarn you of.

Your Major

Freshman convocation was pretty boring but I distinctly recall being really overwhelmed when we were required to stand based on our respective colleges.  President Erickson called for the College of Engineering, and a tidal wave of eager and smirking freshman rose in the BJC.  It felt as if a negligible minority were left hunched beneath a riot of promising science majors.  It went this way for the rest of the colleges to the point that I felt ashamed to stand for the Division of Undergraduate Studies.  And every time I met someone new, my face would noticeably redden when they asked me my major, and I would shyly respond, “I’m currently undecided.”  To which they would respond in standardized political correctness, “It’s alright, you have SO much time.”

While I disagree that we have so much time to figure things out (I can’t believe that we have fewer than 10 weeks of freshman year.. I prefer to not think about it..) I have learned that there is absolutely no shame in purposeful exploration, not to be confused with floundering around.  I desperately wish that I were one of those students that have had aspirations of being a epidemiologist or anthropologist since age 7, but unfortunately my career aspirations have spanned that of an architect (until geometry kicked my ass in 8th grade), to a political lobbyist, to an English teacher.  And while this process of exploration makes me uncharacteristically anxious, it has also made me grow a lot and has broadened my understanding of the inconceivable number of paths that I can take in both my academic study and career path afterward.  I am nowhere near the end of my path, but I have started to find comfort in that.

The same goes for the freshman that were set on majoring in something that turns out to be unbearably dull or irrelevant to the field of study they thought they were entering.  I can imagine that would be extremely disheartening, but so many of us experience it; it is so difficult to understand the complexities of a major even once you have entered it.  But if we can all just breathe and realize that over 50% of college freshman do not graduate in the major that they entered, we will all be ok.  Exploration is a part of the process, even for those who know exactly what they would like to do.  Without it, we may become shortsighted to the wide array of studies that are available at the university level.  So go ahead and take the art philosophy class that sounds intriguing even if simultaneously intimidating.  You never know how it could change you.

Binge Drinking Doesn’t Need to Be a Part of Social Life

If you Google search “college”, odds are the main pictures will be of students huddled around a beer pong table or dancing in a frat house.  While many see partying as part of the quintessential experience in college, many also misconstrue this with binge drinking; a very serious drinking practice that doesn’t garner enough attention or the right type of attention.  College is a time of newfound freedom that is often abused in the beginning stages because it is such an overt change; no more curfew, no questioning as you leave your dorm room, no check-in’s while you are out.  The proverbial leash is snapped the minute students get to college; there is simply no physical means of enforcing discipline and behavior standards when you and your parents no longer live in the same household.  While the independence is powerful, it gets so many of us into serious predicaments that we entered with fairly innocent intentions.

As a result, many of us come to college and think we have to drink excessively in order to have fun, or to be accepted by other college students.  While the peer pressure definitely exists especially when it comes to “keeping up” with others, I have found that people are generally unconcerned about your drinking habits; for the better and the worse.  This is a positive began it relieves some of the overt peer pressure to drink in excess, but at the polar end, can be very dangerous because they are also often unconcerned when someone has gotten dangerously drunk.  When I came to school I sincerely didn’t know what to expect; I had assumed that the stereotypes about college night-life had to be hyperbolized, as most stereotypes are.

I have come to the conclusion that the culture of binge drinking, of drinking to forget about the stress of the week, definitely exists.  But I have also found that most students are safe, social drinkers, not looking to drink to forget or needing to drink in any social situation.  I have realized that you can drink to absolutely any level that you’re comfortable with; be that none at all or to a dangerous degree.  And the preaching from my parents really does reign true; it is all about who you associate yourself with.  Penn State is a huge community of students with an entire scale of values; once you can dictate where yours lie, you can find others who share these views.  It is your prerogative at a school this size; you really can “do you”.  And everything becomes infinitely simpler once you realize this

Your and Your Friends Need to Share the Same Interests

In high school, I had a very tight-knit group of friends that were all deeply involved in choir.  We most definitely furthered every stereotype abounded to theatrical, obnoxious singers who compulsively use jazz hands.  Our love for music and the vulnerability needed to create a cohesive, unified voice bonded us in ways that no other activity can.  Though we were an eccentric group of dispositions, we also were involved in similar activities outside of choir; most of my friends were high-achieving students taking the same AP classes and doing similar volunteer projects and all playing a sport or some sort of other activity that solidified us as “well-rounded students”.  And while this was very beneficial in high school, and I gained an appreciation for many different fields of study, college operates very differently.

 

High school is essentially an extended general education forum; you delve into all areas of course study and gain at least a basic comprehension of the cannons of academia.  Also, the opportunities to get involved in things are not nearly as wide as they are in college, especially at a school the size of Penn State.  Anyway, my friends cultivated our friendships by becoming involved in similar activities, and resultantly becoming very similar on paper.  While this worked in high school, college is very different in that it is a forum to pursue individual interests, wide though they may be.  My friends and I initially made the mistake of attempting to attend every club orientation that any of us were interested in together; even if the biomedical engineering major of the group had absolutely no interest in Kalliope, Penn State’s Literary Arts Magazine (not to stereotype engineers in any way).  I’m not sure what we were thinking would result from this; I guess we may have gained appreciations for things that we had no consciousness of before entering college.

 

Though in reality, we were really just wasting time and missing opportunities to get involved in activities we were legitimately interested in.  We were also missing out on time that we could have spent getting to know other people, instead choosing to huddle in a comfortable circle of people that we had already gotten to know sufficiently well.  Eventually, we started to go our separate ways extracurricularly; two of my closest friends joined sororities, three others joined THON Special Interest Organizations, another became involved in the Student Programming Association and several of us joined different THON committees.

 

And while I was apprehensive that the sheer time-consumption of different activities would slowly tear us apart, the different activities and interests that they fostered actually strengthened the dynamics of our friendships; I have learned so much about many different Penn State cultures; I can now recite the Greek alphabet without hesitation, and have gleaned many other pieces of quirky knowledge from my friend’s involvements.  But it goes beyond my beginning to understand the seemingly endless activities and cultures that comprise Penn State; I appreciate our differences in interests because they truly make me a more well-rounded person.  I have learned now that a piece of paper cannot confirm how well-rounded a student is; rather the experiences that he or she has and has embraced.  It is great to make friends that are involved in the same activities as you are; but college provides the forum for you to create lasting friendships with those that are polar opposite to you as well.  And that is invaluable.

While you may live in your dorm room, there is no  mandate that requires that I spend every waking moment outside of class and clubs tucked neatly in bed or “studying” at my desk.  I learned this the hard way; when I legitimately started to feel the effects of clausterphobia in my room, like the walls were collapsing in on me because I had encapsulated myself in there.

Growing up, I spent little to no time in my room.  It served the sole purpose of providing me a place to sleep at night (though I honestly preferred the sectional in my family room.  I wouldn’t complain if my parents decided to convert my room to office space or something.)  So I have never had a sentimental attachment to my room; the concept of making a room feel “homey” was one that I just couldn’t grasp; trips to stores like IKEA and Bed Bath and Beyond just didn’t excite me no matter how unique that fuzzy rug and patterned futon were, or how exciting my mom perceived them to be.

I distinctly remember a point in which my mom cornered me in Marshall’s clutching two different throws for my dorm room bed; imploring me to make a choice.  That is not an exaggeration, unfortunately.  The details about my dorm room “ambiance” just didn’t interest me because I figured I would be spending little to no time in there like I had previously done.  And I by no means want to generalize in saying that people who spend a lot of times in their room are introverted or strange; I am probably the oddball in that I have no real attachment to my room.  But when I first came to school, I found myself retreating to my room as a matter of necessity; I felt like I had no other option, no other place that I belonged.  I was too uncomfortable to venture somewhere new on my own, so when I had spare time I would just go back to my dorm room and do a lot of sitting around.  I was never particularly productive in my room; my bed is just too comfortable to focus on anything other than Netflix for more than fifteen minutes.

But barring the lack of anything remotely academic that I achieved in my room, after being in there for an extended period of time, I started to feel really lonely.  Even though the thought of going back to my room was never appealing, I resorted to being a hermit because I thought I didn’t have any other option; if I didn’t have someone else to accompany me to a new location, I wouldn’t go.

Eventually, I got really sick of this and decided to start taking baby steps (I’m talking venturing to the study lounge that is directly outside of my hall in my dorm, baby steps).  Soon I started to interact with people who frequented the study lounge, endearingly known as “the zombie lounge” and started to form a little community of study- buddies so to say.  It made studying a lot more enjoyable, and though it is an inherently singular activity, I didn’t feel alone.  Soon, I started to venture to other places on campus, to study, or even just to relax.  Penn State is huge and one of the perks of that is there are so many new places to discover and make a niche out of; there is so much variety.  That variety can be incredibly overwhelming at first, but I’ve really come to love it because campus is never dull; and when I became open to exploring I really started to feel like a member of the campus rather than a tourist  equipped with a fanny pack and bermuda shorts.

I came and had the misconception that as a freshman, I was restricted to the dorm and dining hall for my day- to- day activities.  But embracing all that the campus has to offer has made even my studying experiences exponentially more exciting, if that’s possible.  I still have a much greater attachment to my dorm room than my room at home, but it’s no longer a crutch for a previous fear of embracing new surroundings.

Making Friends: “Time Brings All Good Things”

My group of friends in high school was extremely tight-knight; the type of kids who had been, for the most part, friends since the awkward middle school years.  I guess if your friends can support you through the trials of middle school social hierarchy, from the aristocracy of girls who had developed quickly and never needed braces (definitely not me) to those who were still quite comfortable in their Children’s Place patterned twin sets and not yet ready to embrace the like’s of Aeropostale and Abercrombie (that sounds more like it), your friendships can only be strengthened after that.

So I can’t tell you why I was under the impression that I would step foot onto campus, introduce myself to a few people at orientation and on my floor, and within a week, have the best friends of my life: the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants type.  But I did, and though I had met a lot of really incredible people within the first couple of weeks, I kept panicking as an internal clock continued to strike during and after every social interaction, urging that I needed to find friends and find them quickly.

This would stress me out immensely, discourage me, and most detrimentally, make me dwell on sentimental high school memories.  I started to hermit myself against the prospect of creating meaningful friendships.  I’m not saying there is anything wrong with nostalgia; I was lucky enough to have had a great high school experience with true friends and it’s great to appreciate those memories for what they were.

But this is where nostalgia gets tricky.  It’s so easy to glorify our memories and sensationalize them into unattainable moments; our brains physically rewrite memories every time we think about them, based on the context in which they were remembered and analyzed.  Anyway, for a while I went through an incredibly dramatic bout of self-pity in which I almost convinced myself that I wouldn’t find the quality of friends in college that I did in high school.  And I hated to be the person that was dwelling on high school, because they are frustrating, but regardless, I still did.

Gwendolyn Brooks said in one of her most noted poems, “One Wants a Teller in a Time Like This” to, “Be patient, time brings all good things- (and cool
Strong balm to calm the burning at the brain?)”  While patience is unfortunately not one of my strong suits, I’ve gained such an appreciation for it when it comes to matters such as friendship.  Getting to know people is awkward, and honestly can be painful at times.  After about a two weeks of small talk and repeated discussions on why Pittsburgh is very clearly  superior to Philadelphia, what I intended to major in, and if I knew said person’s third cousin’s best friend’s step-sister who also happens to live in Pittsburgh, I had a small tolerance for small talk.

But I soon realized that the getting to know people is a very finicky process, one that truly only develops with time and common realization and experiences.  Once I let myself relax and let people in, I found that developing meaningful relationships took on a natural course; conversations quit feeling forced, and I began to feel at home with the group of friends I had developed.  There is no actuarial science to making friends, no set of indisputable laws stating a distinct time frame in which you must make irreversible bonds with others once you come to college.

I eventually understood this; that the only thing you can do is be comfortable with yourself and be open to meeting new, different people and being vulnerable around them.  I saw how important having the confidence that if I am being true to myself, things will fall into place, was.  The uncertainty has the potential to drive even the prototypal type-B personalities crazy, but I think it’s really important as a means of widening my understanding of people as a whole.  For, if I had a direct path towards creating friends, I would miss out on so many random occurrences in which I have met really dynamic people.  Embracing this uncertainty as a unique opportunity, after deep reluctance, has helped me immeasurably.  Penn State is such an incredibly diverse community, united under “Kool-Aid” pride for our blue and white.  There is so much power in this, so many opportunities to extend myself to others and to learn so much from them.  Patience really is a virtue, and uncomfortable experiences really have made me grow, and to finish off the cliché, that’s what college is all about.

Staying Grounded to My Family

 

I come from a very Italian family complete with the very stereotypical over-bearing Italian dad.  My household was really strict during my high school years, or what I viewed to be very strict anyway (teenage angst definitely hyperbolized the prison cell that I often envisioned my house to be).  So, for a large portion of my high school career, I couldn’t wait to be free from my parent’s rule and experience the freedom of college that everyone raves about.  I naively thought that my parents would drop me off on move-in day and that would be that.  When people would tell me to call my parents a lot, I would nod my head and smirk; I planned on staying in better contact with my dog than with my parents.  I intended to call them every once in a while when my LionCash was depleted or if I felt uncomfortable walking between classes by myself.  And yes, I know how incredibly bratty this sounds.

For a while, I adhered to this philosophy and the thrill of having curfew-less days and interrogation-less conversations about whom I was hanging out with and what we were intending to do was great.  And I will admit that the freedom was nice.  But the issue was that I was perceiving the lack of communication as a sign of independence and more importantly maturity.  Soon, I sincerely started to miss my parents; even the overbearing nagging about why I hadn’t cleaned my room for the past two weeks, or who, what, where, when, and why I was going to almost any location barring that of school (ok that’s an exaggeration meant for narrative purposes, but you get the gist.)

And directly after that, when the summer-camp-excitement of college had worn off and my surroundings began to feel more permanent, classes progressed quickly, and decisions regarding just about everything became exponentially more complex, I realized that my parents were right: I don’t know everything and can’t get through on my own.  This realization wasn’t defeating for me; I had been fending well on my own for a bit but knew that checking in with the rents several times a week wasn’t a sign of dependency, but rather a sign of maturity.  The acknowledgement that we all need support and the acceptance of help and advice from those wiser than we are is one of the most important skills that we can obtain.  I’m often too proud to look for the help, and in the beginning of the year, didn’t want to admit any struggles that I was facing, especially to my habitually-worrying parents.

I distinctly remember the first time I called my dad.  It was a football Saturday and I was in extremely high spirits.  When he picked up the phone, his voice was giddy in a way that it only gets when he is watching a home improvement show or at the hardware store.  We had a very normal conversation about the game and the weather and other little things, but I remember thinking how nice it was to hear his voice and his odd sayings.  Later, my mom told me that he had told just about every person that he ran into within the next couple of days about our truly average conversation; it made me realize how impactful such a small gesture could be.  Since then, I make a concerted effort to call my parents throughout the week and I know it has helped me immensely.

Reassurance and support from those who love you will undoubtedly allow you to keep perspective and will stabilize you.  The Giving Tree is still one of my favorite books and I think it especially resonates with me now.  I know my parents will support me, though I will make very crucial mistakes.  But more importantly, I now know to no longer take that for granted and appreciate the ability to have a strong grounding in my family.  So go ahead, call your mom or dad when they aren’t expecting it; it will make both of your days a little warmer.