Category Archives: Life lessons

We Don’t Talk About Money

We don’t talk about money.  And that kind of makes sense.  Money is one of those things that you don’t want to boast about if you have it, and you don’t want others to suspect if you don’t have it.  There’s a cultural stigma attached to talking about money. It can bring up negative emotions.  Those who have more money seem to come out on top in power dynamics.  Those who have less money can be looked down upon.  And rather than inflict that into our everyday lives, we just don’t talk about it.

Unfortunately, money isn’t a topic that can just be avoided in life.  Having money is a necessity to survive.  You have to learn about how to manage it.  How to earn it.  How to save it. How to spend it wisely. How to insure against losing it.  Perhaps things have changed since I was a kid, but this is not information I was taught in school.

My parents were always very secretive about how much money they made.  I guess they thought that would give me some sort of protection against societal stratification at school.  It really didn’t….but the thought was nice.

Luckily my parents did actually teach me some things about money.  They taught me about how loans work when I borrowed some of the money I needed to add a tiny black and white television to my bedroom.  They taught me about budgeting by giving me an allowance.  They taught me about saving by setting up a savings account for me and encouraging me to add to it regularly.  When I started my first minimum wage job at the local grocery store, they taught me how to use a checking account (and how to write a check, which is quickly becoming a lost art).  When I started my first full time job, my father taught me the importance of contributing to the retirement account (at least enough to get the employer match) right away.  And I’m sure there were many more examples over the years.

I count myself as lucky that my parents were able to teach me a bit about money.  I count myself as very lucky that I was intrigued enough by the topic to become a lifelong student and teacher of personal finance.  There is always more to learn.  But we don’t talk about money. I honestly believe that if talking about money were less taboo, more people would have a better understanding of personal finance and would become better managers of their own money.  Unfortunately, that isn’t the world we live in.

We don’t talk about money.

Opportunity Costs at Every Turn

As we settle into exam time for most of my readers, now is a great time to think about opportunity costs.  Every time you make a choice, the thing you choose costs you something, and the thing you didn’t choose costs you something.  For example, if your friends want you to go blow off steam, but you decide you need to stay home and work on a paper, then the cost of staying home is that you won’t get to have fun with your friends.  The cost if you chose to go out would be the lost time working on the paper.  Every single choice you make comes with this kind of a trade-off, or opportunity cost.

Here are some of the opportunity costs you may be facing during this stressful time of the semester:

  • Studying versus socializing
  • Sleep versus study time
  • Studying versus working
  • Studying versus extracurricular activities
  • Healthy meals versus easier take-out food

As you stare down the barrel of these choices, prioritization is the key to making sure you are making the right decision.  What is the right choice for your physical health?  For your mental health?  For your financial health?  For your academic health?  And which of these is the highest priority for you?  Everything must take at least some sacrifice in order to find the right balance for your needs.  Nobody can give everything 100%.  You only have a total of 100% to give, and that has to include self-care.

It’s a truly difficult time of year for students.  You won’t be able to do everything you would like.  But with skillful prioritization, you’ll be able to make everything work.

Give Thanks–and Be Rich

Thanksgiving is upon us.  And I like to celebrate that each year by recounting the many things I have to be thankful for.

This has been a particularly difficult year for my family.  My father passed away in March after a long illness, my siblings and I moved my mother into an assisted living facility, and then we emptied and sold the family home of 56 years.  And throughout all of this, I was dealing with a significant injury to my left knee.  It was a lot.  Really a lot.  And you might wonder why I would have anything to be thankful for at all.  But I honestly do.

I lost my dad this year, but I’m so grateful that his sharp mind is no longer trapped in a body that was failing. And I’m thankful that he was able to share his wisdom with me for many years, and those lessons will move forward with me throughout the rest of my life.

My mom is no longer able to live on her own, but she is still able to have at least some semblance of independence in her assisted living facility.  I’m grateful that she was willing to make that move, and I’m so thankful that she is receiving excellent care.  And as a bonus, she is near me now, so I can visit her nearly every day.

It was bittersweet to empty and sell the home I grew up in.  It was a lot of exhausting work.  And it was heart-wrenching to part with the physical location of so many memories.  But I’m grateful that a new family will now be able to build memories in the home I loved so much.  And I have to say I’m more than a little thankful that I no longer have to worry about the maintenance of a house 100 miles away from my current home.

My knee injury was painful, and frustrating, and brought a sudden halt to any plans I had made to focus on physical activity this year.  I had to deal with crutches, and physical therapy, and ultimately with surgery, and then a cane.  But I’m grateful that I was able, over time, to get my knee to the point where it is almost normal again.  I may not be running any marathons, but I’m confident that I’ll be able to resume more rigorous activity after the new year.  It could have been so much worse.  It could have stopped me from being able to take on the tasks that were needed around the situations with my parents.  I’m very thankful that my knee didn’t stop me from being where I needed to be.

These were only a few of the countless obstacles I faced this year (2023 has definitely not been a favorite).  And each one of them taught me a lot about being appreciative of what I have.  I have a roof over my head.  I have enough money to buy food.  I have solid transportation.  I have a husband to share my adventures with.  I have two cats who love me unconditionally.  I have a career that provides me with the most incredible intrinsic rewards.  If you were to look at my bank account balance, you would never describe me as rich.  But a wise friend once told me that there are two ways to be rich.  One is to have everything you want.  The other is to want everything you have.  And by that standard I am very rich.

Be thankful.

Give Yourself a Little Grace

We’ve reached that point in the semester when everyone is exhausted and overwhelmed.  The stretch from Labor Day to Thanksgiving break seems eternal.  The will to do what is required isn’t as strong as it needs to be.  This happens every year at this time.  And it’s not just a student sentiment.  The faculty and staff are right there too.

You may think I’m about to head into a “you can do this” pep talk.  But I’m not.  Today I want to focus on how it’s ok to give yourself a little grace.  On Sunday when I got back from a four day training conference, my email was a little out of control.  I thought about logging in and trying to clear out the jam Sunday night.  But I gave myself a little grace.  I let the email sit until Monday.  And because of that I did not get my weekly email out on Monday like I normally do.  But it’s email and the Moneywise Tip.  Nobody is going to die if these things are delayed by 24 hours.  And giving myself that concession was a better choice for my mental health.

I’m not saying that you should skip classes and turn in assignments late.  I am saying that sometimes things you are working on won’t be quite up to your standards.  Sometimes you may have to say no to something you would prefer to take on.  Sometimes you will have to pass on a social event.  Sometimes you may substitute a convenience option from the supermarket rather than making something from scratch.  Corners may be cut.  And it’s ok to give yourself a little grace.  Nobody is perfect.  Nobody has infinite time.  Everyone is tired.

Life can be overwhelming.  Especially when you are in law school, and you see exams peeking around the corner.  Take a breath.  Look at your priorities.  If you can take something off your plate, do it.  If there is someone who can help you, ask.  Give yourself a little grace.  Is the world going to end?  Is anybody going to die?  Likely not.  It’s ok to make yourself a priority.  And now…what you expected earlier….you can do this!!!

How to Have Anything You Want

I go to a lot of music festivals and concerts.  Particularly bluegrass music.  That’s really my thing.  Everybody has their thing.  It seems like I’m spending a lot of money on live music.  And I am.  But that’s because live music is a priority for me.  I’ve made tradeoffs in other areas of life to make room in the budget for the thing that is important to me.  I live in a very small house.  I buy most of my clothes secondhand.  My “newer” car is 12 years old.  I buy store brands at the grocery store.  I’ve never been to Europe.  I don’t spend much money on beauty products or self-care rituals.  These are the things that are not a very high priority for me.  I have what I need.  I don’t need new or fancy or high end.  I DO need live music for my life to be satisfying and happy.

Every financial decision comes with a trade-off.  Your home may have the space you like and the location you like, but come with a roommate you didn’t initially want.  Your food may be delicious and nutritious, but you may be substituting cheaper proteins for more expensive options.  You may have chosen a less expensive college than your dream school, or you may have taken on student loan debt in order to afford your dream school.

Adulthood is full of decisions.  Some decisions are big.  Others are small.  But every decision comes with a tradeoff of some sort.  Every single thing you spend money on makes it so you can’t spend that money on something else.  I’m sure there are wealthy folks who can spend freely on absolutely anything without thinking about it, but even those folks are making the decision not to invest those funds or donate them to charity.

The next time you face a financial decision (which could be anything from selecting a box of pasta at the grocery store to deciding which job to accept), remember this:  You can have anything you want.  You just can’t have everything you want.

 

Can I Be Replaced By AI?

Artificial intelligence (AI) is a powerful tool that can be used for good or for evil. In recent years, there has been an increase in the use of AI for scams. Scammers are using AI to create fake voices, images, and videos that can be used to trick people into giving them money or personal information.

One of the most common ways that AI is used in scams is to create fake voices. Scammers can use AI to create a voice that sounds exactly like someone you know, such as a friend, family member, or even a government official. This can be used to trick you into thinking that the person you are talking to is legitimate, when in fact they are a scammer.

Another way that AI is used in scams is to create fake images. Scammers can use AI to create images that look like they were taken from a real person’s social media account. This can be used to trick you into thinking that the person you are talking to is real, when in fact they are a scammer.

Finally, AI can also be used to create fake videos. Scammers can use AI to create videos that look like they were taken from a real person’s news interview or documentary. This can be used to trick you into thinking that the person you are talking to is real, when in fact they are a scammer.

If you are ever unsure whether someone you are talking to is legitimate, it is always best to err on the side of caution. Do not give out any personal information, such as your Social Security number or bank account information, to someone you do not know and trust. And if you think you have been the victim of a scam, you should report it to the authorities.

Here are some tips to protect yourself from AI-powered scams:

  • Be wary of any unsolicited calls, emails, or messages.
  • Don’t click on links in emails or messages from people you don’t know.
  • Be careful about what information you share online.
  • Use strong passwords and two-factor authentication for your online accounts.
  • Keep your software up to date.
  • Report any suspicious activity to the authorities.

*If you found that this tip does not sound like my normal writing style, you are correct.  I used Google’s AI chat writer Bard to write the bulk of this post.  And frankly it’s a little unsettling that AI is this good at writing a blog post.  AI will never be able to add the personal stories that I throw into my writing.  But it definitely does a good job of finding facts and putting them into a grammatically correct format.  I don’t have any fear that my job will be replaced by a computer (at least before I am eligible to retire), but I can see the possibility of a change in how my job is done. The only thing certain in the workplace is change.  I’m hoping that any AI change is used for good rather than evil.

Preparing for the End

I need to write a will.

Over the last few weeks since my father passed away, I’ve learned an awful lot about how money issues continue on after a person’s life ends.  I’m grateful that my dad had everything in order. He and my mom had wills drawn up several years ago.  They also had Power of Attorney paperwork done and signed and distributed to me and my siblings. My mom was already a joint holder on all of their financial accounts.  He even showed me where he had all of the income tax documents stashed so I would be able to file the taxes for him if he wasn’t able (which turned out to be the case).  My dad was an excellent record keeper (though the fact that he did that with paper ledgers rather than spreadsheets makes my head hurt).

But it turns out there is an awful lot of paperwork involved with the end of life. Changing joint accounts to single accounts.  Changing names on car titles. Filing for life insurance.  Updating information with Social Security. Updating information with my dad’s pension and health insurance.  Canceling magazine subscriptions.  And this is all long after dealing with the actual funeral arrangements.  Every time I turn around I’m learning about something else that needs to be done.  And my dad had everything in order.  This is about as easy as it gets. And it’s not easy.

My dad handled all of the financial stuff and every major decision.  My mom never did any of that for herself.  For the last 68 years.  But everything was left in order, so my brother and I were able to step in and figure everything out pretty easily.  I don’t have everything so in order for myself.  I handle all of the financial stuff and my husband is the one left largely in the dark.  If I had suddenly passed away before filing the income tax, my husband wouldn’t have had any idea where to find the things needed to do so.  He wouldn’t know how to log into our bank accounts or credit card accounts.  He wouldn’t know how to find anything.  My father’s passing was a financial wake-up call for me.  I need to get things in order and make sure my husband knows where to find everything.

I need to write a will.  I need to make sure my husband has my power of attorney if he should need it.  I need to get myself organized.  Nobody expects that they will suddenly pass away.  My dad’s death came after a long illness, so we all saw it coming.  But if we hadn’t, he had things ready.  I need to get things ready.  I need to write a will.

 

 

Lessons from My Father

I’ve been away a lot lately.  I haven’t really been in my office and I haven’t written a Moneywise Tip in quite a while.  Sometimes family responsibilities have to take priority over other things. And that has been my situation as my father arrived at the final weeks of a long illness and then passed away.

My father was a teacher by trade (German and French), and he was always teaching something to someone, whether in the classroom or not.  While he never succeeded in teaching me to speak German (much to his dismay), he did manage to teach me quite a bit about money over the years.

My dad grew up poor.  He was born during the Great Depression, and after his parents divorced he lived with his father in a one room cabin without electricity.  Because he knew what it was like not to have money, he was very careful with it once he actually had some (after 4 years in the U.S. Navy and working his way through college on the G.I. Bill).

I remember always receiving an allowance as a child.  That is how I learned about how to receive a regular paycheck and that more money didn’t come around until the next payday.  My dad was paid every two weeks, so my allowance came every two weeks.  So I had to get used to saving and budgeting.  As I grew older and took on more responsibilities in the house, my allowance grew to reflect that.  I learned that more work yields more money.

My dad helped me start a savings account when I was young.  I remember a program in my elementary school where students all started savings accounts together and brought deposits to school for regular savings.  But I didn’t participate because I already had my savings account, and it was growing whenever I had some extra allowance or some birthday or Christmas money.  Over the years I learned the value of having some extra cash stashed away in case of emergency or for a purchase that required saving ahead.  And now I still have an automatic transfer to savings set up right after every pay day.

My dad also taught me about loans.  My sister and I were desperate to have a television in the bedroom we shared.  But the 12 inch black and white TV we dreamed of was more than $40, which may as well have been a million dollars for two elementary age kids in the 1970’s.  But my dad loaned us the money.  He kept a ledger of the amount we owed, and we paid it back over time, in dribs and drabs.  I remember at one point handing my dad a small box full of pennies to pay on that account.  And he accepted that and subtracted it from my balance due.  I’m not quite sure how long we took to pay off that TV, but I’ll always remember my first loan.

My dad was quite the master of budgeting as well.  He didn’t have spreadsheets, but he worked out his budget extraordinarily well using the envelope system (which I understand made a recent comeback thanks to TikTok). Every payday he would go to the bank and get a certain amount of cash to fill the envelopes.  He had a list of exactly how many of each denomination bill he needed.  Then he would lay it all out on his desk like a Monopoly banker and would fill each envelope with the budgeted amount.  Each regular expense had its own envelope.  Then when the bill came due, he would go to that envelope and get the money to pay that bill.  If the amount in the envelope wasn’t enough, he would rework the budget and would have to figure out which category could spare a little to cover the difference that month.  It seemed incredibly complicated at the time.  But it was amazingly effective.

My dad taught me so many things I am grateful for.  The lessons weren’t always easy at the time.  (Especially the time he taught me how to stop going up hill without drifting backward in a manual transmission car.  That lesson came with a LOT of tears.)  But I will forever be grateful for the many things he taught me.  I hope I am able to have anywhere close to that kind of a positive impact on other people’s lives.  Thank you, Pops!

Secure Your Own Mask First

When you fly on an airplane there is always a safety speech before takeoff.  And the thing that always sticks with me is, “Please secure your own mask before assisting others.”

That one sentence hit home this weekend.  My parents needed my help.  My husband wasn’t feeling well.  My chonky cat was sick.  And I was limping around on crutches trying to help everyone except myself.

I pushed myself over the weekend.  I did more than I should have. My bad leg got a bit more “physical therapy” than was appropriate.  And I was very aware of that.  But I didn’t do more than I could handle.  I could have tried to do some cleaning at my parents’ house, but decided I wasn’t able.  I should have cooked myself some dinner on Sunday night, but ate cereal instead.  My parents would have liked me to stay longer, but I came home to give my cat antibiotics and make it to physical therapy this morning.  On a weekend when I was busy helping everyone else, I also made sure to take care of myself, at least to some extent.

The “secure your own mask” bit also hit close to home in a different way over the holidays.  It seems like every charity I’ve ever donated to was reaching out for an end of year contribution.  And I wanted to assist others.  But the cost of groceries and heating is making life challenging financially.  So rather than stretching myself to assist others as much as I would have liked, I smiled, politely said no, and proceeded with securing my own financial mask.  It won’t be this way every year.  And it’s ok to say no to charities if you’re not feeling particularly financially secure yourself.

I am hopeful that things will turn a corner for me soon.  I have survived a particularly challenging January.  But it’s only because I secured my own mask first.  Now I can proceed with assisting others.

 

The Little Law School(s) That Could

Once upon a time there was a young financial aid counselor at a small private college in western New York state.  She wanted desperately to move from small town life to a big city.  So she went on a job interview and before very long she was a financial aid advisor at an independent unranked law school in Chicago.  She loved Chicago and loved working with law students.  She discovered she had a true passion for helping students understand how to repay student loans.  But after several years she also discovered that she really missed her family in Pennsylvania.  Then one day she was flipping through the Chronicle of Higher Education, and she discovered an ad for a financial aid director at a small law school in south central Pennsylvania that had recently been acquired by Giant University.  So she went on another job interview, and before she knew it she was moving closer to her family to work at the little Pennsylvania law school.

When the maturing financial aid director started at the little law school, the scars there were still fresh from the recent merger with Giant University.  It was hard for the little law school to accept that they had just gone from “strong and independent” to “We Are.”  A financial aid colleague from Giant University’s big campus told her, “A good thing about Giant University is that we’re really, really big.  A bad thing about Giant University is that we’re really, really big.”  And as she found her footing in her new role, she recalled those words of wisdom many times.

As she progressed into the sixth month in her new job, the financial aid director discovered that she really enjoyed working with all the advantages of Giant University, while still having all of the advantages of the small law school.  She was very happy and decided to stay for a very long time.  So she bought a house.  The next month the entire staff and faculty was called into a meeting with the University President and Provost.  The President announced that they planned to pick up the little law school and relocate it to the big campus of Giant University.

Everyone (other than the President and Provost) was very dismayed at the thought of moving the little law school.  The alumni loudly shouted their anger.  The faculty and staff were upset because they didn’t want to leave their little town.  It was clear that Giant University wanted to have a law school on their campus, but the little law school was not going to go quietly.  So many people were so angry as many scenarios were tossed around.  Perhaps Giant University should sell the little law school to the little college down the street.  Perhaps the little law school should close altogether.  There was much uncertainty and everyone was scared.  Then two powerful alumni came up with a wonderful plan.  They would keep the little law school open while also adding a second location on the big campus of Giant University.  The two law schools would operate as one, offering students their choice of location.  The students would be able to choose classes from either location, either commuting or attending remotely.  The faculty and staff were split between the two locations, serving the needs of all the students.

The unified two-location law school continued to grow stronger as the years went by.  The financial aid director decided to relocate to the big campus location so she could better meet the needs of the larger student population, while still visiting at the little law school location on a regular basis.  Everything seemed to be going well.  But eventually it became clear that the faculty at the Giant University big campus could not get along with the faculty at the original little law school location.  They fought and fought about how the school should be run and what their academic focus should be.  Everybody did what they could to make the angry faculty agree, but it was too late.  Their differences were irreconcilable.  The decision was made that the two locations would separate into two separately accredited schools.

Over the next years the financial aid director and the rest of the staff worked very hard to painstakingly untangle the two locations into two separate law schools.  Once it was all figured out, the accrediting body decided that all was ok and the two law schools could move forward, and everything was fine again.  The two separate law schools continued to grow stronger as they moved forward.  The big campus law school embraced the interdisciplinary study opportunities readily available to them.  The little law school embraced making their students ready to practice law, taking advantage of their location near the state capital.  Both law schools were happy and growing and rising up the annual ranks assembled by the fancy magazine.

Everything seemed to be going so well.  Except money was tight.  Then one day the financial aid director received an email that the faculty and staff of the big campus law school were to report to an urgent meeting with the University President and the Provost.  The financial aid director remembered how things did not immediately go well the last time she had been called to a meeting with the President and Provost.  This time was not different.  The meeting turned a bit unruly after the President announced that the two separate law schools were to be reunited into one….and that the primary law school would be the little law school from which she had relocated so many years ago.  The faculty and staff were very scared because there was suddenly much uncertainty about how long they would be able to keep their jobs.  The students were very angry because they felt that their school was being yanked out from under them.  The Dean of the big campus law school was very frustrated because things were handled quite poorly by the leadership of the Giant University.  The now well-seasoned financial aid director was sad because she had been planning to retire from the big campus law school in 5 to 7 years, but no longer had certainty that her job (which she loved very much) would still exist when she became eligible to retire.

Life is uncertain.  Change is constant.  The financial aid director learned that over and over again during her many years of working for the law schools of the Giant University.  And the more frequently she dealt with changes, the more comfortable and nimble she became in dealing with change.  The law school(s) evolved through many transitions during her time with the Giant University.  And each time the law school(s), the faculty, the staff, and the students all came out just fine on the other side.  The law schools grew stronger as they evolved.  The staff grew wiser.  The students graduated into alumni who benefitted from the increasingly good reputations of the law schools.  And new students continued to come to reap the benefits of the innovating law schools.

The moral to this story is that change is hard.  Especially when it is unexpected.  But change is also good.  It makes us resilient.  It makes us grow.  It makes us adaptable.  It allows us to learn from our past mistakes.  The law school at the big campus of Giant University has just learned that a big change is imminent.  It won’t be easy.  But it can be good.