#6 The One With The Bullies

This season 2 episode has two main plot lines: The first is Ross and Chandler being bullied by two men at Central Perk (hence the title). The other is Phoebe making the decision to go meet her estranged father. 

Another thing to mention is that this episode takes place while Monica is in between jobs, causing her to invest in a stock with her initials (MEG) while watching the business channel. As you may of expect of somebody as driven as Monica, she quickly becomes obsessed and loses all the money she invested.  

All the bullying begins at Central Perk, when Ross and Chandler accidentally sit in two men’s seats on the couch. The men turn out to be “actual bullies”, as Ross calls them, and one of them steals Chandler’s hat. Ross, trying to be reasonable, tells the men to give the hat back because it is a “special hat”, citing how Chandler bought it to cheer himself up on a day he was feeling down. As you can imagine, this story does nothing to get the hat back, and instead (if you can believe it) makes Ross and Chandler seem even more weak and wimpy than before. 

Phoebe, accompanied by Joey and Rachel, drives out to her father’s house so she can finally meet him. However, when they get there they find themselves blocked from the house by a little dog who Phoebe frantically describes as a “yippity piece of crap”. The scene is funny not just because of the hilarious juxtaposition between the dog’s tininess and its aggression, but also because even the dog has no interest in a questionable sandwich Joey brought along, allowing for Rachel to deliver a classic line, “Joey, the dog will lick himself but he will not touch your sandwich, what does that say? 

 Back at Central Perk, it’s a new day and Ross and Chandler are relaxing on the couch when who walks in but the two bullies from the other day. They demand Ross and Chandler get out of “their seats” which prompts Ross to tell on them to Gunther. It is textbook Ross Geller not understanding how the things he says often reflect poorly. The bullies threaten to beat them up, so Ross and Chandler again leave the coffee house and retreat to the apartment. 

Meanwhile, Phoebe finally makes it pass the dog, only to learn that her father has left the home four years ago, leaving behind Phoebe’s younger brother, Frank Jr. Phoebe and Frank Jr. begin talking and decide to get together again in the future. It’s a touching moment for Phoebe, because even though Frank Jr gives off some weird vibes, the disappointment of not meeting her father is reduced by the excitement of potentially building a relationship with her little brother.  

Finally deciding to stand their ground, Ross and Chandler return to Central Perk. Despite their cowardliness throughout the episode, it is respectable that they even went back. However, it becomes less and less respectable as they swallow down their coffee in a matter of seconds in a race to leave Central Perk and continue avoiding the bullies.  

Yet inevitably the bullies arrive, and the four men retire to the street to fight. Chandler asks if he can use his watch as a weapon, which causes the four men to put all their keys and watches in a hat to the side so nobody can use them as weapons. Then Ross hilariously asks, “are we hitting faces?”, because he is worried about a big presentation he has on Monday. One bully berates him but the other likes the “no face idea”, because he too must work the next day. So, the men establish no faces, and no hitting from the waist down, (because of course one of the bully’s wives is ovulating).

As the men are about to fight, they ironically notice that two other guys have stolen the hat containing their keys and watches, and they chase after them. 

 Soon after, the four men return to Central Perk congratulating each other on beating those other guys up. We soon learn that Chandler, true to form, tripped over a little girls jump-rope and missed the entire fight. The bullies and Ross and Chandler realize that they are fine with each other, so Chandler asks for his hat back, but the bully says no. So then, Chandler grabs the hat and sprints for the door, but trips and falls down.  

 There are two things that solidify this episode’s place on the list. The first is the hysterical relationship arc between Ross, Chandler, and the two bullies. What starts as a hostile relationship, slowly shifts to them collaborating to establish the rules for their fight (which is probably the funniest scene of the episode), to ultimately teaming up against a shared enemy. The other great part of this episode is Phoebe meeting her brother, as he has the potential to be the only positive familial relationship in Phoebe’s life, so it is very sweet to see.