This post is about me and my experiences with Penn State up until this point.
It is very tiresome being stigmatized for dressing and acting differently than those around you. I don’t think people realize how much it hurts to walk into a room and be purposefully ignored because you aren’t wearing a pair of yoga pants and a PSU t-shirt.
I very recently had a discussion with someone who is more similar to myself. When I asked her if she likes it here, she responded in much the same way I find myself responding.
“I thought I would, but now I’m not so sure.”
When I first arrived on campus, I was on cloud nine. Possibilities and anticipation were stemming from every direction. I couldn’t wait to dive in head-first and have the full college experience! I never thought I would have an issue making friends or finding my niche, because this wasn’t high school. It’s college! There shouldn’t be cliques and popular kids. Trends shouldn’t lead the masses. I could finally be myself.
Ideological thinking, I know. From the moment I moved my things into my room, I realized it wouldn’t be quite as I’d hoped. My roomie automatically snubbed me aside because I didn’t fit into the contextual female mold. Having already made friends, she didn’t need me anyway. So from the get-go, I was kind of on my own.
It’s really quite a lot to handle when you come into a place like PSU without having any ties or friends there. Even more difficult when you lack that initial bond most people can forge with a roommate. Things are much easier to tackle when there are two people who can lean on one another, and not just one person acting on their own.
Ever since that point, I have been feeling the sting of social judgment. Not that I care, really. I like to be a free spirit and thinker. But it is quite tiresome when you walk into a room with classmates who know who you are and they snub you because they auto-assume that they’re better than you. They don’t like your pants or the metal in your lip, so they’re going to punish you for it. It’s a lonely sort of feeling, and honestly it’s very messed up.
I choose to be myself because people are made individuals for a reason. We aren’t supposed to be herded like cattle or a flock of sheep. We have the mental faculties and capabilities of independent action and opinion. So why is it that so often we choose not to use them?
The point of this post wasn’t to gain pity or sympathy from anyone. In fact, that’s what I desire the least. I’ve stressed this in each post I’ve written, and I’m pushing it again here.
Think before you act and speak. You don’t know a person’s situation.
Just because someone is a different color or body type, or just because they have a different opinion or style doesn’t mean they’re any less human than you. They too need oxygen. And just the same, they also need love.
(Next week I’ll interview some people and get different perspectives on PSU. Just feeling strongly about this this today.)
Signing off for now,
P (:
Hey Polly, I’m sorry to hear you’re not enjoying your time at Penn State right now. It sucks that people are shallow and judgmental. Your post is a real eye-opener. We’re all filled with so many great expectations for college and not all of them are met. I think if you follow your interests, you’ll find some dependable peers with similar interests. I hope you find Penn State is the appropriate fit for you. I really appreciate the insights and positive attitude you bring to class. Keep being you.
Maybe interview someone who lives / hangs out at Houseasaurus (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Houseasaurus-Co-op/134462925505?rf=118489318220696)? I’m sure they’d have an interesting perspective on campus life and creating community (although it is a mix of students and non-students living there, I believe). It looks like they even do community dinners a couple nights a week.
Although it is unfortunate, I do believe that people have the natural tendency to judge other people based on appearances. On a fundamental level, we tend to form friends with people who have similar values to us, and it’s difficult to not make an assessment based on appearance and immediately assume things about a person. The good thing about Penn State is that there are so many people from all different backgrounds, so you can be sure eventually you will find some people you will identify with, you just might have to sort through a lot of the population to find them.