If you type in sex into the Youtube search engine, a variety of videos of the sexual nature pop up, but hidden among all of these was a little gem titled Honest Sex, a video posted by BuzzFeedYellow, a Youtube channel quoted as “being just like BuzzFeed, but more yellow”. The idea behind being “more yellow” escapes me, but the video still caught my attention. The video was posted on January 29, 2015 with the caption, “Can you handle it?”
The seven minute video outlines the conversation that many couples fail to have before embarking on that journey between the sheets. Although the video depicts a heterosexual couple, the idea of whether or not a relationship is to be monogamous can be applied to any gender.
“I don’t believe in a monogamous lifestyle. I’ve tried it before and it just doesn’t work for me.”
Monogamy is defined by Merriam-Webster’s dictionary as “the state or practice of being married to only one person at a time” or “having only one sexual partner during a period of time”. The idea of monogamy has plagued relationships in western culture for some time, but the question is why this has become the steadfast rule when monogamy in the natural world is uncommon. Throughout history many societies practiced a variety of relationships which included monogamy and polygamy, but in modern Western culture people who engage in the practice of polygamy are seen as sinners. Society stigmatizes the idea of a polyamorous relationship because it does not fit into the little box in which our society currently resides, so it is foreign, it is “queer”.
Sometime people fail to realize sex can occur with multiple people at one time and it be okay. Sex is a crucial part of a relationship, but we allow it to hold too much power over the way we conduct those relationships. Sexual relationships don’t just occur between a man and a woman, but between people of all genders. Just as we shouldn’t shame people for being straight, or gay, or lesbian, or bisexual, or transgender, we shouldn’t shame them for engaging in a non-monogamous or polyamorous relationship. If they can be honest about their sexual relationship, then we shouldn’t name call or slut shame them as society has bred us to do.
“Are you comfortable with me seeing other people?”
While non-monogamous relationships may not be for everyone, we have to move past the stigmatization that we place on the idea of people who do live that lifestyle. Having an honest sexual relationship is something that everyone should aspire to do because there are some of us who are currently failing to do so. We have to have those conversations because whether the relationship is monogamous or polyamorous is should always be honest. Honest sex…can you handle it?