I think it is tough for me to look back at my college experience and really pinpoint an event that has really brought me down or made me feel negative. That doesn’t mean that I haven’t had these experiences, I just think that I don’t like to dwell on them and rather just focus on the positives. But, this essay (and the assigned article that it is based on) made me think about it some more and I can definitely see how reflecting on a negative experience can help with the coping process and by looking at the event in a different light, one can benefit from the reflection in the future, perhaps if a similar situation arises again. One aspect of the article that I wish were clarified about this whole reflection process is the time between experiencing some negative life experience and when you actually write and reflect on it. For the several experiments mentioned in the article, they are not specified, and we just know that at some point after the fact the reflection took place. The reason I bring this up is that I have my own opinion about the efficacy of this “therapy” and keeping in mind that I have never really done this before, my guess is that it would be less effective to reflect on an event that took place at a much earlier time compared to one that was more recent. As I attempted to reflect on some recent negative experiences, I couldn’t come up with any of real worth that really brought me down. Obviously, I don’t know exactly what the threshold is for this phenomenon, but I would imagine reflection within a month or 2 would prevent the most benefit, and waiting longer than that time span would not bring about as much benefit. But again, that is my “researchless” opinion.
Regardless, I think that the time I was most down while at Penn State was the end of my fall semester junior year. At this point, I had just finished my worst semester at Penn State in terms of academics. My semester was poor enough to the point where I was on probation for the Honors College. This was the first time I was living off campus, so there were many different responsibilities and obligations that came with this compared to living on campus. I had started the semester with 20 credits, many of which were my first major courses, but I ended up dropping 3 of those credits. I spent multiple nights a week up till 3 or 4 in the morning, and I could barely keep myself awake in class as a consequence. I would have to say that semester was the most miserable period of my life in my recent memory, to go along with the deflating feeling of having just had my worst semester academically when it was all over.
Because it has been a year since the end of that semester, I have had plenty of time to reflect on all of it. At the time, I was convinced that my workload was more challenging than my peers and that I was supposed to be suffering like that. I told myself that perhaps I wasn’t suited for this major, and that’s why I wasn’t doing well. But at the same time, I was not interested in switching majors because I had felt like I had come too far and that it would have been too much of a hassle to go through with it. Another excuses I remember telling myself was that I was doing a lot of research at that time and that it was ok to let my grades suffer a little as long as I was being very productive with my research. While I did get a lot of work done that semester for my research, it wasn’t with any great benefit though. I kept trying to dodge the real issue at hand, one that has been haunting me ever since high school. That issue was time management, plain and simple.
This is what I realized shortly after the end of that semester and what I have worked on with all of my energy to improve ever since then. I realized that I wasn’t staying up late to finish my assignments because I had a lot on my plate; I was staying up late because I had put it off earlier in the week and saved all my assignments for the last minute. I didn’t account for how the responsibilities of having to cook for myself and take care of an apartment would add into my daily schedule. I refused to take advantage of the time on the weekends to catch up on work or get ahead and instead used it to relax because I thought I had deserved it after the work week. While the thoughts of switching majors still swirled in my head, I knew that I could still finish the major, and do well in it at the same time if I put in the time it requires.
The pain was both physical and emotional. My body ached due to my sleep deprivation. My sleep deprivation then made me feel somber and unmotivated. Towards the end of the semester, I knew I was going to be in for a rude awakening when my grades came in. I was able to salvage some of them at the last minute, but overall it wasn’t good enough for my standards. I let myself down immensely, which hurt just as bad as letting my parents down as well who have helped me get to that point. A lot of maturing occurred over that winter break between the fall and spring semesters of last year. All of a sudden college wasn’t my home away from home where I got to be with friends and have to go to classes and take some exams every now and then. It flipped into what it should have been for me the entire time: a place where I go to classes and take exams, and then spend time with friends as a secondary aspect.
I think it is clear that something clicked with me after that period of failure, as I have rebounded very well in terms of my GPA and I now have greater control on my life and how I spend my time more than ever before. In a way, I am glad that I had this bad experience now in college. While my post-graduate life will depend on my overall college experience and performance, I’d rather make my mistakes now rather than while on my first job or when/if I have a family to look after as well. However, that awful semester is still a fresh in my memory. The challenge now will be years down the road when the sting from that failure starts to heal and I recall it less and less, and risk becoming complacent again. One thing that I am realizing now that may help though is if I feel like I am starting to fall down that slippery slope, I should immediately reflect on what I am doing wrong and learn from my mistakes as quickly as possible.
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