I want to preface this post with that I’m for the most part an incredibly happy and upbeat person. I’ve been in a fantastic place for the past 6 months. But like everyone’s life there have been highs and lows.

Starting a company is really really tough mentally, especially as you make progress and the stakes continue to raise. I wanted to take this as an opportunity to talk about mental health as it relates to being a founder of a tech company.

Many founders find themselves with high amount of stress and often cannot help but to closely relate their self work to whatever they are working on. When you’re pouring 80-100 hours a week (or the 40-50 that I manage to put in while a student) into something, you can’t help but allow it to influence how you feel at any given point.

The Highest of High’s and The…

Lowest of lows. The technology industry is an incredibly fast moving place. In the book The Hard Things about The Hard Things Ben Horwitz makes a very clear point of what it’s like to run a tech company:

“Marc: “Do you know the best thing about startups?” Ben: “What?” Marc: “You only ever experience two emotions: euphoria and terror. And I find that lack of sleep enhances them both.”

Ahhh yes. Startups are an emotional roller coaster. One day you can have the confidence that you and your team are going to take over the world. The next you have no idea how you’re ever going to make things work.

I think the world is moving this way as information and feedback systems are getting shorter. But in tech, it’s likely still the fastest moving and makes these peaks and valleys a little bit tougher to deal with.

Being A Solo Founder & Living Alone

Part of the reason I wanted to write through this topic is that after 2 years of living with over 20 people, I now live alone. It needed to happen so that I could focus on my own shortcomings and my work – and I’ve found myself making in strides in my life where I’ve traditionally fell short now catching up to par.

But I think you knew that where I was going with this is that everything is a tradeoff. For the past two years if I’ve wanted to do something social I could just go downstairs and hang out with one of 19 other people.

Now, it’s a little big different; I’m not as heavily involved in the Innoblue community, I’m not really in the inner circle of the co.space anymore since moving out, and I haven’t really hung out with people from my college since freshman year. Luckily, I’ve met a few amazing groups of people in the past 6 months, but I can’t be more thankful the role other PLAyers have played in the past few months.

On a related note, both of my cofounders have left me for other projects and commitments over the past 3 months. Which leaves me back to more control and autonomy over my company, but also in a place where I can’t immediately talk about specific stressful things that are going on within the business with anyone on a consistent basis.

Practicing Gratitude 

Part of the reason this topic has been on my mind is because a friend and former volleyball teammate of mine from high school passed away last Friday. It really throws a lot of your life into perspective.

It makes you feel great to feel alive and appreciate what you really have.

Lately I’ve been taking time out of my day to make sure I write down things I’m thankful for. In the context of removing myself from my self worth it’s been helpful.

Finding My Anti-Startup

Last Sunday I was erasing my long to-do list that I knocked out the week prior and I couldn’t help to think that I needed to scale back just a tiny bit. Between school and my startup I’ve found that I need something, something that helps me take my mind off of things.

I couldn’t help to think that man I miss sports.

Bringing This All Together

I’ve been in a position of being a long wolf focusing-in on my startup and school that past few months. In taking a step back, I know that I need to find more activities and relationships in my life that removes myself from my work.

I guess that’s what you’ll find me thinking about in the next few weeks moving forward.

For More Context on this topic (‘founders depression’):

The Atlantic on Depression in Tech

The Dark Side To Startups

TechCrunch – Founders on Depression

PS – Are you a sophomore reading this but don’t really know me yet? Feel free to use this post as an Icebreaker on the Pittsburgh Trip.