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“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”

Over the past couple of years, I have taken a few classes that have asked me to think critically about the principles, morals, ethics, values, etc. that guide my life. I started this process at the beginning of last year, and now, over a year into the practice of ruminating on this topic, I always say confidently that my two biggest core values are love and kindness.

To me, love is an overall guiding approach to life that motivates me to be the person that I am. Kindness, on the other hand, is what I see as the outward manifestation of love. It is using love within to produce outward acts that reflect that internal state of respect and care for the well-being of others. Through the course of my life experiences, and studying my own religion, I have come confidently to these conclusions and have found solace in using them as a framework for life and interacting with others.

One thing that I have learned, however, is that it is infinitely easier to love someone – to believe in their goodness, respect them, and wish the best for them – than it is to be kind to someone. Think about it – you may love your parents or siblings unconditionally, but the second they do something to set us off, kindness is often brazenly thrown out the window. But this creates problems because one of the primary ways that we can show that we love others is through acts of kindness, and not simply random acts of kindness, but through consistent and deliberate ones.

For this reason, I have been working hard to bite the bullet more often and be as consistently kind to the people I love as I can possibly be. First, because they deserve it. Second, because I understand that I’m not going to stop loving them, so there is no reason to let things get to me and be rude. Instead, I find it better to attempt to maintain normal levels of kindness, and simply introduce a topic for conversation when I get upset. In this way, we address our agitations while still showing deep respect and care for those we love.

Of course, this is easier said than done, and it takes a great deal of patience and thought to accomplish. Personally, I love confrontation, so resisting the urge to be forceful and quite frankly harsh when I address an issue has been incredibly difficult. However, I find that it brings me a great sense of pride to watch myself grow through the process of attempting to diminish the urge to act in that way.

I think that in our roles as leaders we do have to remember that there is a great difference between being kind and being direct. When someone is not doing their job or perhaps isn’t doing it well enough, I am not advocating that we sugarcoat our messages. Instead, I advocate that we be direct as possible, maintaining kindness as we consider our own needs, that individual’s needs, and how best we can help them develop.

Admittedly, sometimes it is downright painful to be kind to someone else, and that’s okay. I think the important thing is realizing how important kindness is – not simply because it right but because it develops our ability to love others and care for them more fully.