It’s been awhile since we’ve last needed to blog, and I’ve definitely been feeling the effects of that in my life. Normally, this space provides me an opportunity to reflect and think about important things going with or around me at the moment. I haven’t been getting that recently, so I’m excited to explore some things I’ve been feeling over the past few weeks.
During my time in the PLA, I’ve written plenty a blog about exploring my passions and figuring out my purpose. To be honest, I would have thought that I’d have had that figured out by now – that I would have either a) actually found a passion, or b) at least got the process down to a distilled roadmap for success. Alas, fellow PLAers, I have not.
Recently, I’ve found it hard to find what it is that drives me at my core. Over my first three years at Penn State, the drive to get good grades in classes that I loved while dabbling in extracurricular activities kept me moving along at a supersonic rate. My stresses were about my passions, not about finding it. Ever since I got back from Ecuador and my student teacher experience, I have had a difficult time locating what it is that I’m passionate about.
I have a theory about what happened – I had had a plan for my life before leaving. I was loving my major and was going to try graduate school for Rhetoric and Communication Studies. I had my experience with learning about and teaching ESL and realized that I would also love that. I got back and didn’t have many great outlets for each. I didn’t need to take many more classes in my major, and there weren’t many opportunities for teaching or taking Ed classes since they didn’t help me get my degree in Liberal Arts. I’m still interested in those two fields, but I’ve also been feeling a pull to try to return to the field of public relations, which I explored with an internship two summers ago.
In the end, I have a lot of different ideas about what I want to do, but no way to figure out what exactly the choice will be once we hit graduation in May. They all seem interesting, but at the same time, I haven’t been pursuing many opportunities to figure it out. I don’t have many classes either, so this leaves a ton of time for thinking, which doesn’t typically end positively.
In this experience of not knowing my passion-driven purpose, I find that I have been putting too much pressure on my personal relationships. Instead of being happy and passionate about myself and my own prospects, I find myself trying to latch on to others to get them to make me happy. Truly, that can never end well. Others can only complement us in our efforts. I, and I only can make myself happy on the inside, and I am determined and ready to make that happen.
To be honest, I couldn’t tell you the best way to make this happen. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to go for at least something. I’ve decided to teach a class downtown at Mid-State Literacy Council, and I’m taking Educational Psychology just for the heck of it. My thesis will keep me going with research and work in my major, and I’m also trying for some sort of PR internship on campus.
I do know one thing for certain – I need to stop sitting around twiddling my thumbs and actually go for things that could make me ecstatic about myself and my work. I’m deciding, right here, right now, that it’s time that I do that. So we’ll see where that takes me!
Hi Matt!
First of all, I always love how your way of writing is so much more interesting. My writing, on the other hand, does not seem to be interesting, unless I’m writing my thesis or scientific papers. But anyhow, at the very least, I’m glad that you’re thinking and planning ahead. Believe it or not, not many people do the things you are doing right now in terms of figuring out what to do next. I’m sure that there’s one path for you that fits just right for you!
Anyways, good luck on the Fullbright Scholarship! I’m hoping that you will get it.
Matt! I love reading your stream of consciousness. You always make me think in a way that I normally wouldn’t.
I really empathized with the sentiment of not knowing exactly what your passion is, and it has definitely stressed me out that I too do not have it defined as well as I would like. I agree that as a senior in college, I would have expected to be able to say “this is what I care about, hence this is what I’m going to do with my life” by this point, but that’s not the case.
In the realm of not letting this stress me out, I think about how work that I have done that I’ve cared about has shaped me, and I also think about how this work as well as other life experiences accumulate to make you your more authentic self. Like how we talked about values in class today – the ability to easily identify them likely isn’t something we would have felt so confidently about a few years ago. I feel that as students of the art of communicating, we really don’t need to have a scripted “this is what I care about and this is my goal” spiel because the kind of work that we are doing will be ever-changing. This excites me, and I hope it excites you too.
My favorite Matt — first and foremost, I enjoy reading your blogs, as they are always full of your honest thoughts and passions.
I too have have had a difficult time finding my true passion. I’m definitely interested in my thesis research (on race and the criminal justice system), I’m getting ready to enroll in LSAT prep, but I’m also really enjoying my communications and marketing internship with Schreyer. The good part is we live in a world where having a variety of passions is supported so I’m interested to see where these various interests take me.
I’m so excited to hear about your teaching experiences at the Mid-State Literacy Council and wish you the best in your internship search. Although it seems like I’ve known you for a very short time, I’m fully aware of what you’re capable of and know you’re destined to do amazing things in anything you set out to do.
Matt, I also know how difficult it can be to manage a number of different passions and try to find a balance between them. I am glad to hear that you are pursuing the things you discovered you loved even though they are not directly related to your major. One thing that we’ve discussed in both my leadership and design classes is how you never know exactly what skill you have will be the difference between success on a specific task on failure. Therefore, I would say that your should not be worried to broaden your horizons (as long as you are able to, of course).
Additionally, I really liked the way you phrased your line on interdependence with people. I agree that we must be first be able to pursue our passions before worrying about what everyone else thinks. Self-confidence and independence are crucial to becoming the best leader that you can be, as being a good leader also requires sometimes bring able to make tough decisions that are sometimes unpopular..
Matt — first off, I think blogging is a great way to sit down each week and collect one’s thoughts, so I am also glad that we are back at it! Like you, I found it — and still find it — difficult to transition back into the collegiate lifestyle after having the time to explore passions in the real world. In an environment largely centered around classroom learning, it can be tricky to find outlets through which to explore one’s real-world passions. That said, I think the ways you mentioned — teaching an ESL class, searching for an on-campus internship — are great ways to combat the feeling of twiddling one’s thumbs, as you said. Best of luck in this next semester with your goals, and I know you will meet them — I can’t wait to see you do great things!