Recently I saw a preview for a new movie titled “Love, Simon.” The movie describes the coming-out experience of a high school teenager from a small town in Georgia. The preview was excellent and truly got me excited for its release in March. As with any good movie preview, I went online to see if there was a book that inspired the creation of the movie. To my satisfaction, there was. “Love, Simon” is based on Becky Albertalli’s Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda. As soon as I discovered the book, I purchased it.
WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD
I read the book in one day and to my extreme disastisfaction, I was not happy with the outcome. The premise: great. The story plot: great. The characters: great. The ability to effectively put into words what it is like to personally come out: AWFUL. It was so disappointing! I was so ecstatic to finally refer my heterosexual friends to a book that may offer a glimpse into what I experienced as I came out for the first time, but to my dismay, this book is not worthy of a referral, unless I want all of my friends to believe that coming out is super easy and everyone is cool with it right away. I was so aggravated with the disappointment I was facing that I had to Google the author to figure out her background. And what did I find? The author is a heterosexual woman! Do I need to clarify? The author, that was writing the book from the first-person narrative of a gay, male teenager, is a HETEROSEXUAL WOMAN. Do I need to explain the issues there? I do not have an issue with female authors nor do I have an issue with female authors writing from the perspective of a male, but one’s coming out story is so complicated and so individualistic that it cannot handle that many different variables! I will give Ms. Albertalli credit for being a psychologist that specializes in gender non-conforming children and teens; that is amazing. But no matter how hard or how many times I explain what it was like to come out, a heterosexual individual will never be able to write or speak to the experience as if it were their own.
Coming out is not a one-time deal. It is something that I, and the rest of the gay community, have to do every day. Accepting that you are gay is also not a one-time deal. Every time I watch a Disney movie, go to a jewelry store, or step into my ballroom dance class, I have to be reminded that being gay is not the standard norm. Accepting that I am gay is a battle that will never be won, not because I am not comfortable with it, but because society is so strongly rooted in heteronormativity. I was so hopeful that this book would be able to provide meaningful insight into the feelings that a gay individual has, but unfortunately it did not do it justice. Even though I was disappointed with the book, I do still plan to see the movie. I am hopeful that it will be one of the rare exceptions where the movie is better than the book, so I promise to keep you posted!
I’ve never read the book but I have seen the trailer which looked like a relatively generic teen movie to me (though god knows we need more representation of gay folks in media, even if it is just another generic teen movie). Most coming-out stories I am familiar with in media and fiction are filled with rejection from the LGBT character’s close friends and/or family, and are overwhelmingly negative in tone. To me, a coming-out narrative where that is not the case, and where the tone is an overall positive one, seems a welcome change of pace. I think these types of happy and accepting narratives about coming out are equally important for people to consume, if for no other reason than to give closeted gay youth hope that things may not be as dire as they seem, and to give straight friends and family a guide of what they could do to support their LGBT loved one as they come to accept their identity.
Positive coming out narratives are also not entirely inaccurate pictures of some people’s real life coming out experiences. While I will probably never make the effort to come out to my family (who are extremely religious) in order to avoid creating rifts in our relationships, I found nothing but acceptance and love when I shared my sexuality with my close friends and mentors. And, as it should always be and as I wish it were with all people who come out, it ended up just not being a big deal. It’s just another facet of my identity, no more or less important than any of my other qualities or traits.
I certainly see where you’re coming from, though, and where your frustration at your experience not being represented in the novel might come from. I’m truly sorry that your experience was not as positive as mine or some others’ experiences; but your experience isn’t everyone’s, and I think there is a place for this type of story out there!