Masculinity is something that almost every man strives for.
The requirements are set at birth, taught in adolecense, and practiced throughout adulthood. By now, you can probably infer what these unwritten rules are that boys have to follow. These include hiding emotions (especially crying), being hypersexual and sexually active, being the initiators, and being sports-oriented.
Emotions have become excluded from the definition of masculinity in our society. I have heard firsthand the namecalling that occurs after a man expresses his feelings. A few of these names include “sissy”, “gay”, and “simp”. In fact, a lot of the insults that are meant to be offensive toward men, include comparing them to a woman. An example of this includes telling someone that they do something “like a girl”. After years of being told not to cry because they must always be strong, the suppressed emotions may lead to a reluctance to seek help in instances of depression and an increase in agressive behaviors.
Picture from NIMH
In fact, “59% of the 185 public mass shootings that took place in the United States from 1900 through 2017 were carried out by people who had either been diagnosed with a mental disorder or demonstrated signs of serious mental illness prior to the attack” (Duwe, G. Rocque, M. 2018). Moreover, in 2018, “the suicide rate among men was 3.7 times higher” than women (NIH, 2021). Many believe that these two statistics are correlated, as the majority of mass shootings in the US are carried out by men. Since the standard for men is to supress their emotions and not seek help from peers, it is very possible that this can cause increased violence in men.
We learn about sexuality through something called sexual scripts, which are guidelines, rules, and expectations for acceptable behavior defined by one’s culture. In our Western culture, we learn from these sexual scripts that a main part of being a masculine man includes having and enjoying sex. Not only that, but men are told they must be the initiators of conversations, dates, and intimate acts. This could potentially pose a threat to boys who aren’t naturally hypersexual, as this has become something out of the ordinary.
Similar to how men are meant to be the initiators, women are given the task of being “gatekeepers” of sex. This means that they decide when and how intimacy will happen. Moreover, men are not taught how to say no to sex, only taught that they should enjoy it. There has been an increased conversation regarding consensual sex, however, it is mainly geared towards a situation in which the woman has the choice to say yes or no, not the man. This could lead to miscommunications surrounding intimacy.
As we grow as a society, our views about how a man show act and what it means to be masculine are beginning to slowly change. Some celebrities are pushing the boundaries against societal norms. One example of this is Harry Styles, who wore a long dress in a Vogue magazine photoshoot. The world was shocked, and a controversial debate was opened up. Some wanted to “bring back manly men” while other thought that this was a refreshing and healthier change than the usual stereotypes.
While we cannot choose for men whether or not they should adhere to social norms or fight them, this is definitely a topic that should be more widely researched. There are both positives and negatives to masculinity. Now, we must look to see if one side outweighs the other.
You may be wondering how masculinity could possibly have anything to do with feminism. In fact, it actually has everything to do with feminism. Many feminists are fighting against the patriarchy, which is the idea that we live in a male-governed society, so it is important to note that the patriarchy oppresses both men and women in their own ways. Moreover, the actions of feminism work towards the equality of both men and women, not the superiority of women. This means that it is important to fight for the benefit of everyone.
In the end, we just want our boys to be happy and healthy.
Citations:
Duwe, Grant, and Michael Rocque. “Op-Ed: Actually, There Is a Clear Link between Mass Shootings and Mental Illness.” Los Angeles Times, Los Angeles Times, 23 Feb. 2018, www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-oe-duwe-rocque-mass-shootings-mental-illness-20180223-story.html.
“Suicide.” National Institute of Mental Health, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Jan. 2021, www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/suicide.shtml#:~:text=During%20that%2020%2Dyear%20period,females%20(6.2%20per%20100%2C000).
March 5, 2021 at 5:50 am
I really enjoyed reading your blog post, I especially like how you mentioned Harry Styles in the dress. I know he got a lot of backlash for that photo and outfit, so the fact that you are showing that it is still okay to dress outside the social norms and still be seen as attractive is great! Your post is very well written and you clearly used multiple sources and that shows through your writing. I like how you talked about the slang surrounding men and especially like how you mentioned consensual sex. Most people don’t realize that a woman can rape a man, not just a man rapping a woman. I feel like you did a very nice job on this post, and I look forward to reading your blogs in the future! Also, I really like your site layout!
March 5, 2021 at 8:55 pm
This post was extremely refreshing. Im actually learning the same thing in my criminology class. We are talking about how men commit more crime because they are taught from a young age that they need to be “violent” and “tough” and hide all of their emotions. Also, I know a few gay and bisexual men as well who feel as though they cannot tell anyone because they are men and as the stereotypes go real men are supposed to make love and fall in love with girls. It’s sad having to watch some of my closest friends hide who they are and fake their entire persona just to get away from bullying. I believe things have gotten better, but there is still a lot of work that needs to be done.