By Katelyn Quick
Assistant Director, Penn State Student Affairs Health Promotion and Wellness
When I planned to have Kimberly Dark perform “You Don’t Owe Anyone Pretty” for Eating Disorders Awareness Week this year, I knew I was in for a great show that would get me thinking about how appearance and identity tie into systems of oppression. She did not disappoint, and I’d like to share the inspiration with you. Let’s begin with you conjuring up a few images in your mind. When you read the following identities, just imagine that person standing in front of you.
- Yoga instructor
- Rock climber
- Dancer
Were any of these people standing in front of you fat or old?
Now, read a quote from Kimberly Dark:
“The fat middle-aged lady is not supposed to be the fitness instructor or the yoga instructor or the rock climber or the disco dancer. The fat middle-aged lady is not supposed to be physical or respectable in any way.” And then she said something profound; “I am respectable.” Wow. Mic Drop.
So, I found myself thinking about how categorizing others comes all too naturally. Of course, as a professional who works in the eating disorders field, I’d decided to drop my judgments about others’ bodies long ago. I know that appearance has absolutely nothing to do with health or happiness. But what really hit me about that statement was that Kimberly Dark believes, deep in her core, that she is respectable. She doesn’t need me or anyone else to tell her that. Despite the ways she describes not fitting into society’s ideal identity for women, she believes it in her core. And that, in itself, triggered a sense of reverence. “How beautiful,” I thought.
I teach my clients about body acceptance and self-care every day, which I’m really good at doing! Most females have had to confront body image issues at some point, myself included. I believe these specific challenges taught me to have empathy for my clients. But truthfully, self-care has never been a challenge because it came so intuitively. For me, cooking is easy; yoga is fun; bubble baths feel good. It’s natural for me to encourage my clients to explore what activities work for them.
However, this idea of developing respect at the core had me digging a little deeper. I still have my own struggles with acceptance from others, and frequently find myself considering, “What does this person want from me?” or “How can I make this situation more comfortable for them?” or “What is the right way to show up in that space?” Could the answers to these questions hurt me? Absolutely. The reason Kimberly’s core of respect was striking is because I still need to cultivate that in myself.
Kimberly said, “If we want kids to grow up and take responsibility for their words and actions, then it’s time we adults do more of it ourselves.” Body acceptance and self-care was a good start for me, but I’ll be working on developing respect at my core, both for my clients and for myself.
We each have our own internal power, and we decide how to use it.
National Eating Disorders Awareness Week events took place February 22 – 28, 2021. This year’s theme is Every Body Has a Seat at the Table, which was created by the National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA). The theme captures the importance of generating conversations to raise awareness, challenge systemic biases, and share stories from all backgrounds and experiences, especially stories from marginalized communities. The Arts & Design Research Incubator and Student Affairs Health Promotion and Wellness partnered to host guest artist Kimberly Dark. This event was funded by the Laura R. Whitaker Fund.