Additional Suggestions on Planning for Difficult Conversations

Lesson 12: Student-Centered Advising
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Planning for a difficult conversation can be very stressful. You can’t be sure how the student will react to your information or suggestions, and you may be concerned that the conversation may impact your relationship with the student.

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When you know you have a difficult conversation ahead of you, you can plan for the call. Begin by thinking about the purpose of the call by asking the following questions:

  • Is there a specific outcome you are interested in achieving or are there options for the student to consider once you present the information? Perhaps you need to break “bad” news to the student.
  • Do you know how the student feels about this particular issue or situation? Sometimes students are unaware of a situation and appreciate your proactive approach. Do you feel threatened by the student’s demeanor?
  • Do you have facts you may need at hand to help you relay information to the student? Are you missing information or do you need to determine what may have occurred?
  • What solution or reasons for the issue do you believe the student may offer? Are there common concerns that you can build upon?
  • Have you contributed to the problem with misinformation or lack of guidance?
  • Consider your attitude prior to the call. Can you offer the information in a positive manner?

When you address a difficult issue with a student either in person, via phone or by e-mail, do the following:

  • Keep calm. Maintain your information and facts close at hand so you can easily refer to them.
  • If you still need information, be prepared to listen to the student. Try to learn as much as possible and do not interrupt. If the student does not like what you are about to say, at least they will have had the opportunity to fully relate their story or information.
  • Relate back to the student the information he or she has provided and acknowledge his or her feelings. This situation or issue involves the student, so be careful not to take anything personally. Remember that acknowledgement and agreement are different; you can acknowledge without agreeing.
  • Identify information the student did not provide. There may be important information that the student has missed like a due date or deadline. Clarify the situation for the student and include your perspective as an adviser.
  • Be firm regarding policies and procedures, and refer to stated student responsibilities. The Advising Syllabus can be very helpful for outlining student/adviser responsibilities.
  • Help the student put the problem in perspective. What may seem to be an insurmountable situation for a student is often a common problem for many students and is just a temporary issue that is part of the academic experience. The issue may result in only a small delay in their academic progress.
  • Encourage the student to focus on options or framing a solution. Think about a positive change for the future and the skills or information the student may have moving forward.

Below are some suggested conversation starters:

  • I would like to discuss a situation with you, but I need your point of view first.
  • I wanted to touch base with you regarding ___________. I think there may be some misunderstandings that we need to discuss.
  • I understand you had a problem, do you have a few minutes to discuss it?
  • I think we can work more effectively together if we could discuss _________________.