“Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.” Hebrews 12:14
I lifted my head up from the Bible, feeling overwhelmed with hope to be surrounded by people who also shared the same passion for loving and accepting others in order to create peace in this world. The evangelical church was enormous, and it felt as though the walls were swallowing me and the hundreds of other people in the auditorium. Today’s worship songs consisted of showing gratitude for the Lord’s love being within each and every one of us. I loved this message because I knew it meant that I was spending time with “good Christians” who would practice love and acceptance towards those around them all the time.
I was scrolling through Instagram later that Sunday when I came across a post made by a family church friend. She was reposting a photo from an account called “Anti _LGBTQ”. I was confused. It had to be a mistake. How could someone who practices God’s love to those around them be hateful towards someone’s sexual identity and preference? It was not until I looked into who also followed this account that I discovered several members of my church liking these posts and supporting this Instagram page.
I have always known that the Bible was written from a traditional perspective, and it favors being in a heterosexual relationship with one man and one woman. I guess I just found it hard to believe that Christians were still stuck in looking at sexuality in this traditional way and being a part of the LGBTQIA+ community was sinful, especially while these same people were singing and reading about loving others in order to create a “peaceful life”.
I spent the next couple of months reading more into what the Bible has to say about same-sex marriages, and I spoke with members of my church to see how they felt about the subject. Luckily, there were many individuals around me that accepted those in the LGBTQIA+ community, but unfortunately there were far more Christians who thought that being a part of that community was your one-way ticket to Hell. I quickly learned that these traditional and Biblical beliefs are engrained in many people who practice many religions all around the world.
I believe in reducing the misconception that someone like me (a white, straight, female) could not care less about a community that does not have any importance to her. I firmly believe in everyone having the freedom to live their life in any way that they feel fits them and their morals best. If this means practicing Christianity or Judaism, for example, I feel happy that they are passionate about living their life in that way. However, more times than not I find myself frustrated with my belief that far too many individuals who practice a form of religion use those “rules” to pick and choose when they will support and accept those around them, in order to create their version of peace in this world. For this reason, I never found myself back at that church. I still keep in touch with the same anti-LGBTQIA+ individuals that I knew and loved before, but a thin wall is placed between me and them because I believe in using our voices to truly be kind to one another, regardless of one’s personal beliefs.
Thank you.
1.Identify the central conflict and structure (cause and effect, transformation, categorical) of this piece. Provide ideas for enhancing the central conflict structure/arrangement.
The central conflict is the internal contrast between your belief of inclusion and the church’s belief of non-inclusion, even though you still agree on many other things.
The central conflict/arrangement could be improved with maybe having more interaction between you and those in the church, like expanding on the digital interaction where you learned of their beliefs.
2. Could the piece be more sensory or engaging if told another way? Comment on how the style could be strengthened. Provide an example from the draft.
Similarly to the first part of my comment, it could be more engaging if told through a more direct, potentially conversational lens between you and the other members of the church.
3. Name some possibilities for deeper characterization. How could the “I” be developed further? Is there more you would like to know about the relationships between “characters”? Were some details “author oriented” instead of “audience oriented”?
I think you developed your personal connection to the church well, but it might benefit from a little more style in the integration of who you are. Instead of saying “me (a straight, white, female)” you should integrate that into the story as a more fluent characterization of your identity that goes beyond the surface level traits, which are often what is used by anti-inclusivity groups to divide those who are “different” in their eyes.
4. Did the belief match up with the story? Offer some advice if you felt the piece moved toward a different conclusion. Comment on places to strengthen narrative coherence and narrative fidelity.
The belief does match up, and your more clear realization of it as a personal characteristic that separates you from the church is a nice development through the story.
5. Make a suggestion or two for something the author could move, change, add, or delete.
“I guess I just found it hard to believe that Christians were still stuck in looking at sexuality in this traditional way and being a part of the LGBTQIA+ community was sinful” I feel like this could be perceived as somewhat ignorant- Christians are a VERY large group, and some Christian groups have been well-known for non-inclusivity. I do say some, because there are inclusive groups as well- that is where your realization that your church was not an inclusive one becomes a conflict that changes you as a person. It is mischaracterizing, however, to make it seem that all Christians have the same views, which could lead to animosity between you and your readers. As we discussed in class, the purpose of this project isn’t to preach but to express your belief- so focus on your church, and don’t worry about all of Christianity for the scope of this project.
Overall, I think this is a good topic that could be re-written slightly to be a better characterization of your personal development.
1.Identify the central conflict and structure (cause and effect, transformation, categorical) of this piece. Provide ideas for enhancing the central conflict structure/arrangement.
The central conflict in this piece is that she was part of a church she believed had the same views as her, but it turns out that some individuals were spreading “Anti- _LGBTQ” messages on social media. The structure of this piece is conversion or categorical as she was unaware of the situation, and how this experience changed her beliefs. I think the piece was strong overall, but I would add a little bit more detail and effect to the writing.
2. Could the piece be more sensory or engaging if told another way? Comment on how the style could be strengthened. Provide an example from the draft.
Yes, the piece could be more sensory or engaging because I feel as if there wasn’t any descriptive vocabulary or imagery. Perhaps, add a few sentences to build on this area. I think the piece is quite straightforward and could have a little bit of personality. For example, in this sentence, “For this reason, I never found myself back at that church” you could perhaps develop it more as it is part of your conclusion.
3. Name some possibilities for deeper characterization. How could the “I” be developed further? Is there more you would like to know about the relationships between “characters”? Were some details “author oriented” instead of “audience oriented”?
I think you can craft the story by giving more detail about yourself and some characteristics of your beliefs. You can include that you are open-minded, accepting, loving, etc. I would add a couple of adjectives about your character to make the piece stand out. I think you did an excellent job of keeping it audience oriented as your story was easy to follow.
4. Did the belief match up with the story? Offer some advice if you felt the piece moved toward a different conclusion.Comment on places to strengthen narrative coherence and narrative fidelity.
Yes, your belief matched up well with the story. I liked how you hit it home with your conclusion and really emphasized your main points. I didn’t think the conclusion moved towards a different conclusion at it stayed consistent with the flow of the story. This sentence “I spent the next couple of months reading more into what the Bible has to say about same-sex marriages, and I spoke with members of my church to see how they felt about the subject” seems direct, perhaps you can add descriptive words and phrases to spice it up.
5. Make a suggestion or two for something the author could move, change, add, or delete.
Overall, I think your piece has a strong message, and I can see that this experience was quite important to you. I think you can develop your character a bit more and add more descriptive imagery to the writing, so it isn’t plain and one note. I really liked your conclusion as I thought it was well-written.