I’m a firm believer that people come in and go out of one’s life for a reason. Whether it’s a girlfriend or boyfriend, friend, relative, or just about anyone, there is a purpose to their presence. This is something I will stand by.
My belief proved stronger than ever when I met Victor, an immigrant worker from Mexico. Now, I think it’s important to preface my discussion with a bit of a backstory. I live in a town of white-collar workers, many of whom commute to New York City to work high level corporate jobs. I have been provided a life that I am very fortunate to live, where I do not worry about food security, where I might sleep, or how I might have to get to work or school. The towns that surround where I live are not as fortunate. These towns, many of which are considered the slums and outskirts of the New York City metro area are some of the most impoverished areas in the entire country. There is high drug usage, high crime rate, food insecurity, and widespread homelessness. But, for myself and people in my town these were the areas that were avoided. These were the areas that were cast off as areas that were too forgone to be fixed up. Growing up I lived in what I would consider a bubble. It was a bubble compromised of families who were like mine, kids who were given anything and everything they might need, people of similar skin color, and people who had similar religious beliefs.
Until maybe 15-16 I never really got to experience anything outside of this bubble. Of course, I drove through these areas and saw the people that lived in the towns that had been cast off, but I never truly go to experience life outside the bubble. When I was 15, I began working my first job as a floral assistant. This job was really unique as I got to work with flowers, go to weddings, and drive all across New Jersey and New York to go to various wedding venues. I learned the names of flowers I had never heard of and got to see some really unique places. After a few months of working this job, I met Victor, who would now also be accompanying me on my flower deliveries and working alongside me. Victor, as I came to learn was an immigrant from Mexico who lived in the cast-off towns. Through our numerous conversations during our drives, I learned and discovered many things about him. In Victor’s self-taught broken English, I learned that Victor had come across the border into the United States and had to pay his way across the border after being caught by criminals who extorted people who were crossing the border to seek a better life. Victor also taught me and even let me try some of the food his wife prepared for me. In addition, Victor would talk on and on about his two little boys who he adored. They were really cute kids and he explained to me that a large part of his reasoning for coming to this country was so that one day he could give his kids not just a better life but a better education so that they would have the opportunity to high level employment.
Victor came into my life to break me out of my bubble and I am grateful that he did. He showed me that this cast-off area was in fact really great people who were hardworking individuals, worthy of every opportunity. People have come in and out of my life for every reason and Victor is no exception proving once again that there is a reason behind everyone’s presence.
Wow! I love this story. I am Latina/Hispanic and this story gives me hope for the future of the United States. All the discrimination happening towards Latinos and Hispanics right now in the U.S. is heartbreaking. I understand the meaning of living in a bubble because even though I live in the Caribbean I have also been in the same bubble as you were. Thank You for having an open mind and not judging Victor because of his immigrant status. This is a good lesson to learn not to judge others when we don’t know their full story.
1.Identify the conflict of this piece. If you think the conflict needs work, offer suggestions.
I think the conflict might be being a bubble of privilege? The conflict needs a little more of work so that is more knowledgeable to the reader.
2. Comment on the arrangement of the piece. Could the piece be more sensory or engaging if told another way? Think about the beginning, middle, and ending. Comment on how they could be strengthened.
I think this piece was great. I think this piece makes it seem as if the audience was part of the story. One way it could be strengthened is to talk more of the conflict of being privileged. Maybe how the people you surrounded yourself with made you think different of the people who did not have the same income as the people you surrounded yourself with.
3. Name some possibilities for deeper characterization. How could the “I” be developed further? Is there more you would like to know about the relationships between “characters”? Were some details “author oriented” instead of “audience oriented”?
Maybe you should talk more about your relationship with victor and dig deep how listening to his stories and talking to him you got to realize many things about your life and other’s lives similar to Victor’s.
4. Did the belief match up with the story? Offer some advice if you felt the piece moved toward a different conclusion.
I do think it matches up to an extent. I know maybe victor was someone who taught you and opened your mind, but maybe you should be a little more specific about your belief.
5. Suggest ways that the piece could engage the senses more.
I think just trying to clarify the belief and the conflict, and this piece will be awesome.
6. Make a suggestion or two for something the author could move, change, add, or delete.
I don’t think you should delete anything, just add the things I stated above.