I can start by saying that I pretty much wholeheartedly agree with points made in the video; while the topic of “happiness” is far more complex, what he said lines up with every book I’ve read, every podcast I’ve listened to, and every experience that I’ve had until this point in my life – and they have been numerous. When he talked about “trying too hard to be happy” or “trying to hard to achieve success,” I was reminded of Charles Bukowski, who spent most of his life as a failure but eventually achieved success and a measure of fulfillment – at the end of his life, on the topic of happiness and success he literally just said “don’t try.”
Also, the quote by Nathaniel Hawthorne was brought to mind; although it is far overused in shallow social media profiles, the point he was trying to make is similar – “Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.”
I just finished Mark Manson’s “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F$%k,” and he made many of the same points as well, especially with the Cult of Optimism referenced in the video. All the media we are bombarded with on the daily is just shallow, positivity BS that forgets the obvious fact that there is no positivity except in light of negative, that there is no life except in acknowledgment of death, and there is no success or dream outcomes except with a realistic acknowledgment of failure and reality. I especially liked in the video when he said that we need to learn to handle uncertainty and act in its face, acting in accordance with reality and WHAT WE HAVE TO WORK WITH NOW as opposed to establishing some arbitrary “positive” vision and trying to bend reality to it. Success is never glamorous or sexy until it’s achieved; the road to it is made of many small, uninteresting, ugly, difficult steps and habits. PROCESS GOALS ARE NOT OUTCOME GOALS.
This whole view is echoed in the book I’m reading right now -Atomic Habits. The basic thesis is essentially the same as the video purports – “feeling” like doing something is just adding a hurdle (making positivity an additional requirement). Instead, we should identify the process that leads to success and focus on taking those small steps and making the little things habits until, before we know it, we’ve reached the goal – because if you rely on your willpower and feeling like doing it, you’ll never get there – because you will rarely feel like doing it.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, and that step should be made first. We can’t always assume that we will be our best selves, but we can realize that we are imperfect and still implement the framework that will get us to where we want to go.
