We’re back and this one is a rough one. This is definitely the most traumatic and tragic book I have ever read so be prepared to get depressed. On that note, I would like to include a trigger warning for mention of self harm, suicide, sexual assault, eating disorders, and pretty much any other triggering subject so please advance with caution. I will not discuss them in detail in this blog, but they are consistent themes throughout the book, so I if you consider actually reading this book, I highly recommend looking through the trigger warnings beforehand because it does discuss many of these subjects in graphic detail and can be very triggering for many. So on that joyful note, let’s get into it.

I really liked the writing style of this book and it had a lot of great quotes with eloquent writing. It was not too difficult to understand, but it was a long book. It is 814 pages with pretty small print and I will admit, it could get boring at some points. It basically tells the life story of these four men so some parts are pretty bland and not as exciting as others. I still think it is very well written and has many relatable descriptions and emotions expressed throughout the book. The relationships and friendships shown throughout this book are both heartwarming and heartbreaking and I am still not sure if the ending left me happy or sad.

This will a review with lots of spoilers because I can’t really discuss anything significant that happens without spoiling the book. This book basically follows the lives of four men who become friends in college. You learn about all of them throughout the book, but the main plot mostly revolves around Jude. The other three are Willem, J.B., and Malcolm. Willem becomes a famous actor, J.B. becomes an artist, and Malcolm is an architect. They have all had their personal traumas, but they end up doing okay in the end. But now for Jude. *this part may be triggering*. I will list a few of the traumatic experiences Jude has faced in his earlier lifetime including becoming an orphan as a young boy, being sexually abused by a brother at the ministry that raised him, being forced into prostitution with the same brother, being in physically abusive relationships, and being hit by a car by a doctor that said he would help him. Needless to say, Jude has faced very severe circumstances, but we finally seem him growing up and becoming his own person. He eventually starts dating Willem and they are finally somewhat happy. He still self harms, but he is getting better. He has to amputate his legs because they are so infected after all the years of injury from the car accident. This book is loaded with depressing events, but it had its happy moments too. Jude has a successful job that he enjoys, he gets adopted by his father-like figure and wife even though he is about 40, and he is finally in a good relationship with one of the few people he trusts. I am already out of words, but I wish I could say so much more about this book. This book made me feel so many emotions and it is truly beautifully written. The care and love that you see in the relationships Jude forms is amazing and I gave this book 5/5 stars.

Also, very nice floppiness because it has so many pages and they are really thin so it is very floppy and satisfying.

P.S. you don’t have to read this, but if you really want to know how depressing this book gets(VERY), you can read this part if you want. I literally finished this book today so I am still in shock and overwhelmed by everything. I can not get over how much happened in this book. It just kept coming and getting worse.

Once Jude and Willem are finally happy and getting oldish together, Willem gets in a car crash with Malcolm and Malcolm’s wife and they all die. Jude kills himself. J.B. is the last one alive out of the original four and pretty much everyone else dies soon after from unexpected health reasons. The final chapter is told from Harold’s POV (Jude’s adoptive father) and I literally cried. This book is seriously messed up, but somehow amazing. I can’t even explain all the trauma and emotions in this book.