The works I chose to revise were two pieces I wrote for creative nonfiction, and one for poetry, the photo essay and uncreative writing. The first creative nonfiction piece I revised was the story of my Xanax addiction. The revisions I made were so I could down down the length of the story, but not leave out any important details. Making sure I didn’t take the wrong information out was the hardest part of revising that story. The second piece was a journal entry told through the perspective of my father. My revisions for that focused in on telling it from his point of view, instead of mine. I tried to write so the audience would be able to see the story through my father’s eyes. For the poetry, I first came up with the story I wanted to tell or scene I wanted to set, then began to that by using colorful words that would help paint the scene in the fewest words possible. That process was similar to how I revised my photo essay. I wanted to make the scene come alive by having the readers personally relate to the scene. For uncreative writing, I made adjustments on the style of writing in my fan fiction. Below are the revised works.
Creative Nonfiction: They say anything in excess is bad. If you eat too much, your stomach will start aching. If you drink too much alcohol you’ll start feeling sick, acting how you shouldn’t act, and even put your life in dangers along with others. If you work out more than you should, then you’ll start feeling excessively sore. So you get the idea here, there should be a limit for everything. Once something starts to be done excessively, problems always follow shortly after. Let’s say you go out on night and take a Xanax. You don’t see the harm and it starts being a frequent occurrence. Before you know it you’re popping multiple pills a day and start losing sight of the important things in life. You start not going to classes, stop working out, arguing with friends and slowly your life starts falling apart without you even noticing it. You’re in denial that you actually have a problem. Then your girlfriend breaks up with you for that reason and your only solution is to start taking even more. But what happens when the day comes and you run out and can’t find anymore? Well for me it ended up with a night in the hospital.
All of the previous things listed is my story from last year. One day I found myself without and Xanax left and while I was looking for some to find, I had fell, hit my head, and had a seizure in my house and was immediately taken to the hospital. Since I was denial and scared to tell my parents the truth, I wouldn’t tell them I was addicted so the doctors assumed I just mixed too much the night before (which was New Years Eve) and was sent home to rest. After that I had withdrawal symptoms for a few days which involved swelling up, not being able to sleep, having temperature and blood pressure issues, and many more scary stuff. They weren’t as bad as they could’ve been because the amount of Xanax I was doing wasn’t that relatively much. After I was feeling better I thought all that was in the past.
About a few weeks later, I started talking to my ex girlfriend again and because my feelings didn’t change towards her, I realized I wanted to get back together with her. We started talking again but I was getting the vibe that she just wasn’t as interested anymore. I thought it would just take some time to get things back to how they were so I kept trying. Once she told me that she was done and moving on, I made the next big mistake in my life. Again, it just started with once Xanax and before I knew it I was taking close to 20 milligrams of the drug a day. I tried reaching out to my ex to tell her about my problem and ask her for the help I think I needed. After a short while she stopped returning to my texts and I was feeling as I was being left alone and shunned by her. I felt as if the person I cared most for in the world just didn’t give a shit about me anymore and things started spiraling even more out of control from there. My feelings toward her went from love to deep animosity. In my head, I was seeing it as “How could she not be here when I need her the most, but when she needed me I was always by her side no matter what.” In hindsight I realized that if anything, I was the one being unfair towards her. My predicament was no one’s fault but my own and it was completely wrong for me to even put her in that position. After I finally left Xanax in the past, I began seeing things more clearly and how they really were. But unfortunately, that didn’t come for another few months.
During the spring semester of 2016, I completely stopped going to class and stopped socializing and working out. I started ignoring the people closest to me and forgot how much love and care others were trying to provide for me. I turned a blind eye to all of that because my life revolved around Xanax at this point. One weekend in March I got jumped in the streets and ended up in the hospital with a concussion and laceration right above my eye. I ended up with 8 stitched and the doctor told me how lucky I was, because if my face hit the side of the sidewalk a few inches lower, I could’ve lost my eye or eyesight. That led to even more Xanax.
It wasn’t until spring break when I first started accepting that I had a problem. I went to Miami with my father and sister and was miserable the whole time and made no effort to fix my mood because at that point, my life still revolved around Xanax. Seeing the affect my attitude had on my family members was my first step in getting completely clean for good. I began cutting down and the withdrawals this time around were even worse. I spent another night in the hospital after my blood pressure was really high and had a bad panic attack. After a few days of the withdrawals I gave up. I was feeling too depressed and anxious all the time and couldn’t do it anymore. I got right back on the pills. I lost sight of everything else again. Frankly, I didn’t care anymore. I never really had thoughts of committing suicide, but if something ill were to happen to me, I wouldn’t have minded too much. This mindset followed long after school ended for the year.
After the semester was over and I came back home, I was still guilty of the same habits. I started ditching my close friends and family so I could be alone and take Xanax whenever I wanted to. During my last few days in the country before going on vacation to Turkey where my family is originally from, my dad sat me down wanting to know about my grades for the semester. I hadn’t told him that I had to withdraw from the semester and didn’t want to but for obvious reasons, I couldn’t keep it a secret from him any longer. I tearfully opened up to him about everything and instead of yelling or chastising me, he gave me a hug and said that from this day on, we’re starting over and fixing whatever mistakes I might’ve made in the past. For the first time since everything began, I realized that I wasn’t beyond saving. After a few days of cutting down, I flushed the rest of my Xanax down the toilet and vowed that after this day, I would never be dependent on a substance again, but more importantly, live a new productive and happy life. I got on a plane to Turkey the next day.
The next few days were hell, I won’t deny that. Many dark thoughts filled my mind and I wasn’t able to enjoy my vacation the way I should’ve been. But as the first few days passed and the worst of the storm passed, I slowly began feeling better. Maybe what I remember most of that vacation was one day when I was in bed brooding listening to the recently released mixtape “Coloring Book” by Chance The Rapper, whose always been one of my favorite artists. In a song called Finish Line, a certain line caught my attention. One that I’ve heard before but never listened to too carefully. It goes “Last year got addicted to xans, started forgetting my name and started missing my chance.” I never related to a song as much as I did then. The next song, which is called Blessings (reprise) sounded better than I ever heard it before. After the part of the song in which he hums the line “I made it through, made it through, made it through,” it insistently lightened up my mood and made me want to never give up the fight again. Not only so I could get by these next few days of withdrawals, but also so I’d never fall in this position again. After the song finished, I went downstairs and saw all of my family members which included my sister and mom, many aunts, cousins, and my grandmother. I smiled right away and finally realized once and for all, that I controlled my fate.
From that day on, I’ve been mentally and physically improving everyday. Of course I’ve made mistakes since then and still will in the future but that’s only normal. We’re all humans and none of us are invincible to them. What matters is how you deal with your problems. You could choose to give up and flush your life down the toilet, or attack your problems knowing that you’ll overcome them whatever they are if you fight hard enough. If anyone reading this is going through what I went through, or knows people who’s going through the same, I hope this could inspire that person to fight for themselves so once they beat their inner demons, they could smile and hum “I made it through, made it through, made it through” just as I do every day.
Creative Nonfiction 2: January 16, 1929. The day began how it does every morning. A piece of stale bread with a few pitted olives and cold milk to wash it down. It is still dark outside and with the recent gloomy weather, the darkness will most likely continue all day. The school building is an hour and a half walk from home, and we must be on our way by 5:30 to make it there by 7. We have 10 minutes to leave. My two younger sisters take the longest to get ready and often are the reason we are never early. My older sister graduated 5 years back, and she is a guardian on the journey to and back from school. It should be my job though. She’s only a girl and I’m a man grown! It’s not fair. It is my last year before middle school, so hopefully that will be my job soon. Well, it is only a minute from 5:30. Time for another long and tiring day.
Poetry:
Soaring high over
the green sea of evergreen,
their trip south began.
Photo Essay:
If you’re lucky enough to be able to see the stars in their full beauty, you’ll find yourself lost in sheer admiration of the shining, exorbitant celestial entities that breathe life into our universe.
Image result for dawnThe night finishes as fast as it took to begin, and before you know it the Sun pops the tip of its head over whatever sea, landmass or tall manmade buildings there are in sight as far east as we desire to gaze.
As the sun announces its arrival into our vantage points, it signals out to the world that the new day is upon us all. The scene it creates is one many are used to; the sight of dawn emerging from the dark, just as individuals emerge from their sleep amongst their unlit rooms. As they prepare to start their enervating day, perhaps what doesn’t drive most insane is the comely vista they behold as they make their diurnal transition from comfort to fatigue.
Across the world, ancient strongholds of old kings and queens are still standing strong and magnificent as ever. Castles across the world soar high and proud in the sky in all their grandiose beauty. When these castles bathe in gleaming sunlight, much more of their intricate stones become revealed to the eye. These striking spectacles created by man and enhanced by nature, provide some of the most breathtaking scenes on Earth.
After those long, fatiguing days, there is no better sign that signals its end than by the Sun dipping below the tallest buildings in sight, as its descent out of our view is near an end. On evenings when the sky is clear, the Sun seems to shift its appearance to a reddish orange circle of wonders, illuminating the western horizon as the east begins to darken.
Those long summer nights at the beach that begin during sunset provide what is arguably the most glamorous view one can be in attendance to. During the last few instances the Sun accompanies us before it dips down for the night, it casts a radiant red and orange flame into the sky as the clouds appear as puffy balls of fire trailing across the late evening sky.
Image result for castle night
Hundreds and thousands of years ago, elegant castles would shine glamorously at night as their inhabitants scurried around to finish their days. As the moonlight glistened on the castle, these spectacles would undermine any of the small keeps and cities surrounding it, as its grace would be merely impossible not to admire in awe. Whether it was those who labored hard and tirelessly throughout the day and night, or the high lords who kept inside the castles ruling and politicking throughout the day, this would be a sight to behold for all around to see as their days drew to an end.
Uncreative Writing:
The old man was garbed in a dusty old, black linen. It was much different than what the knight had been accustomed to seeing. Looking down on his own attire, he felt rather overly dressed. He was wearing a dark green doublet with a prowling bear sewed on the left breast. Underneath was simple, heavy black mail. His riding leather riding boots were the same color as his pants, dark from mud due to the long journey across the wide land. The knight had set off a fortnight ago, thinking the trip would last no more than a day or two. He had been quickly displeased when realizing just how vastly the land spread from east to west.
Across the old man’s collar was an exquisite chain with a many different metals forged to link into one. Only one class of men would wear them; Maesters. Each forged metal stood to symbolize one of the many arts they had come to master. He knew what each link stood for. The gold was for economics. Copper for knowledge of history, black for ravenry. However there was one he did not recognize which was colorless. The steel was as sharp as could be, with a overly noticeable rippled pattern. The link seemed oddly familiar and had a certain gloomy energy to it. Curiosity suddenly sparked the knight. “What does the colorless link represent, Maester?”
“Why it is perhaps of the most valuable metals made in all of Westoros and Essos, my lord. It’s been a rare commodity ever since the Doom of Old Valyria, where my family once ruled.” The old man’s faced flooded with grief. “It is forged of fire and blood, my lord. Valyrian Steel.”
Suddenly the knight new who the old man was. “I’ve been commanded here by your Niece, Your Grace.”
As the sun announces its arrival into our vantage points, it signals out to the world that the new day is upon us all. The scene it creates is one many are used to; the sight of dawn emerging from the dark, just as individuals emerge from their sleep amongst their unlit rooms. As they prepare to start their enervating day, perhaps what doesn’t drive most insane is the comely vista they behold as they make their diurnal transition from comfort to fatigue.
Across the world, ancient strongholds of old kings and queens are still standing strong and magnificent as ever. Castles across the world soar high and proud in the sky in all their grandiose beauty. When these castles bathe in gleaming sunlight, much more of their intricate stones become revealed to the eye. These striking spectacles created by man and enhanced by nature, provide some of the most breathtaking scenes on Earth.
