“Never Commit a Sin of Omission”
My mom always tells me that my late great uncle had these inspirational quotes to live by. All of them are inspirational, but the one that I’ve had the most trouble living by is: “Never commit a sin of omission”. Sometimes, it’s hard to get out of your shell. But it’s almost always worth every second.
For example, after my eighth-grade year of high school, I was done with band. I had a… less than optimal year. Band just wasn’t very fun. We did marching in the Fall, and that was torture. Even in concert band, though, when things usually got better, they didn’t. Gimmicks and gimmicks and more gimmicks. I hated almost every second of it. It didn’t help that the district had just hired a new middle school band director for that year, with the previous teacher, who I loved, resigning.
So, I didn’t sign up for high school band. I couldn’t. Why waste my time taking a class that I didn’t need and wouldn’t enjoy? What happened next though, I thought was very strange. My middle school band teacher brought me into his office and tried to convince me to stay. While he tried valiantly, I declined. I am stubborn to the core, and nothing could move me. The school year marched on, no change.
The high school band director also taught intermediate school instrumental classes, and my sister had him for class all three years. At her concert, the high school band director approached my mom, and talked to *her* about me doing high school band. I don’t know all the details, but when she came home, she informed me that I would be attending at least one band mini camp (which are rehearsals before the week to get us ready). She said that I was required to try it at least once. I protested, but it turns out that bullheadedness runs in the family. And that day I learned, never mess with the person who buys you food. (Long pause) Just kidding. Of course, I did lose though. Over the next five weeks, I just accepted my fate. I would have to *gasp* attend a 3-hour rehearsal.
I… don’t remember a lot from that first rehearsal. It went by like a blur. As I recall, we sight-read our show music, rehearsed for a bit, and then once the Sun was setting, we went outside to do some marching basics. My nemesis. To my surprise, however, I had a lot of fun. The director wasn’t a drill sergeant. He wasn’t a tyrant. He kept the mood light. And while I did loathe the marching basics, it was fun enough to come back. At the end of the rehearsal, all I could think about was what the next rehearsal might be like, what I needed to bring back next time. Maybe some sunscreen or some bug spray. Maybe a few more reeds.
And now look at me. Band is such a huge part of who I am. I’ve met some of my best friends through that program. Even during my freshman year, I did almost every extra band activity possible. I’ve competed at every level of PMEA festivals. I’ve dedicated several hundreds of hours to playing different instruments. It suffices to say, I wouldn’t be the person I am today without it. If I had ultimately stayed stubborn and given up, where might I be?
In my life, I’ve been guilty of countless sins of omission. Missed opportunities, nights spent alone, moments I could have had. I’m not perfect. But every time I take the path of most resistance, I grow as a person. Never commit a sin of omission, and you just might become whole, this I believe.
1. Identify the central conflict and structure (cause and effect, transformation, categorical) of this piece. Provide ideas for enhancing the central conflict structure/arrangement.
Central conflict: not taking opportunities (committing sins of omission) can lead to immense regret.
Structure: cause and effect
I think that the time that you spent focusing on the back-and-forth of your decision to or not to continue band in high school is great, as it highlights the difficulty in making such a decision in that context. The overall flow is nice; it doesn’t feel like you ruminate on one thing for all too long.
2. Could the piece be more sensory or engaging if told another way? Comment on how the style could be strengthened. Provide an example from the draft.
The piece doesn’t quite feel like a narrative that a listener can immerse themselves into, at least if they haven’t been in grade school band themselves. It may be worthwhile to explain why a change in directors from one that you loved is so distressing. I certainly know the feeling, having had this happen myself, but I don’t know if a general audience will really understand or be able to relate to it.
3. Name some possibilities for deeper characterization. How could the “I” be developed further? Is there more you would like to know about the relationships between “characters”? Were some details “author-oriented” instead of “audience-oriented”?
The mentions of stubbornness in yourself and your mother are great characterizers, as they serve an important role in understanding the conflict of the anecdote. The little actions that you added in to do while performing will also work to develop your character, even if it isn’t directly in the narrative.
4. Did the belief match up with the story? Offer some advice if you felt the piece moved toward a different conclusion. Comment on places to strengthen narrative coherence and narrative fidelity.
The belief does match up with the story quite nicely. Good job!
5. Make a suggestion or two for something the author could move, change, add, or delete.
The PMEA abbreviation needs to be specified. As someone who has done festival competitions, I have an idea of what it might stand for, but since I’m not from the area, I ultimately have no clue. The general listener will not even know what a festival is, let alone that specific type. Just make sure your narrative is written in a way that general non-music people will understand the significance of.
I Will, I like your take on how you decided to take somewhat a leap into band and how you became immersed in the culture, which had an everlasting positive effect on you. I feel like this piece speaks volume for an array of fields and everyone can take this story with a grain of salt.
Hi Will! Here are some comments I have left for you.
1.Identify the central conflict and structure (cause and effect, transformation, categorical) of this piece. Provide ideas for enhancing the central conflict structure/arrangement.
From my understanding, you chose a transformational structure for your “This I Believe” podcast. You went from absolutely loathing the idea of trying out band camp to participating in every extracurricular involved with it. In order to enhance the actual transformation, I would emphasize the actual feelings you experienced while going through this process a little more.
2. Could the piece be more sensory or engaging if told another way? Comment on how the style could be strengthened. Provide an example from the draft.
For this particular piece, I think you picked the right structure. If it was told in another way, the overall idea might collapse because the organization would not have been as solid. As a part of the audience, I realized that the style could be strengthened a bit if you added more context. I am not familiar with band terms, so it doesn’t feel as personable!
3. Name some possibilities for deeper characterization. How could the “I” be developed further? Is there more you would like to know about the relationships between “characters”? Were some details “author oriented” instead of “audience oriented”?
I would like to see some deeper characterization for your former middle school band teacher. I understand that you grew fondly of him, but was it not enough for you when he resigned? I think this development would be quite interesting. How did that shift when the new teacher came in? As I stated before, if you could elaborate on some of the band terms that would be great!
4. Did the belief match up with the story? Offer some advice if you felt the piece moved toward a different conclusion.Comment on places to strengthen narrative coherence and narrative fidelity.
Personally, I believe the belief did match up with the story for the most part. You explained how your uncle followed inspirational sayings, such as do not commit a sin of omission. You did not understand it at first, but further along in the story, you explain what made you change your views. In order to strengthen your narrative, I would suggest engaging with the audience more and focus less on the smaller details.
5. Make a suggestion or two for something the author could move, change, add, or delete.
I think you should add more context on how each of your teachers influenced your love for band and how that contributed to your overall involvement.