Over the years I’ve done… what can only be considered a lot of traveling. I’ve been to 25 countries on 5 continents (it would have been 26 and 6 if not for COVID *grumble grumble*). I’ve been on a lot of flights, gone through a lot of airports, and gone through airport security way too freaking many times. I could write an entire novel on how bad the TSA is, and how they don’t actually keep us safe, but, I digress.

The TL;DR is that I’ve seen some shit. From going on tours, being in tourist-y areas, flying on planes full of idiots, etc etc etc, I’ve seen a lot of types of travelers. Which one of these are you?

The Newbie

If you’re ever talking to me about how you travel, and I wince dramatically, cringing as though I am actually in extreme pain, you’re probably the newbie. The newbie can take many forms, manifesting on tours, planes, and even airport security. Perhaps you’re the type that walks through airport security and accidentally picks up someone else’s shoes on the other side. Or even the devil who doesn’t have their passports out while waiting in line. *shudder* When the plane lands, do you clap? Are you really *that* kind of menace? I would surmise that you also stand up as soon as the plane lands, assuming that it will let you get out of the plane faster. Take it from me, it won’t. If you’re the newbie, some people won’t notice, but an experienced traveler can always tell who has no idea what they’re doing.

The Adventurer

A rare type of traveler is the adventurer. When I mention them though, I don’t mean those who climb tall mountains or venture into dangerous chasms. Those at least have good safety nets. The adventurer is even more reckless than that. If you’re the adventurer, a warzone is no setback. You’d gladly trudge there. Walking past the French embassy in Tunis while guards with AK-47’s are outside? The ideal vacation. Romania (which borders Ukraine)? Sublime. Just because Chiapas is swarming with cartels does not mean you won’t go there. Nothing can stop you. Sometimes referred to as the psychopath.

The “Look at me, I’m not in an oppressed demographic”

Every once in a while, you’ll go to a country where you have to be *very* careful how you dress. You can’t just toss out the cultural customs of the country you go to. But, if you’re lucky to not be in an oppressed demographic, instead you’ll find yourself being the target of envy from your fellow travelers. Imagine not being able to wear shorts or short-sleeves in a desert. Not fun. All I’ll say is: it’s good to be a guy in Dubai.

The Unfortunately Uninformed

No one stays this type for long. Just one bad experience will cause you to change your ways. As such, very few people are confirmed to be in this category. But, you may find them waiting in passport control lines during airport worker strikes, regretting their life choices. After waiting for hours, they then stumble into the subway system, just for another worker strike to be happening at the same time. Or these are the people who forget their custody forms and are barred from boarding the plane due to kidnapping law. Avoid becoming this type at all costs.

The Smuggler – Kinder Eggs

Sometimes you just can’t help yourself. You know the customs rules, and so do I. Shopping for questionably legal items is what I’m thinking of. You couldn’t get this anywhere else. Just don’t tell the customs officers what you’re hiding. Gotta get those Kinder Eggs* through.

Because you’re never gonna give them up

Never gonna put them down

Never gonna turn them in to customs

Never gonna make your kids cry

Never gonna make them say goodbye [to the candy]

Very much gonna tell a lie and skirt customs law

*Did you know that Kinder Eggs were banned from entering the U.S. for a while due to a choking hazard? My family learned this the hard way.

And Now for Something Completely Different

Modern Art – (Source)

In our first installment of Modern Art, I want to examine two paintings. The first is called Onement Vi:

This is genuinely just a blue canvas with a vertical white line. How is this art? Oh yeah and by the way this sold for $48.3 million. For something even I could make. This next one is called Concetto Spaziale:

Before you ask: no, those puncture marks aren’t painted on. The canvas is literally just punctured. I am speechless. Apparently the artist wanted to make a three-dimensional painting?

Word of the Week – (Source)

The word of the week this week is Cattywampus! According to Merriam-Webster, it is a variant spelling of catawampus. Which is a definition that is… supremely unhelpful. So what does catawampus mean? It means askew, diagonal, or catty-cornered. Of course, the slang “catty-corner” likely influenced the development of this word, but the “wampus” part is a bit less clear. It may have come from a fictional creature called the wampus cat, or maybe from the Scottish word “wampish”, which means twist. But also it may be because it just sounds funny. This theory is also much more supported, because no one spells this word the same. Other potential spelling: kittywampus. This is clearly the best way. (Source 2)

Thanks for reading, and until next time, have a good one!

-Will Corvino