Yes, I am aware that this is not posted at the right time of year. Deal with it. It's satire, not a calendar.

Every year, my FIRST Robotics team’s first competition happens during the second weekend of March. We always left the school at around 6:00am on both Saturday and Sunday, to get to the competition site by 8:00am, when the pits opened. Yes, that is early. But what made it bad wasn’t how early it was, it was what occurred Sunday morning at 1:00am… My nemesis: Daylight Savings Time.

History of Daylight Savings (Source)

Daylight savings time was introduced during WW1. Germany was the first country to do it, allowing them to conserve fuel and power by shifting the hours of daylight to when people were actually awake. The U.S. soon followed, since the tactic was actually effective. After the war, daylight savings time was removed, since it was originally employed as a wartime provision, but states were allowed to continue it if they wanted to. Predictably, this became problematic, as people crossing state borders had no freaking idea what time it is. Imagine driving into Ohio or New Jersey (places where there shouldn’t be a time difference, and then needing to check when and if they did the biannual changing of the clocks. So, in 1966, it was fully standardized to avoid this confusion, with daylight savings being mandated. Except in a few states. Because why would it be that easy. Today, only two states don’t observe daylight savings time: Hawaii and Arizona. We’ll be coming back to those, though…

Current Usage

Today, a significant portion of the developed world uses daylight savings time, but it is mostly a construction of European and North American countries. And that’s probably because of cultural similarities more than anything else. I can’t imagine that they’re choosing daylight savings time based on practicality.

But now, at least in the U.S., we’re gearing up to “get rid of daylight savings time”. Which is great! Except that we’re trying to change time to be in a perpetual state of saving daylight. This is actually the dumbest possible idea. It’s already bizarre that, during the summer, solar noon is significantly later than noon (which it is by a little more than an hour). AND THEY WANT TO MAKE IT PERMANENT???????? This is an outrage. It’s already confusing enough that noon isn’t at noon. This is why politicians shouldn’t be in charge of what time it is.

Actual health problems (Source)

I do still agree that we should get rid of the time switch. We all know the feeling of waking up an extra hour early after daylight savings. I’ve always thought this was a huge problem for safety. Turns out, I was correct. Daylight savings time causes many acute health and safety issues that, while they do fade away after a few weeks. Because of the lack of sleep, workplace injuries and traffic accidents are significantly more common in the days following the time change. It also increases the risk of heart attacks and miscarriages for in vitro fertilization. More than that, though, it also causes a 11% spike in depression cases over the 10 weeks after the change, which is also followed by an increase in male suicide rates. And while these effects do subside after a few weeks, the reality is that, for that short period of time, we are less healthy, both mentally and physically, for having daylight savings time.

Arizona: What the hell?

One final thing to touch on: what the heck is Arizona doing? Here’s the map:

The reason why the map looks so weird is that, while Arizona does not observe daylight savings time as a whole, the Navajo Nation does. And since the Navajo Nation has some sovereignty of its holdings in Arizona, they can override state law on this issue. Which creates second-order time zone enclaves. Why? I have nothing else to say.

And Now for Something Completely Different

A Wrinkle in Thyme (Source)

This is starting off with a relatively weak example for this first week, but I have never understood the idea of haggis.

Before you ask, yes that is a sheep stomach. Haggis is usually made from heart, liver, and lungs of a sheep/lamb, and then cooked with oats, herbs, and spices and stuffed into a sheep stomach. I don’t know if that sounds appetizing to you all, but normally, if I know what organ my meat is made from, I no longer want to eat it. And much less organs like liver and lungs. Hearts I can do (chicken hearts are actually very good), but… the others are much much less appetizing. If you’ve actually tried haggis, let me know if my assumption is wrong. But I have a feeling that it’s right…

Dude-Eronomy

Here’s also the premiere of Deuteronomy! We’re going to start off with some relatively mild bizarre verses, but it only gets weirder from here. Also, I should confess, I am not religious, so if you are and think that I misinterpret one of the verses, please don’t skewer me in the comments.

Deuteronomy 25:11-12: When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets: then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her.

Most of the lessons in the bible are relatively straightforward, but this one… is way way way way too specific. What this verse is trying to say is that any woman who tries to grab the genitals of a man deserves to be punished by having their hand cut off, even if it was done in defense of their husband. Not only is this punishment way too severe, but like, it’s for such a specific crime. There’s no way that this came up enough that it had to be addressed. The person who wrote this must just be salty from this happening to them.

Deuteronomy 28:53: Because of the suffering that your enemy will inflict on you during the siege, you will eat the fruit of the womb, the flesh of the sons and daughters the Lord your God has given you.

I tried to find what this means, but I legitimately am just confused. It seems to be talking about how when a siege is too close, people turn to eating their own children? I can’t find a lesson in this one, unless it’s telling them *to* do this, which seems wrong. Like, it can’t possibly be advocating for cannibalism. I suppose I’m just confused, because it doesn’t seem like there’s a punishment associated with this act, so is it supposed to be guidance on how to survive a siege? I most certainly hope not.

Thanks for reading, and until next time, have a good one!

-Will Corvino