I believe that the only way to truly overcome a fear is to confront it voluntarily.
The deep pit in my stomach deepened as I dragged my feet to the front of the fluorescently lit classroom with air that especially cold. My 8th-grade public speaking class was the one graduation requirement I dreaded weeks in advance. That day I was presenting my instructional speech where I was supposed to be teaching the class how to braid hair. I remember my friend, who volunteered for the demonstration, sitting at the front of the class waiting for me to start braiding her hair. My hands are shaking so much that the braid turns into a knot. The notes I desperately cling to are shaking too, making more noise than me. Then, I’m out cold.
I can say with the utmost certainty that I avoided public speaking for quite sometime after that. Whenever I signed up for classes, I made sure to avoid any that included a presentation during the year. There were times when I did a project and was so proud of it, but would pretend that I had forgotten it just so that I wouldn’t have to step in front of that spotlight at the front of the classroom. I probably should be embarrassed by how fiercely I avoided any time in the public eye but it really did seem like the only rational option.
I lived like that for at least 4 years. I had successfully gone without having to do a presentation or speak to an audience, or at least as little as I possibly could.
But then, an audition sign up list was posted for my high school’s musical. You’d think that someone with textbook-definition stage fright and no musical background might have thought against signing up but for some reason, I scribbled my name onto the back of the call sheet. No one told me to. The anticipation within me as I paced the halls up and down waiting to be called into the choir room rose with each step. In those moments, I seriously contemplated just walking away. There would have been no consequences. My mind raced trying to formulate an exit strategy but my legs would not let me leave. When my name was called, I dragged my legs into the room, just as I had back in my public speaking class. This time, not only were my peers there but also about a dozen professionals all waiting for the music to start. I stood up, faked a smile, and strained to hear the music over my heartbeat. Two minutes later, it was over and I emerged with a smile from ear to ear. The audition hadn’t gone well at all. I forgot most of the words and didn’t hit a lot of the notes. But I didn’t care. I had done it and it was over. More importantly, I had chosen to do it.
I believe that the only way to truly overcome a fear is to confront it heads on. I’ll be honest. I still wouldn’t consider myself confident or comfortable in front of an audience, but it definitely wouldn’t make me turn an assignment in late or drop a class. I believe that if I had been forced to go to that audition that day, I wouldn’t have overcome my fear. The biggest milestone for me was recognizing that I had a choice and still going for it. There was no grade hanging over my head, and no one would ever know the difference if I didn’t do it. I decided to throw caution to the wind which looking back on it seems really reckless of me but it worked out. It’s not that the audition went perfectly, or even well. It is the fact that I chose to fake the confidence, just do it, and move forward.
1.Identify the conflict of this piece. If you think the conflict needs work, offer suggestions.
I thing if you just reiterate the belief one last time in the last paragraph it would really strengthen the conclusion just a little more!
2. Comment on the arrangement of the piece. Could the piece be more sensory or engaging if told another way? Think about the beginning, middle, and ending. Comment on how they could be strengthened.
The piece was really engaging and the story was really well told. I enjoyed reading it, and I think it is very strong as is.
3. Name some possibilities for deeper characterization. How could the “I” be developed further? Is there more you would like to know about the relationships between “characters”? Were some details “author oriented” instead of “audience oriented”?
I don’t think the I needs to be more deeply characterized. It is a very personal story involving the struggle of the fear of public speaking, so the “I” is articulated really well.
4. Did the belief match up with the story? Offer some advice if you felt the piece moved toward a different conclusion.
The belief matched up with the story spectacularly well! I think everything about the belief connected with the story and vice versa!
5. Suggest ways that the piece could engage the senses more.
I think it engages the senses well. I don’t think change is necessary. There is potential for more engaging sentences or words in the last paragraph, but it could also stay as is and be straightforward!!
6. Make a suggestion or two for something the author could move, change, add, or delete.
I wouldn’t change or delete anything. I don’t think I would move anything either, but like I said under 5 you could make the ending a touch more dramatic I guess which could strengthen the engagement of senses.
Overall really well done and relatable!
1.Identify the conflict of this piece. If you think the conflict needs work, offer suggestions.
The conflict is your fear of public speaking and auditioning with for the music. I think your conflict is good, you do nice job of building up to that point of tension and how you describe your state before entering the audition adds a lot to it so I think its solid.
2. Comment on the arrangement of the piece. Could the piece be more sensory or engaging if told another way? Think about the beginning, middle, and ending. Comment on how they could be strengthened.
Honestly there was a clear beginning middle and end and it was easy to follow along. You could add a little more sensory details about smells or hearing but overall it is pretty solid.
3. Name some possibilities for deeper characterization. How could the “I” be developed further? Is there more you would like to know about the relationships between “characters”? Were some details “author oriented” instead of “audience oriented”?
I think you do an excellent job of developing the “I”, maybe you could talk about how your peers reacted or bring another character into it like on of the audition people. Your whole piece was pretty audience oriented so good job.
4. Did the belief match up with the story? Offer some advice if you felt the piece moved toward a different conclusion.
I totally believe that it matches up and you do a nice job of explaining that tie at the end. Maybe you could end with a tie back like “I didn’t get into the musical (I don’t know if you did or not lol) but I can now speak in front of an audience” or something like that just to tie in the story to the conclusion.
5. Suggest ways that the piece could engage the senses more.
Like I said early maybe just describe the surrounding more, you do a nice job with the cold vent and shaky hands, what do you smell, was there some sort of sense that stood out to you?
6. Make a suggestion or two for something the author could move, change, add, or delete.
You have some grammar errors so I would just go back through your piece and fix those but otherwise it is really good.