I believe that the only way to truly overcome a fear is to confront it directly.
It all started in my dreaded 8th grade public speaking class. The bottomless pit in my stomach deepens as I drag my feet to the front of the fluorescently lit classroom with air that feeels especially cold. I’m supposed to present my instructional speech to teach the class how to braid hair. My friend, who volunteered for the demonstration, sits at the front of the class, waiting for me to start braiding her hair. My hands shake so much that the braid turns into a knot. The notes I desperately cling to are shaking, making more noise than me. Then, I’m out cold.
I can say with the utmost certainty that I avoided public speaking for quite sometime after that. Whenever I signed up for classes, I avoided any that included a presentation during the year. There were times when I did a whole project but would pretend that I hadn’t just so that I wouldn’t have to step into that spotlight at the front of the classroom. I should probably be embarrassed by how fiercely I avoided any time in the public eye, but it really did seem like the only option.
I lived like that for four years.
But then, an audition sign up list was posted for my high school’s musical. You’d think that someone with textbook-definition stage fright and no musical background might have thought against signing up, but for some reason, I was tempted to. I thought back to the things I had missed out on because of my fear—all of the karaoke nights and interesting discussion-based classes. I was sick of it. Before I could change my mind, I scribbled my name onto the back of the call sheet.
I paced the halls, waiting to be called into the choir room. In those moments, I contemplated just walking away. There wouldn’t have been any consequences. My mind tried to formulate an exit strategy, but my body would not let me leave. When my name was called, I dragged myself into the room, just as I had back in my public speaking class. This time, the room was filled with my peers and a dozen professionals all waiting for the music to start. I faked a smile and strained to hear the music over my heartbeat. Two minutes later, it was over, and I emerged with a smile from ear to ear.
The audition hadn’t gone well at all. I forgot most of the words and didn’t hit the notes. But I didn’t care. When the callback list came back, I didn’t even bother to check. I knew I wasn’t showtune material, but I never expected to be. I had done it. More importantly, I had chosen to do it.
I believe that the only way to overcome a fear is to confront it head-on. I still wouldn’t consider myself confident in front of an audience, but I definitely won’t drop a class because of my fear anymore. I believe that if I had been forced to go to that audition that day, I wouldn’t have overcome my fear. The biggest milestone for me was recognizing that I had a choice and still going for it. No one would ever know the difference if I didn’t do it, but I decided to throw caution to the wind. It’s not that the audition went perfectly, or even well. It is the fact that I chose to fake the confidence, just do it, and move forward.