I like the tangibility of the first one. And yes, bring us back with your belief to the hopefulness and possibility that was made clear in the opening story.
Thank you for sharing this searingly difficult story.
Hi Amanda!
My heart goes out to you, this story must have been really difficult to write. I like the first script; it still has that underlying hopefulness. I also really liked the imagery you used and how you described the change between elementary school and middle school as flipping a switch. I agree with Mara about how a reference back to the beginning and back to the beach at the end would really strengthen your This I believe story.
Overall,
Amazing job!
Amanda —
This is so good, and I think you did a nice job of painting a sad story as optimistically as possible. I like how your belief statement is rooted in the hope that things will get better. Personally, I like the first script better. I think it has a more concrete story with more concrete imagery, rather than being general about feelings. It feels more personal and intimate.
My only critique (for the first one) would be to connect the belief statement back to your story. I feel like you have a really good story and a really good belief statement, but just reminding the reader about how the beach helped you come to that belief about healing your inner child would be helpful to tie everything together.
I agree with your commenters.
I like the tangibility of the first one. And yes, bring us back with your belief to the hopefulness and possibility that was made clear in the opening story.
Thank you for sharing this searingly difficult story.
Hi Amanda!
My heart goes out to you, this story must have been really difficult to write. I like the first script; it still has that underlying hopefulness. I also really liked the imagery you used and how you described the change between elementary school and middle school as flipping a switch. I agree with Mara about how a reference back to the beginning and back to the beach at the end would really strengthen your This I believe story.
Overall,
Amazing job!
Amanda —
This is so good, and I think you did a nice job of painting a sad story as optimistically as possible. I like how your belief statement is rooted in the hope that things will get better. Personally, I like the first script better. I think it has a more concrete story with more concrete imagery, rather than being general about feelings. It feels more personal and intimate.
My only critique (for the first one) would be to connect the belief statement back to your story. I feel like you have a really good story and a really good belief statement, but just reminding the reader about how the beach helped you come to that belief about healing your inner child would be helpful to tie everything together.