The Belief of Always Saying “I Love You”
On August 12th, 2017, –– when I was 15 years old –– I sat on a boat in the middle of a lake with my mom. My mom’s phone rang, answering a call from my aunt. Within 30 seconds of conversation, the world as I knew it ended: one of the most important people in my life –– my dad –– had died unexpectedly. The lake was offensively placid and beautiful, its peacefulness taunting me; its world remained stable while mine came crashing down. My mind racing to the last thing my dad and I had done together, or the weekends I spent with friends rather than him. The only thing I did not strain to remember were my last words to him: I love you.
This wasn’t just some lucky coincidence; it was the words I ensured to be our last since long before his passing. This was always a super important thing to me as a kid, I never said goodbye without saying “I love you.” Whether ending a visit, ending a phone call, or even ending a text conversation, I always said “I love you” to whoever I was temporarily parting ways with, even if it was only for 5 minutes. This lesson goes beyond just death, however, as my “I love you” tendencies have served me well, even beyond my dad.
Sophomore year, just following my dad’s passing, my friend group adopted a new member. After an especially fun night with an imminent curfew looming, my friends and I stood in the driveway saying our goodbyes. My typical routine commenced: everyone got a hug before I got in my car. With my dad in mind, everyone got an “I love you” from me as well. I got to our new addition, someone who I wasn’t very close with yet. I couldn’t let him feel left out, so he too got a hug and an “I love you.” However, unlike my other friends, he did not reply with the typical “I love you too,”, which I expected, but the obvious shock on his face was off putting. With a slight hug and an awkward goodbye, I went home a bit butt-hurt. Despite his original reaction, I always made sure to tell him “I love you” anyways whenever we parted ways. As years began to pass and our friendship progressed, my friend started to open up to me. I learned about his troubled childhood and the excessive bullying he endured. I learned that hanging out with my friend group Sophomore year of high school was the first time he ever got invited out with friends outside of school. And most importantly, I learned that I was the first person not related to him to ever say “I love you,” to him. His lack of response and obvious shell shock when I originally said goodbye to him on that driveway on a cold March night suddenly made sense. Because of saying “I love you,” my friend learned to open up. He learned that love comes in many forms –– not just familial and romantic, but even just casually between friends. He credits my statement of care years ago to the beautiful friendship we have to this day. And most importantly, he learned to say “I love you too.”
I believe in always showing people you care about them, whatever chance you get. I believe in making the goodbyes count, because you never know when it could be your last. I believe in taking the romantic connotation out of this simple 3-word statement, extending love beyond family and romance but to anyone who matters to you. I believe in always saying “I love you.”
1.Identify the conflict of this piece. If you think the conflict needs work, offer suggestions.
I believe the conflict of this piece lies in what relationships would be like if you do not always say “I love you.” Your belief in always saying that phrase when ending a conversation with those you care about stemmed from long before the passing of your father, but that experience showed you the deep purpose of doing so. This conflict connects also to your friend because if you had not said that you love them, they may not have been able to open up in the same way to you.
2. Comment on the arrangement of the piece. Could the piece be more sensory or engaging if told another way? Think about the beginning, middle, and ending. Comment on how they could be strengthened.
I think you did a really good job going between the two stories. The second story about your friend definitely was the main story of the piece, but I think it was a good choice to focus more on one and connect them.
3. Name some possibilities for deeper characterization. How could the “I” be developed further? Is there more you would like to know about the relationships between “characters”? Were some details “author oriented” instead of “audience oriented”?
I think the initial interaction of saying “I love you” to your friend could be expanded upon. You don’t necessarily have to talk more about it, but maybe use more descriptive words. The use of “butthurt” threw me off. It’s a descriptive word, but I didn’t feel like I had enough understanding of why it upset you so much for the word to hold the right amount of value.
4. Did the belief match up with the story? Offer some advice if you felt the piece moved toward a different conclusion.
The belief definitely connected to the story because the “I love you” is not a metaphor for anything. It is an action with a deep purpose. You were able to explain two major times in your life that the action had positive effects on your life and relationships and did a great job balancing storytelling and explanation.
5. Suggest ways that the piece could engage the senses more.
You did a great job making the piece engaging! The first paragraph is especially a great example of a meaningful description that engages the senses. I think you could use more detail when explaining the awkwardness that ensued when you first told your friend that you love them. Make the readers feel as butt hurt as you felt and help them understand how you viewed his uncomfortable response.
6. Make a suggestion or two for something the author could move, change, add, or delete.
I think you should reword the last sentence in your second paragraph. I like the transition it provides, but the wording is a bit unnatural.