In addition to physical attractiveness, research has identified several factors in people’s desire to approach others to establish a personal relationship including similar values, interests, and characteristics (Weber, 2012). People are often attracted to another person because of any number of these factors. The attempt to establish a personal relationship after is what people are often challenged by. To establish a real closeness or relationship can be restricted by barriers such as the disapproval of others. Another barrier in a person’s attempt to interact with a person they are attracted to is the hesitation that further personality traits, similar values, and characteristics are unknown. The process of meeting, interacting, and assessing the desire to become closer risks rejection or loss of desire to interact further (Weber, 2012).
Before the days of the Internet and speed dating, Alan Gross (1983) and colleague India McHale (Weber, 2012) created a study of the initial meeting of potential dates combining parties and personal ads. Participants of 200 single straight women and men college students provided information about their interests, personality traits, and major that would later be displayed on a t-shirt that they would wear to a mixer. This acted as a personal ad to allow participants to break down barriers such as not having similar values, interests, or personality traits. Each participant was to speak with as many people of the opposite sex as possible to indicate potential dates. They then rated each other and exchanged contact information if they desired (Weber, 2012).
Gross (1983) discovered that once the participants interacted with each other, physical attractiveness had actually decreased in selection power (Weber, 2012). Since the participants had broken down initial barriers of establishing closeness from the beginning, they no longer needed to rely purely on physical attractiveness since they already had the information they needed to initiate interaction to further determine the potential for a date. A person’s looks are usually the first piece of information another person receives about him or her which acts as a filter for forming first impressions and further attempting any interaction. In this study though, those initial attractions are altered and the barriers of approaching closeness with another person are broken down (Weber, 2012).
This study has led to the ideas of online dating websites where many people can view each other’s profile that states their interests, characteristics, occupation, and so on, along with their picture. The online approach is usually less risky for many people to attempt a relationship beyond physical attractiveness in the same way that these barriers were broken down in the previously mentioned study. Establishing any type of personal connection first requires action on either person’s part. Many people do not take the step further in making a connection with one another whether they have not spoken to another person at all, or have already made an initial greeting. Often fear of rejection overcomes desire. The longer it takes for a person to express interest, which occurs often, the less likely anything will happen between the two people (Weber, 2012). This reduces many of our abilities to create relationships with people on a romantic, friendship, professional, or any other type of connection level and can lead many of us to miss out on not only people to appreciate and spend time with, but opportunities and experiences as well.
References:
Weber, A., (2012). Applying Social Psychology to Personal Relationships. In F. Schneider, J. Gruman, & L. Coutts (Eds.), Applied Social Psychology: Understanding and Addressing Social and Practical Problems (2nd ed.). Thousand Oaks: SAGE Publications.
I found your writing on how people can get straight to building relationships and increasing interpersonal connections fascinating!
I believe a lot of these perceptional determinants are derived from perceptional expectancies—in that people see what they want to expect. As such, it would be interesting to know how well such relationships were established by quality with less of a regard for attractiveness. Does attractiveness matter more than qualifying aspects of subjective qualities? Do personality traits matter more than attractiveness and if barriers do exist between first impressions of attractive qualities and deeper interpersonal relationships then why? Why do such mechanisms within our biology and psychological set us up in this way? Is there a naturalistic explanation for this? Very interesting topic!
Also, I would posit that too much information upfront can damage an otherwise normal relationship. This would be founded by how much people are willing to not pay attention to once personalities mesh and either love, attraction, primal, or infatuated instinct takes over—such as political allegiances, football alliances, or religious preference. This marginalization is probably for reason and also why attraction is the way it is also. I believe looking into the research of this would be absolutely fascinating.
Also, I don’t see the Gross 1983 citation. I would like to explore this study and see what they said about things a bit further.
Good luck!
Morgan