The saying “opposites attract” is not only popular in English, but also popular in many other languages. In Turkish, we say that opposite poles attract each other like magnets. Although it is always interesting to socialize with someone who is knowledgable in topics that are new to you, do opposites always attract? Would it be possible to have a peaceful life with a partner that is completely different than you?
According to research, people do not hold long-term relationships or friendships with people who don’t share their beliefs and values. People seek similarity when looking for long term relationships and friendships, because what you know is comforting and peaceful. It is also stated in the research that when strangers hit it off, it is usually due to their similarities and not differences. I believe it is alright to be with someone who has different interests than you, as long as you guys share the same values and beliefs in the core. According to the article, “…we do not mean to suggest that social influence doesn’t happen in relationships; however, there’s little room for influence to occur when partners are similar at the outset of relationships” (Knapton, 2016).
There is no doubt that people are more attracted to and want to pursue longer relations with people who are similar to them in age, political orientation, and certain aspects of intelligence. It is a known fact that people are also attracted to other people who are geographically close to them. So, I believe, opposites might be attracted to each other for a short time, but in general, opposites do not attract each other.
Knapton, S. (February 2016) Relationships: opposites do not attract, scientists prove. The Telegraph. Retrieved from http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/science/science-news/12170295/Relationships-opposites-do-not-attract-scientists-prove.html
[…] of us know this famous line – the opposite attracts. According to research, couples who are too similar, both physically and even mentally are less likely to have a long […]
Hi!
I actually love this saying – it’s something that is extremely argumentative. Psychologists say that opposites in fact do attract. Why? Couples who are similar are less likely to last. But how do you know if your significant other is in fact your opposite? You don’t – there are a few things to make note while you’re dating the person to indicate whether or not they are in fact your opposite. Do you have similar interests? Do you disagree on things? Long term relationships are easier to determine whether or not opposites attract.
Ruchi
Hi Yrem,
It is an interesting phrase and concept that accurately can explain why some couples have so many differences. I would believe that sometimes, when people are looking to get into intimate relationships they forget to make important considerations, that later on has serious affect in their lives. The idea that opposites attracts was probably created to reduce self-conflict in some individuals who realize early in the relationship that the differences will definitely influence their lives interactions and will cause conflict of interests (Aronson, Wilson, & Akert, 2013). I do agree with your statement that in the end, the opposites do not attract because according with the proximity effect theory we have the tendency to develop feelings for people who have similar constructs and are close to us (Schneider, Grumman, & Coutts, 2012). This theory may explain why many people in happier relationships usually couple with school, work, church or other social members who shares the same ideals.
However, in other instance, I do believe that people who engage in relationships with opposite personality significant others can make it work if there is a lot of commitment and the attachment style is secure (Schneider, et al., 2012, p. 361). When they share a secure attachment, they will trust one another deeply and will create interdependence. Those factors will then influence how much tolerance they will develop to the opposite ideals that will surge in the relationship. In other words, they will be able to understand each other better if they are really attached. However, if the attachment is weak and their differences overflow the relationship, there will not be expectation of survival. In some cases, the exposure to people who have different views than we do can help to develop the commitment, tolerance and understanding in relationships with two different personalities (Aronson, et al., 2013, p. 269). So I would say that your view is correct, but there may happen some exceptions that are rare and can succeed over time. We never know! 😉
References:
Aronson, E., Wilson, T. D., & Akert, R. M. (2013). Social psychology (8th ed.). Boston: Pearson.
Schneider, F.W., Grumman, J.A., & Coutts, L.M. (2012) Applied social psychology: Understanding and addressing social and practical problems. 2nd ed. Thousand Oaks, CA: SAGE Publications, Inc.