Quite often parents will say they want the world or life to be better for their children than it was for themselves. So how do we create a better happier life in our children now? Children are highly impressionable as shown through Jane Elliott’s social experiment with discrimination based on eye color that she staged. In order for our children to have a healthy happy outlook on life we must consider several factors. Those factors are teacher interaction and influence, peer influence, and parenting style contribution.
Teacher interaction is one of the most detrimental influences on our children’s young minds. They learn from observation and are highly impressionable. They seek approval and achievement by their mentors. A self-fulfilling prophecy is “having expectations about another person that influences how you perceive and behave toward that person” (Schneider, Gruman, Coutts, 2012, p.204). So if teachers have high expectations a child will want to perform better. One issue that can come into play is the variation of high achievers versus low achievers in the same class. It has been shown that the student’s capabilities are not indicative of their mental capabilities but more so the degree in which the teacher acknowledges and treats them differently as a result from their preconceived ideas about the student (Schneider, Gruman, Coutts, 2012). For example, a teacher may think the child is an above average student and then treats them with a warmer climate by giving them more attention through more feedback given, support through more opportunity to answer questions than others, and encouragement by providing more challenging work (Schneider, Gruman, Coutts, 2012, p. 204). I believe that while our children spend a large portion of their time with their teachers we as parents can have the same influence and encouragement that will help them to be achievers. If we are generally all starting on the same level then it only makes sense that parents can take on a greater role just by asking questions, helping as needed, and emotionally supporting their children they will more greatly excel. I am a mother of three- two boys and a girl ages 11, 8, and 7. My middle child/son has mild dyslexia and has proven to be influenced by my participation in helping him. By encouraging him, communicating with his teacher, and providing a warm climate for him to make strides toward his school work I have seen personally him excel. Not long ago, I was ill for about two weeks with the flu, had a close death in the family, and heavy school work load. With this came the inability to provide him with the support I mentioned before. This is where I believe the example of self-fulfilling prophecy comes into play. Without me there to give him support and express my higher interest/expectations his grades suffered. His teacher reached out to me since he went from straight As to Cs and Ds in the matter of 4 weeks. This is when I became aware of what effect proper parenting can have on a child. He needed me and needed that impression that not only he mattered but was capable of doing more through extra practice and awareness.
It is not to say that we as parents have the only influence on our children. Their peers spend even more time with them than their teachers. If you think about how they are with them during school and outside of school due to social interaction through sports, hanging out, and possibly events like birthdays and church it is easy to see this is true. I realize that we as parents cannot choose their friends for them, but I believe it is very important to encourage healthy relationships with those that help them and they can help academically. Peer- assisted learning is a class room based strategy that involves the students helping and teaching each other on a person to person basis (Schnieder, Gruman, Coutts, 2012). We are a family that likes to read. In doing so, I taught my daughter early on to read and we have enjoyed spending time together doing so. I can see her peer interaction helping both her and a friend she has in class. They have sat together and worked on the other girl’s reading skills and she has had remarkable improvement. Her mother actually mentioned to me the impact my daughter had on hers by just showing her it could be fun and they could do it together more so than her attempts. It makes sense though. If you want to have fun or achieve something don’t you talk to your friends first before your parents? Fortunately, we have fostered this great relationship as they enjoy each other’s company, are both kind, and her daughter has taught mine other skills like cartwheels (I am clumsy and could never have done this myself). So it goes to show that happy healthy helping kids make for great friends that help each other to be great skilled little people.
Parenting styles have changed considerably though the generations. The older baby boomer age expressed less discipline but more criticism while the newer millennial generation has offered the opposite (Suh, 2015). Personally I think the encouragement given by the newer generation is producing more mentally stable happy children. It reminds me of an old adage that the voice and words you give your children becomes their inner voice. This statement alone alludes to the influence we have on these young minds. So we should encourage them to be happy and make their mental health a priority with their academics. We must show them through our kind, positive behavior that social interaction can be a good thing and that making the right choices is still up to them so they may influence others.
Overall, we all strive for the best. We want to be successful parents and I personally know that I always question if I am doing it right. But by considering not only how we influence our children but how they influence others we can encourage behaviors that are more positive and less negative/aggressive. These are the moments we have to enjoy because before we know it they will be gone and all we will have are the memories of the life we are currently living.
Resources
Schneider, F. W., Gruman, J. A. & Coutts, L. M. (2012). Applied Social Psychology. 2nd ed. Thousand Oaks, CA SAGE Productions, Inc.
Suh, M. (2015, December 14). Parenting styles across generations. Retrieved March 24, 2017, from http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2015/12/17/parenting-in-america/st_2015-12-17_parenting-36/
Thank you for your kind comment! I can see how flexibility would come with giving children more independence. This was an excellent point and very important to help teach our children those critical thinking skills that will help them in all areas. As a community, it takes all of us to influence them to become independent, positive, and pillars of our society for all of our benefit including themselves. I believe your mention of allowing them to create authentic relationships is also helpful as it highlights their ability to practice in safe environments. Much as the old adage says “it takes a village” and our teachers should be the most respected, in my opinion, for what they do.
Elizabeth
Great Post!
I think the main difference in parenting styles between generations is flexibility and willingness to listen to new ideas. Psychological flexibility refers to “an individual’s ability to respond appropriately to environmental demands and internal experiences in the service of their goals” (Williams, Ciarrochi & Heaven, 2012). Not surprisingly a 6 year longitudinal study found that low warmth, high control parenting styles led to less psychological flexibility among the children of those parents. The opposite was also found to be true, high warmth low control parenting styles were found to be associated with greater psychological flexibility. There is of course a balance to be achieved, structure should be provided but should not be too intrusive (Williams, Ciarrochi & Heaven, 2012).
When I first had children, my grandmother recommended a low warmth, high authority environment. She believed that babies knew how to manipulate parents almost from birth. I was often told not to hold my children except when absolutely needed or they would be too attached. “Spare the rod, Spoil the child” was a common saying and I was often warned against being too lenient. Thankfully I knew better (and so did my mom!) but I think this is a perfect demonstration of the attitudes that persisted in that generation.
As you mentioned, parents may be the most constant influence on children but many children spend more time during their childhood with peers and teachers. For this reason it is important that the education system also understands the benefit of allowing children some autonomy and make an effort to create authentic relationships between student and teacher.
Williams, K. E., Ciarrochi, J., Heaven, P. C., & L. (2012). Inflexible parents, inflexible kids: A 6-year longitudinal study of parenting style and the development of psychological flexibility in adolescents. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 41(8), 1053-66. doi:http://dx.doi.org.ezaccess.libraries.psu.edu/10.1007/s10964-012-9744-0