When I think of bullying so many things come to mind. From the loss of victims due to suicide to the being told “they are sad on the inside and are just taking it out on you” statement. I think what disturbs me most about that statement is it validates what they are doing and almost gives the air of “well it happens and it’s not okay what they are doing but you have to deal with it because they are sad.” When did it become acceptable to be sad and thus mistreat others? “Social cognition” means the process of thinking about ourselves and other people” (PSU World Campus, 2017). There are studies now that reflect that victims show difficulty in social cognition but have high scores in moral cognition (Gini, 2006). Moral cognition is the understanding of moral emotions and making the right choices because they are ethical and treat others in a positive manner (Gini, 2006). Studies go on to show that bullies have reasonable and appropriate scores in social cognition, but unlike their victims they are morally disengaged (Gini, 2006). So here we are with the problem they are aware of others and what they are doing but they don’t seem to feel bad or care because they are morally disengaged. I believe this is not due to a psychological lacking or syndrome typically but to a learned behavior. While gender does not seem to discriminate who is a bully, I think we should consider a few small issues that we are doing and have long been done that can be contributing to this moral disengagement. I can remember even as a small girl adults telling me that “he likes you is why he picks on you.” I honestly now as an adult with a better understanding and empathy for the situation am disgusted by this comment. Since when was it okay to teach our children that it is okay to show someone you have this awareness of them and because you are sorting out your feelings you can hurt others? Do not tell a little girl or little boy for that matter that someone likes them because they are picking on them. I believe this fosters the position for the future that those children will accept abuse or act it out themselves because it is socially acceptable at a young age. “Chronic victims suffer from anxiety, depression, and suicide and may ultimately resort to counterattack, which can include the use of weapons” (Black, Weinles, Washington, 2010). Why not start from the beginning and tell them no that is not okay to hurt you and talk to the other child and make it stop. In today’s world we must be vigilant in teaching kindness. With there being so much hurt in the world we can best intervene in the beginning by not just saying no but being proactive and practicing acts to “pass it forward,” being humble and kind to others, and if you like someone do something nice for them. We must teach our children to stand up and say no to bad behavior by reaching out to some adult they trust for help. That adult must completely follow through as well and make sure the issues have been addressed. Otherwise there can be severe consequences. But most importantly start the good and be the good. As Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, “what are you doing for others?” (The King Center, 2013).
Resources
Black, S., Weinles, D., & Washington, E. (2010, May 11). Victim Strategies to Stop Bullying. Retrieved April 09, 2017, from http://journals.sagepub.com.ezaccess.libraries.psu.edu/doi/abs/10.1177/1541204009349401
Gini, G. (2006). Social cognition and moral cognition in bullying: what’s wrong? Aggressive Behavior, 32(6), 528-539. doi:10.1002/ab.20153
Pennyslvania State University World Campus, 2017. PSYCH 424 Lesson 12: Relationships/Everyday Life. Retrieved from https://psu.instructure.com/courses/1834710/modules/items/21736698.
The King Center. (2013, March 26). MLK Quote of the Week: ‘Life’s Most Persistent and Urgent Question’ Retrieved April 09, 2017, from http://www.thekingcenter.org/blog/mlk-quote-week-lifes-most-persistent-and-urgent-question
Thank you both for your wonderfully kind comments!
Christopher I find your comment to be pretty profound in it just goes to show that this has been a long ongoing practice to tease others. So much so it almost becomes second nature and is the norm. This has been going on far before your seventh grade experience though and not many people realize or admit they have done this themselves. Though it is so common I believe social cognition is out the window on the subject almost. Your point on being able to handle our feelings and express them differently is excellent. Thank you again for your kind words and sharing your experience.
Awd5335,
You have an excellent point about going beyond social cognition and being aware of others to a level of social influence which is the “idea that interactions with other people can lead to changes in our attitudes, beliefs, values, and behavior” (Schneider, Gruman, Coutts, 2012, p.171). It surprises me still that the media and so many adults want to blame aggressive behavior on other extrinsic variables but do not want to admit they played a hand for many years developing the little people into mean adults. It does not take much for one to just choose to be nice. It will make you and them feel better so why not? I also like your mention of perpetrator and victim dynamic in that I think this behavior can help to foster a victim into a learned belief and acceptance for domestic violence to be okay. We need our children to be strong and happy so we must start at this early age. Thank you so much for your well thought out feedback and kind words!
Elizabeth
Hello. I appreciate this post because it gave me a different perspective on where bullying can start. I remember that phrase of “they pick on you because they like you” from when I was a kid. I used it as an excuse to pick on a girl I liked in seventh grade because I just could not find a way to tell her how I felt. Other people in my class did the same thing. This should have been curbed earlier, I think that you are correct when you say that people need to be taught to handle and express their feelings rather than dish them out on other people. Rather than hurting other people, we could be establishing new relationships.
Thank you for the thoughtful post,
Christopher Ivery
Great post and worded wonderfully! I agree that we can not just state that someone picking on you is because they like you or want your attention. We must teach at a young age that it is not appropriate to hurt and tease others. What I feel is sad, is that some parents or adults support bullying thinking it makes their child tough. Not only does it need to be instilled in children growing up but also adults that this behavior is not acceptable. I have seen teachers witness bullying and teasing in a classroom but do hardly anything to stop it, thus it continues and grows. As a society we must not just think of ourselves but also the well being of others. It does appear that social cognitive errors play a part in the perpetrator and victim – aggression and anxiety for example. Social issues need to not be ignored but discussed so they they are not deep rooted problems that grow and become more than someone can handle.