For the blog this week I wanted to talk a little bit more on the idea that “birds of a feather flock together” so to speak. We learned in our lesson this week that for long term relationships it does prove to be better if you and your partner are alike in certain ways. These ways being having similar values, beliefs, ideals, and interests. This obviously makes good common sense as if you have similar interests with someone then it will be easy to hold conversations with them as well as find fun activities that you both enjoy. The question is though; can you be too similar with someone for them to make a good partner?
Our lesson from this week does mention this briefly saying that if someone is very bossy then they may not do well with a partner who is also bossy, but what about other traits? To answer this question for myself I did a little bit of research. I found a study where psychologists used surveys to find out if the closeness of people in a relationship related to their happiness in the relationship (“People Who Are Too Similar to Each Other Are Not Likely to Last”). They found that the happiest and longest lasting couples were ones that weren’t too distant but also weren’t too similar. This confirms my own suspicions that there is such a thing as being too similar to your partner. For example, if you and your partner are both very stubborn, then it may be difficult for you to come to compromises when arguing which could end up being very detrimental for your relationship. On the other hand like was said before, couples should share certain beliefs and interests in order to be able to be happy and have a successful relationship together (“People Who Are Too Similar to Each Other Are Not Likely to Last”).
Now while it does make sense that we should be with someone who is not too different yet not too similar to ourselves I did end up finding a lot of research that agreed with the idea that being more similar is better. A study done in 2003 suggests that we prefer someone who is similar to us in many ways such as wealth, level of attractiveness, and commitment (Saltz, Gail).Then a study in 2009 found that couples higher in marital satisfaction were more similar in their personality and attitudes (Saltz, Gail). So this research does suggest that if you are with someone who is very similar to you, you will have a more successful relationship.
So obviously there is still a lot of conflicting research out there in the world, so really who is to tell if it is better to be very similar to your partner, or to have a good balance of similarities and differences. In my opinion being similar in certain areas is good like I said before. But I could see how being too similar could become a problem. In the end though, I still believe that if you are meant to be with someone then you are just meant to be.
References
“‘People Who Are Too Similar to Each Other Are Not Likely to Last.”.” Psych2Go, 23 Oct. 2014, psych2go.net/people-similar-likely-last/.
Saltz, Gail. “Opposites Attract? Why You Should Date Someone More like You.” TODAY.com, 14 Oct. 2016, www.today.com/health/opposites-attract-why-you-should-date-someone-more-you-2D12072745.
Great blog! The is a very peculiar topic but can differ really from people to peopl. I think that beliefs, values, and morals are different than personal traits like some you mentions in your blog. In a relationship certain things are important to know such as: religion, how many kids you want, if any, relationship with family ect. However, I don’t think these things make a person who they are. Of course these thing are apart of us but it is our personality traits that really determines who we are individually. I know the saying opposite attracts, would be one I think of when it comes to this topic. It’s also healthy to be with someone who likes different things, in that way you can explore their ideas and likes, thus building new experiences for yourself.
Really interesting presentation on a often debated relationship dynamic. My own experience would seem to agree with what you presented. I think that it is important for two people in a relationship to have, at the very least, similar traits that are complementary for each other. For example, looking at me and my wife you may wonder how we are together in that we are nothing alike in regards to personal interests (other than hockey). I love to read, she doesn’t. I am in to more nerdy things, she isn’t. However, key traits, such as the love of trying new things and the outdoors are things we share. So while we may not share the same personal interests we do share the same general outlook on life which is what keeps things new while still having plenty in common. In the end I think it is a balance between similarities and differences is what can make or break a relationship.
This is something I have struggled with much of my romantic life! In my current relationship we are drastically different in many regards yet have similarities in our personality. There are moments when it feels like the differences in our personalities are what keeps us at balance and then times when they seem to put us on completely opposite sides of the world. What is the magic percentage of a mix having both differences to where we are able to balance the other when needed yet similar enough to stay on even ground? I think I’ve witness relationships that seemed too perfect where the person was with their best friend. Sometimes it has worked and sometimes not. I will say that looking back mostly the relationships where they were complete opposites they tended not to last…
This is a really interesting blog! I’ve always wondered the same thing. I agree that based on personal observation of couples around me, a relationship is more likely to last when the personality traits of the couple are complementary to each other. For example, someone who is short tempered is more likely to get along well with someone who is very mellow, instead of someone who also has a short fuse.
I haven’t done much research on this topic but I think if two people are too similar, it could be less exciting to be around each other, because everything your significant other does can be too predictable to you. There isn’t that surprise factor which is sometimes what keeps a relationship fresh and exciting.