How the internet gave me a family

They say you can’t pick your family and I say that’s a lie. I’ll just put this out there that my biological family for the most part give or take a few people (children excluded), are a bunch of self centered, self serving pieces of junk. I learned very early on not to count on them for anything and if i wanted anything for myself I’d have to bee just as self centered when it came to dealing with them if I wanted to survive. Which is why I am grateful for the internet, because it allowed me to choose my family. Suddenly my family became multicultural and I learned sympathy, empathy, sharing, what it means to support someone, and what it means to comfort someone again. I had forgotten that because my mom was too sick and most of my dealings came from the rest of my family who showed me none of this as my mom struggle and I struggled as a child to deal with a parent having a major illness. You’re probably wondering how this came about.

The internet being the big thing here, provided a means for escape and as we all know the internet gave a place for nerds like me to connect to our fellow nerds who held our same interests. Because it was a means of escape and a sign of the times before there was pressure to limit screen time, we all spent a great deal of time talking about our interests and playing games. Soon those topics expanded as we talked about our countries of origin, our career goals, our current lives, took part in celebrations even from afar, and comforted one another in times of crisis. We learned that we could count one another to send hugs when we needed them or validate us when we’ve just had an encounter with a creepy asshole. To you this may seem superficial and you’re probably wondering have I even met any of them.

The answer is I have met with some of them several times and with others it’s a little harder because they claim to live in Australia (but of course we all know that’s impossible because Australia is a place made up of trained actors to keep people in the dark about the world being flat). As well as Singapore which is not far behind on falling off the edge. So excuses on their part really. Because of my chosen family I was able to travel to Canada at a time I probably wouldn’t have otherwise been able too, I’ve now been to Spain, Belgium, and the Netherlands.  And to add to that I will likely end up in Argentina and Australia because of my family. The only thing better is when they can travel to me and I can show them my home and discover new places around my own home that I hadn’t yet explored.

Because of the internet I met my wife. Eventually I moved to Germany and am now partially bilingual. And  I know that because I moved to Germany, you think that I would have eventually made my way to other European countries, and yes I would have, but sometimes you can’t put a price on getting a good non-tourist experience in a country.

My world is grander because of them. It has been enriched which is more than I could ever say for most of my biological family. I am inspired to learn words in other languages just by knowing them I’ve picked up words or phrases in French, Spanish, and Dutch that I otherwise wouldn’t know. Although Spanish did have a little help from high school.  And you cannot put a price on a group of friends/family who share their knowledge rather than simply always taking from you.

Media/Internet can be an open door and sometimes the most magical connections happen that leave you changed forever. These beautiful strong women make up my family and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

 

Tags: ,

2 comments

  1. Hi! Thank you for sharing your wonderful story. First, I am angry and sad that your biological family failed to provide you with the nurturing relationships you deserved. I have also experienced this. I am happy for you that you were able to utilize the internet to build strong, beneficial connections. My family was abusive during my childhood and, a few years ago during my divorce (from a marriage that was also abusive), I severed ties with all of them. It has left me much freer and happier!! It was a mass-exodus from everything that had been beating me down my whole life.
    Sometimes I wonder if those of us who have struggled with lack of support and guidance become naturally more open to making those connections elsewhere. It seems so, to me. And it isn’t simply out of curiosity, but of necessity. Everyone needs supportive connections to function in life. When those that are given to us at birth fail us, we either diminish in their restraints or find a way to expand beyond them.
    I am encouraged to see that you have been able to move past the relationships that failed you into a life that makes you happy and allows you to be whole.

  2. I have to say, your post on your internet friends becoming your family was a view I had never heard. From my own personal account, I find it ironic that social media and the internet was created with the intention of bringing people together (like you, your wife and your family), but in reality it has done nothing but separate a lot of people. I think the unfortunate thing about the internet (and internet cookies) is that it feeds into our biases, which helps keep us separated, or only interacting with people who share the same bias as us. If you happen to click on a link to CNN all of a sudden your pages are bombarded with ads from other left wing news sources or political ads for candidates; and vice versa for right wingers. I also worry about the next generation and their mental health. We see so many people on the internet that looks like they have their lives together, but in fact don’t. Seeing the amount of insecurities kids have today makes me glad that I was slightly older when technology really peaked, and it also makes me glad that even when technology peaked my parents kept a tight lock on what I did and did not have access to. It’s not all negative though. Like you, I met one of my best friends thru the internet. I was an Au Pair in Germany and hoping to meet people my age; I was able to find an “Expat in Germany” facebook page near my city and ended up meeting some amazing people. Now every other year I go back to Germany to visit my Au Pair family and see my friends, and they often come to America to visit me too! Other countries that are less fortunate have also used the internet and social media to bring awareness to certain issues on an international level, and even in our own back yard protests have been formed. As with anything there are both positives and negatives, I just hope for the mental sake of the younger kids, the positives will heavily outweigh the negatives.

Leave a Reply


Skip to toolbar