Genders are perceived as important in human lives and are building blocks in forming self-identities and in developing perspectives on how the world works and how one fits in it. Our gender at birth influences the way the society treats us. We have learned that gender is not the same as sex. Sex is the biological form in which our bodies are born into (male or female), while gender references to social and learned characteristics that males and females learn from the society and environment surrounding them (Schneider, Gruman, & Coutts, 2012).
In the Western society, males are typically taught to have masculine mannerisms such as not crying and being strong. Females are taught to be feminine and can show more emotions than males. Male and female gender behaviors are then rewarded and or punished if they do not follow the given roles or expectations. Studies have shown that males are usually associated with aggressiveness and higher status than females are. Females are typically viewed as affectionate and emotional. Brain comparisons were performed, and it was shown that males have larger brains than females overall and this created a believe that men were superior to women intellectually (Schneider et al, 2012).
Since there are expected gender roles within our society, our gender can sometimes become a stressor within itself, especially if our genders do not follow the socially accepted roles. O’Neil (1981) discusses gender role socialization and explains that it can be psychologically stressful for both males and females and can cause “gender role conflicts”. I have also been affected by societal expectations based on my gender. As a child I was more aggressive and tougher than most of the other girls were. My parents did not like my behavioral preferences and tried to force me to adhere to my gender’s societal expectations. They wanted me to stop playing football and wrestling with the boys in the neighborhood and instead stay indoors and cook and clean the house with my mother.
It wasn’t until I hit puberty that I decided to take on a more feminine gender role and I stopped with the rough housing and playing sports with boys, but I continued to prefer building friendships with males than with females. I believe my parents were concerned about my behaviors and they tried to enforce rules that would follow the cultural and societal gender expectations. Eventually my gender role or attitude started to follow the socially accepted standards, but I continued to prefer male friends over female friends, and I have always been a little more aggressive than emotional.
References
Oneil, J. M. (1981). Patterns of Gender Role Conflict and Strain: Sexism and Fear of Femininity in Mens Lives. The Personnel and Guidance Journal, 60(4), 203-210. doi:10.1002/j.2164-4918.1981.tb00282.x
Schneider, F. W., Gruman, J. A., & Coutts, L. M. (2012). Applied social psychology: Understanding and addressing social and practical problems (2nd ed.). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications.
Thank you for your comment and the answer is yes. My husband of twenty four years was my best friend in my senior year of high school. Prior to him most of my guy friends were strictly just guy friends but he was the exception to the rule for me.
I think your blog post is great since I have experience similar childhood experience when I was kid. I was very skinny but did not really care about sports so when boys went to play soccer back in South Korea, I played and talked with girls. Some of my friends thought it was weird and my own father start buying me soccer ball, baseball, and car toys. I did not care because I changed so much when I came to America. American boys are divided by gender role where all guy classmates drag me to go play basketball and other sports activities. First, I did not like it but after bonding with them. I started to enjoy these activities and I stopped hanging out with girls due to language barriers. Yet, I have girl who is my best friend.
But according to Camille Chatterjee article, it says that “this cultural shift has encouraged psychologists, sociologists and communications experts to put forth a new message: Though it may be tricky, men and women can successfully become close friends,” I think men and women can become a friend until one like the other. Camille thinks that media makes men and women difficult to become friends since media always portray sexual relationship or attraction between two gender. I did that with one of my girl best friend once for five second when I was imagining what our relationship be like if we hooked up, but she smacked my head while I was imagining because she thought I was thinking something dirty. Great things having a opposite gender best friend is that I have lots of chance to date with their friends. Have you ever thought about hooking up with one of your guy friends?
Chatterjee, C. (2016, June 9). Can Men and Women Be Friends? Retrieved February 17, 2019, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200109/can-men-and-women-be-friends
First, I would like to thank you for sharing your childhood experiences with us. Like you, I was pushed into a more gender-specific role growing up. I was raised in a Mormon household by my grandparents that have been taught their whole lives that men have the role of “bread-winner” and women have the role of “subservient mother”.
They grew up in a very different time. “A study conducted by the Families and Work institute found that in 1970-1971, 94 percent of men earned a professional degree, while only 6 percent of women did”, something that most from that era would consider to be normalized and deeply rooted in gender roles; whereas now it seems that modern men and women tend to both take on more responsibilities like jobs and housework so their children can go to school. (The A-Blast, 2011).
There can be many challenges in the work/life balance and expectations when it comes to gender roles. “The challenge for women is to successfully combine career, the management of family life and the care of the self, whereas the margin for maneuver for men leaves little scope for a full life outside of their work personas. Even if at first sight taking part in family life might mark men as progressive, the presupposition nonetheless is that they should be, first and foremost, successful in their careers. The price for not doing gender adequately is not to be trusted or respected, as well as, implicitly, have their masculinity questioned” (University of Cambridge, 2014).
It seems to me that this will continue to be something that the generations to come must continue to improve upon and work to overcome.
References
The A-Blast. (2011, January 20). Gender roles around the world. Retrieved February 16, 2019, from https://www.thea-blast.org/international/2011/01/20/gender-roles-around-the-world/
University of Cambridge. (2014, April 07). When gender roles are reversed: Equality and intimacy at home and in the workplace. Retrieved February 17, 2019, from https://www.cam.ac.uk/research/discussion/when-gender-roles-are-reversed-equality-and-intimacy-at-home-and-in-the-workplace