Diversity in my Relationships

Personally I can relate to diversity in two different areas of my life. One is in my personal life. I grew up having a best friend who was Spanish. We were best friends since we were in 5th grade. I spent a lot of my childhood at her house and things were very different from what I was used to and I noticed this very early on in our friendship. The food was very different, the language, the way they dressed was different, how they celebrated holidays and special events was even very different. I thought at first it was odd but the more time I spent with her I grew to love the food. Even to this day I think Spanish food is amazing! I also grew to feel like these new ways of life were a part of my life now because I was so close with her. Upon our friendship growing apart due to her transferring to another school in high school and us just making new friends I met my now fiance and he too is Spanish. So I never really stepped away from the Spanish culture.

My fiance’s family is from Puerto Rico. Their first language is Spanish including his. He speaks English well as he was put in classes to learn English when he was in elementary school. However I still have a hard time understanding his mom sometimes. Her English is still very broken and hard to understand. My fiance’s dad speaks no English at all so we don’t communicate much unfortunately. I still love all the Spanish traditional meals and in June of 2021 we are getting married and we plan to have a complete Spanish spread for the meal. I really hope that one day I am to pick up on more Spanish language than I am able to now but right now I just don’t have the free time to try and learn a whole new language. Sometimes my fiance will talk to me in Spanish (trying to be funny) and I will guess 2-3 times what he is trying to say before I am like “okay just tell me already”. But from him doing that I have learned a lot more than I knew 3-4 years ago.

From having a good friend who was Spanish almost my entire childhood to now having a fiance who is Spanish I have learned the culture and the way of life very well. The diversity that I see among couples is something that I love but I know that everyone doesn’t like to see it. I have never had anyone say anything directly to me but I have had people make faces or stare at me and my fiance and unless I had food all over my face I would assume it was because it was clear to see we were a couple. I personally feel that the younger generation is open to it for the most part but it is the older generation I feel that lacks that understanding. I don’t mean those who are 30-40 years old but those who are 70,80,90 years old and they grew up with very different beliefs and in a very different time and era.

In the article I referenced called “The Challenges of Relationship Diversity” there is reference to the idea that we as humans have to understand things about each other all the time and when we bring the diversity of different races and cultures together it is something that needs a good bit of attention from the Psychology prospective. This is something that I agree with. Two people have to learn how to come together for their family, children, relationship, job etc. and when you are bringing these different diverse people together it can make things even  more challenging because beliefs could be so different. Hopefully as we progress with level of understanding of Psychology we continue to grow in focus on this area. I am sure we are much farther ahead today than we were 10 years ago and I am sure 10 years from now we will be even farther ahead.


MAPS, G. K. A. (n.d.). Dr Gery Karantzas Assoc MAPS, Secretary and Dr RossWilkinson MAPS, Convenor. Retrieved February 20, 2020, from https://www.psychology.org.au/publications/inpsych/2011/feb/karantzas


  1. Your post is very interesting and really got me thinking. Im curious about the psychological implications of both your childhood friendship and your fiance’s early education in english. I wonder if these situations played a part in drawing you to one another.
    I found it interesting that “Hispanics and American Indians are most likely to marry whites, followed closely by Asian Americans. African Americans are least likely to marry whites.” (Qian, 2007) and that “Young people who attend diverse schools are more likely later in life to befriend or date people of a different race.” (Cummings-Yale, 2019). “Analyzing a dataset of more than 15,000 students from over 100 schools across the country, Kao and her co-authors, Kara Joyner and Kelly Stamper Balisteri, found that youth who attend diverse schools are more likely later in life to befriend or date people of a different race.” (Cummings, 2019)
    I’m curious, what is your race? Did you grow up attending a diverse school? I wonder if the diversity of the school matters or if it’s the influence of having a close childhood friend of a different race, cultural, or ethnic background and that is just more common within a diverse school setting.
    I found in interesting that both you and your fiance had childhood interactions and experiences within each other’s cultures – you with your friend and him with his early education in english. “Social scientists use intermarriage patterns as a key indicator of the social distance among groups. The extent to which immigrant and ethnic minorities marry members of the dominant racial/ethnic group of the receiving society reflects the degree to which the new arrivals or their children have assimilated ” (Qian, 2012)
    Thanks for the thought-provoking post – I look forward to reading more of your work!


    Cummings, Mike, (2019) Friendship, romance and race: What sociologist Grace Kao found. Yale News. Retrieved 24 February 2020 from,https://news.yale.edu/2019/11/13/friendship-romance-and-race-what-sociologist-grace-kao-found

    Cummings-Yale, Mike. (2019). Diverse Schooling Shows Up In Relationships Later In Life. Retrieved 24 February 2020 from, https://www.futurity.org/interracial-relationships-friendships-romance-2214922/

    Qian, Z., & Lichter, D. T. (2007). Social Boundaries and Marital Assimilation: Interpreting Trends in Racial and Ethnic Intermarriage. American Sociological Review, 72(1), 68–94. https://doi.org/10.1177/000312240707200104

    Qian, Z., Glick, J. E., & Batson, C. D. (2012, May). Crossing boundaries: nativity, ethnicity, and mate selection. Retrieved February 24, 2020, from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5228617/

  2. Jade Amber Butler

    I really enjoyed reading your blog post. I wanted to say congratulations! I think it is great that you are starting to pick up on his language. I know you said you do not have the time right now to take a Spanish course, but have you taken any beginning courses in high school? In my school we had to take two years of another language. Maybe one day you will have to time to learn more and be able to communicate more with his father.
    I am sorry that you have had so many outside issues with your relationship. I wish people were less ignorant. I think you are right when you imply there is a generation gap. Different generations grew up with different beliefs and sometimes they are not willing to look past that. I actually talked about generation gaps in the workplace for my blog post. I hope in the future people become more open. I think it is unfair to judge people for something as silly as where they are from or what they look like.
    Thank you for sharing your experience and congratulations again on setting a date. I hope that all of your days are filled with joy.

  3. Great topic! I too understand this area, one being culture diverse myself as I am Russian, Hungarian and Turkish, which growing up I experienced feeling the differences among my peers at school. Religion was also different: Russian Orthodox Christian, and my grand-parents were more old-fashioned and traditional, versus the newer churches, meaning they also dressed in a set way that was different and women wore scarves to church, men were in front etc.

    I was always fascinated with learning and growing and connected with others from different ethnic groups and cultures. I dated a Mexican guy and that was interesting and his mom only spoke Spanish, so I understand what you mentioned about the experiences you shared.

    When I was in the Navy, it seemed more accepting of diversity and different backgrounds and cultures, but when I got out, the judging, and stereo-typing and prejudices came out again. My husband is African American, and my children are mixed. In the Navy, there were some people out in town that were judging and didn’t want to seem to see my skin tone (white) with a black man. This was also in Virginia at that time, where I later learned about how interracial marriages was not legal, hence the landmark case from the Loving’s, and the bumper stickers saying “Virginia is for Lovers!”

    When I was stationed in South Carolina, and my children were very little, I had a lady at the WIC office whisper like I filled the form out wrong, with the notation of African American, or even at a grocery store with my daughter, as if I was only babysitting and she couldn’t be my child. So I understand, but they also judged me not knowing my ethnic background and cultural differences, so it was always interesting to me how people assume or judge what they do not know.

    I agree with your theory on hoping we progress more, especially with Psychological theories we can apply and interventions that get implemented to help others understand, grow and learn and accept.

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